What Do You Do When Your Spouse Has Changed? Embrace it.
By Lana Moline
Although we marry with the thought that our spouse will forever be that guy or that girl who we married, inevitably we change. Right now I am experiencing a bit of a transition in my marriage that I am watching unfold. Just this past week, my husband preached his first sermon of many. It was powerful and I am so grateful to God for my husband’s obedience because I know that impacts our family. As we went through last week, I can share with you now that I fasted and interceded on my husband’s behalf because I knew that I needed to be still. We have always shared our faith but this was different in my mind. This was him leading others to understand a word from the Lord. That’s a huge responsibility and something we hadn’t predicted 12 years ago.
I suspect that this change is similar to a job relocation, a change in careers or a decision to return to school. What does it mean for us when the terms change? What does it mean now when we are not both working 9-5? When our spouse is on call and that has never happened? How do we balance family time and couple time? What does that mean for our relationship?
Here are a few things to consider when faced with changes within your marriage/relationship:
Recognize that change is imminent.
Although we may not have carved out the specifics when we got married, we both knew that we would grow. In fact, we encouraged it. With wisdom comes a greater commitment and responsibility to being a light in your own way. At some point, it becomes absolutely necessary to step beyond the point of “just knowing” and begin to empower others.
Know that you are equipped.
Rarely do we experience radical changes in our lives. Typically we move through varying degrees of involvement gauging from mild to extreme. So when we find that there is a burning desire to do something, it has probably been there all along. It’s just that now is the time and season for it to manifest.
Resist the urge to run.
Often times when something new presents itself, we desperately look for a security blanket and retreat. While that me fine for a moment, it’s not the final answer. Remember that just as much as you need your spouse, he or she needs you too. It is an equally challenging time for both sides. Remain right where you are with outstretched arms, just as you always have.
Quite honestly, I had an inkling that this day would come for us. Ironically, my husband didn’t see it. So that tells me just how important my response is to him. Had I agreed when he said that he didn’t see it, he may not have delivered such a powerful word. Who knows? All that I do know is that I stayed in my lane because it was not my place to tell him to not walk his purposed path. My job was to love him through his figuring it out.
Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at Lana Moline Speaks.
Every time I read one of your pieces, I feel like you wrote it just for me. I immediately print it to share with all my coworkers and friends at work. Of course I have to forward it to my husband to read. Thanks for sharing and allowing God to use you. Tell Emile congrats on his first sermon. I know he did a great job. Blessings to you both.
Hey Ruthie! It is so wonderful that you checked in. Isn't this the most amazing website? I'm humbled that you were able to receive a word. Girl, I'm just trying! Yes, please continue to share it with all of your co-workers and friends and your hubby of course. I will pass the message on to Emile. Luv ya!
Great question sis! The thing about this particular change for us is that we have worked in ministry all along (behind the scene). I think that when opportunities like this present themselves in our relationships, it's more of a growth experience than a change actually. Even if something seems to come out of the blue, the interest or desire or sheer know how has been there all along. I say embrace the chance to use your gifts/talents in a way you hadn't before. Peace and Blessings. Thanks for reading!
Wow. What a change. I have a question for you. So, if your husband is going through his change does that mean you have to change too?