4 Reasons Why Your Husband IS NOT Initiating Sex

By Allison Braun

We all go through ups and downs in a long term relationship. I am no exception to this rule.

One thing I’ve noticed in my own relationship, as well as in my clients , is that there can be a phase in which your husband, boyfriend, or partner is no longer initiating sex with you.

You may be thinking thoughts like “I’m not sexy anymore” “He doesn’t think I’m sexy” “He’s not attracted to me anymore”…. You are all up in your head spinning a hundred different stories.


You might even feel a little resentful or hurt for him not attacking you passionately like he used to.


Now, can I ask you a question?


How many times did you say “no” or “stop” in some form or another before he stopped trying?


If that isn’t the case you are probably going to be looking more towards #4.


So I am going to share with you 4 Real Life Reasons Why He Has Stopped Initiating Sex.


#1. He Is Protecting Himself.

Weird, isn’t this one of the reasons you don’t initiate either? He doesn’t want to be turned down anymore – he is protecting his feelings.


#2. He Is Protecting You.

If you’re like me, you might have been experiencing pain during sex and had to stop him for that reason. He feels like he was hurting you and of course he doesn’t want to hurt you. Therefore, in attempts to protect you he is not pushing the matter. He think you will initiate when you are ready.


#3. He Is Insecure and Unsure.

Behind his tough, confident, manly front (which he probably feels he needs to have) he doesn’t know what to do exactly in order to please you (because you probably haven’t told him exactly how to do that). He might be thinking that he can’t make you feel good, that he doesn’t have the moves or looks anymore, or that you aren’t as attracted to HIM.

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1 reply
  1. JeiThom
    JeiThom says:

    There's almost nothing worse than getting turned down by your spouse when looking for some special physical intimacy & sex – regardless of what's going on in your separate/professional lives. Most married couples feel that their own spouse would be up for intimacy & sex almost whenever it is initiated. It's a very deeply embedded "sting" that can last a long time when your spouse rejects you multiple times in a fairly short period. The 1st rejection is usually OK – could be menstrual cycle for her, stress, fatigue, kids. But when the rejections seem to "pile up" in a months time, even the most loving & attentive person can be left wondering if their spouse "wants" them anymore.

    And after the rejections seem to be a regular response to initiating any type of intimate moments, a hurt ego leads to insecurities and protecting feelings. And these insecurities range from feeling like your spouse is not attracted to you to whether your spouse has been unfaithful or had cheated on you. But the basic response to constant rejection is to stop initiating anymore. For example, a close friend may contact you once or twice a month to invite you to a social event or just to meet up for drinks; and you either cancel or decline every invite with little or no reason. Soon, your friend stops inviting you to anything because you don't actually attend or meet up. They don't want their initiation to be rejected again – and the friend my feel that you don't want to actually see them or come out & be sociable; so they'll simply stop asking.

    In every case, communication is the key to revealing the true reasons for rejection(s) & to convey to your spouse that they should acknowledge your initiations for intimacy and be open to talking honestly about why they rejected you. If they can not be open about this discussion, then there may be other relationship issues that should be addressed while trying to re-start the intimacy portion of your marriage.

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