By Drs. Chuck And Jo-Ann Bird
Scientists have confirmed that chocolate contains an enzyme that can set off the pleasure centers of the brain in a manner that is similar to the effect sex has on the brain … which is why when you’re too tired for one, you’re likely to reach for the other: “Not tonight, honey, I’ll have a Hershey’s Kiss instead.”
1. Negative or self-defeating thoughts about sex. These thoughts can come from anywhere (e.g. your childhood, religion, past sexual experiences, etc.) and can really affect your sexuality. Some of us grow up thinking sex is dirty or sinful, while others are taught to be ashamed of their bodies. If you have negative thoughts about sex, they’re bound impact your sexual behavior, so make it a point to work past them.
The truth is, sex isn’t dirty. In fact, doctors agree that it’s healthy! It’s good for your cardiovascular system, stress relief and even helps to fight off illnesses by increasing your body’s natural defenses. Sex is also good exercise, burning off as many calories as playing a set of tennis. Develop healthier attitudes about sex with your partner and stomp out those negative, self-defeating thoughts.
2. Focusing solely on performance. When you’re too self-conscious of your performance during sex (am I moving the right way? Am I making sounds that turn him on?), you’re putting undue pressure on yourself — pressure that can negatively affect your sexuality and lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Remember, your body isn’t perfect (no one’s is!), and it won’t ‘work’ perfectly all the time. Expecting perfection in your sexual performance will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Instead, focus on the fun and pleasure of sex, intimacy with your partner and the joy of pleasing each other.
3. Not owning your sexuality. The phrase “know thyself” applies perfectly to your sexuality. If you don’t know what feels good and how to bring yourself to orgasm, how can your partner? Don’t be afraid to get to know your body, recognize what feels good to you and acknowledge your sexual desires. There’s nothing shameful about this kind of self-awareness.
Also, don’t hesitate to share your desires with your partner — and refrain from blaming your partner for sexual issues, especially before you take a hard look at yourself. Finger-pointing can seem like the easy way out, but the truth is it takes two to tango.
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