An Open Letter To Married Men: She Ain’t Your Wife….LEAVE HER ALONE!

By Neysa Ellery Taylor

Fellas, you didn’t think I was going to let you off that easy, (An Open Letter To Single Sisters: He’s Married LEAVE HIM ALONE), did you? Come on.. You know me better than that.

Why is it so hard to stay faithful to one woman? Since we’ve been communicating for awhile, don’t try to hand me the normal crap. None of the “well you know, men are visual creatures. We need variety.” Or the “the only thing better than good p*ssy is new p*ssy.” We are beyond that. So what is it? I mean can you really explain it to me?

Is it“my wife just doesn’t understand me anymore?” Have you tried talking with her? UMMMM, chances are the answer is no. For some reason, humans have a hard time talking to the person that they claim means the most to them. Instead of running off at the mouth with the next chick, how about talking with your wife.

“We don’t have sex like we used to.” Are your moves predictable? Can she count on the exact same 3 moves every night? I love cheesecake but I have a sneaky suspicision that if I ate it every night for a month, I might be sick of it and want a Snickers bar instead. Go back to your bag of tricks and put in some horizontal work.

“She’s gained weight.” Are you eating what she’s cooking? I thought so. So chances are you’ve gained too. So take over the cooking duties a few times a week. Ask her to go on a walk with you to spend some quality time together. See how slick that was? I didn’t mention exercise or tell her to lose weight. I said “quality time.” Believe me, the phrasing makes all the difference.

“She doesn’t keep herself up anymore.” Quick. Take out your cell phone and credit card. Call her best friend and tell her to make a hair, mani/pedi, Brazillian wax, and massage appointment for your wife. Ask the best friend to take her to the MAC counter to get a makeover. Go to Victoria Secret and pick out something that you want to see her in. Gift wrap the package. Send the kids to their grandma’s house. When your wife gets home, take her out and show her off. After all of the positive attention that she receives, she will do it more often. Trust me.

“We’ve grown apart.” Valid problem, but not an irreconcilable difference. Call your church’s marriage ministry. Attend marriage Sunday school. Talk to each other. Talk to a counselor. Go on vacation together to a place neither of you have been. That will force you to talk to each other. Or recreate early memories. Where was your first date? Go there. Recapture that love.

“It’s just easy with the other woman.” Of course it’s easy. Do you think getting into trouble is ever hard? Do you think thatsatan is stupid? No. The enemy wants you to perceive it as easier to make you make mistakes. Duh! So it is easy with the mistress right now. She never complains. She never fusses with you. She never makes you angry, right? Do you know why? Because she doesn’t know all of you. She has been entertaining your PR agent. She doesn’t know your quirks or shortcomings. That’s because she is your mistress, not your wife.

And that’s the fundemental difference between a mistress and a wife.  A mistresses loves the PR agent, while wives love the man.

CLICK HERE to read Part 1 (An Open Letter To My Single Sisters: He’s Married…LEAVE HIM ALONE)

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick.  An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing.  You can read more of her work

27 replies
  1. Darryl
    Darryl says:

    WOW! Wish I had read this before coming up short. Nice article

  2. April
    April says:

    I just love this post & your blogs! Keep it up!

  3. Kisha
    Kisha says:

    Very good article.

  4. LaWanda
    LaWanda says:

    good article

  5. Tanaia
    Tanaia says:

    I'm 21 and married and I found this very useful follow by just about everything on this website. I come here everyday.

  6. Shana
    Shana says:

    Ok, I'm loving your insight! Didn't you write the article about Will & Jada too? I hope to hear a lot more from you (hint, hint Ma'at's…lol). You really have a gift.

    • Neysa
      Neysa says:

      Yep! I wrote the Will and Jada piece! Thank you for the love the Ma'ats have been wonderful!

      My recent post I'm not a Stepmom

  7. BeaRealMan
    BeaRealMan says:

    Telling a real man he can have only one woman, is like telling a real woman she can only have one child.

    • Neysa
      Neysa says:

      I can't even give this a real response.. Just "boooo."

    • locutrice
      locutrice says:

      @ BeaRealMan:
      Dude, your comment is wrong on so many levels:
      + there's no link between your points;
      + the verb "have" is polysemic, and the ways in which you used it come from two different meanings, because while a man 'has' (in the sense of possessing / belonging to) a wife (and a wife likewise 'has' a husband), a woman 'has' (in the sense of bearing) children;
      + there are men who can seduce, and there are men who – even if they're not like that – will go all out to try to use that to indulge themselves. The real man, however, is man enough (pun very much intended) to conquer his pride and his fears of the consequences of opening himself up and being vulnerable to a lifelong partner who is willing to be open, and therefore vulnerable, to him. If both can continually open themselves to each other in such a manner, what results is the perfect union, in a love that endures all things.
      It is for this reason that I feel that real men and women are the ones who dare (with knowledge of what it entails, of course) to take the plunge, go for monogamy and do their best to sustain it throughout their lives. These are the ones who have in them a sort of holy courage and the truest of love for each other. (Praise be – forever – to the Heavenly Father, the source of all good things and all that is true and right; praise be for such people and for the One who works in them and through them.)

      Having said that, I do not wish to trivialise the suffering of those who, having been once deceived, use multiple partners to try to numb themselves. Yet this 'solution' is not optimal, for people are not parts or bodies but people, and sexuality itself creates a strong link between individuals. Creating and destroying this sort of bond at will – with many people – is utterly damaging (hence the appearance, in our public conscience, of such characters as the 'woman scorned', whose fury is so intense – and for good reason – that it is apparently unmatched by Hell) and will, in the long run, enlarge the number of victims of this sort of destructive practice. I urge these people to turn to God and cast these burdens upon Him; while it does not do much in the way of informing Him – for He knows everything – it does pave the way for us to receive His healing for ourselves. (Admittedly, yes, this remedy is linked to psychology; I see it as Science confirming what God has known since eternity and what He is trying to do for humankind. And it's better than mere self-psyching.)

    • JST
      JST says:

      That's a bunch of crap and you can not compare the two. How old are you 16? That response was juvenile, get real or grow up!!!

  8. Celestrial
    Celestrial says:

    I had the opportunity to read both articles and I find them both very thought provoking. One of my closest friends in now pregnant by a man whom is "separated" from his wife. Her and I had the conversation of what it means to be with a married man. I wholeheartedly was and am against anyone dating someone whom has soul ties to another person. Now, she is understanding why it was important for her to wait and not be so easily swayed into this relationship. It has been complication with the pregnancy and the emotional strain, which now has resulted in them not being together. I love the examples of what partners can do, to continue to work on what God has put together. I think far to often we look for the easy way out, or we point the finger without self reflection. I love holding myself accountable for my actions, and asking myself what I could have done differently. I think in all relationships, we must hold the golden rule true. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

  9. Cee Palmer
    Cee Palmer says:

    Another great post!

  10. MrzLadyD
    MrzLadyD says:


  11. LikeaLion
    LikeaLion says:

    i doubt we were given million of sperm for one woman!!….

    • Married&Faithful
      Married&Faithful says:

      So is your argument that because you have million of sperm you have to share it with multiple women???? Thats probably the most ridiculous immature thing ive heard in awhile

    • Patricia Knight
      Patricia Knight says:

      Again, I say, it's no wonder we contract HIV and venereal diseases at such an alarming rate!

    • guest
      guest says:

      wow really??? you should really take some classes to learn about your own body. assuming you have a normal sperm count you would have about 60 million per milliliter of ejaculate, out of all those sperm ONLY one makes it to the egg and sometimes a few more but they aren't strong enough. there is still only one dominate sperm to fertilize the egg. this is only in one session not a lifetime of sex. so really to have an average size or larger family you need TRILLIONS of sperm for one woman.

  12. Anita Bankhead
    Anita Bankhead says:

    Another good article!

  13. Brandi B
    Brandi B says:

    With this post you hit it on the head with everything. Great article (as always)… 🙂

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