Anyone Can Cheat…Even You: Gospel Artist Tye Tribett Talks About His (And His Wife’s) Infidelity
by Aiyana Ma’at Tye Tribbett recently sat down with the Associated Press and shared some of the details of the infidelity that threatened to destroy his marriage. In the interview Tye talks about the fact that there doesn’t have to be “lack” in your marriage for lust to take hold. I think this is so important to acknowledge and be mindful of. We are all human beings and no matter how fabulous and secure you’re relationship is—we need to remember that what you don’t defend is susceptible to attack. If there are gaps or weak spaces in your relationship you need to pay attention to them and address them. For example, let’s say there’s a core group of your co-workers that you are friends with and hang out with at work. You all eat lunch together, have your inside jokes, do happy hours and the whole nine. You would count them as good friends and they would do the same for you. However, you begin to notice that there is some “interesting” energy/chemistry between you and one particular co-worker. What do you do? Ignore it, acknowledge it and talk about it with your spouse, take note of it for yourself and begin to limit the amount of one on one contact you have with that person or minimize it….it’s not that serious, right? Well, my husband and I have found that the best rule is to ACKNOWLEDGE & AVOID.
ACKNOWLEDGE: That means you admit the attraction or the chemistry and not just to yourself—yep, you tell your spouse about it. If you’re not used to doing this then it will probably be extremely awkward to do at first. But, when you do you’ll more than likely feel relief after the uncomfortable feelings because you don’t have this little secret you’re keeping from your partner. Do you open up the possibility for your spouse to be a little alarmed—maybe. It depends on the couple. But, you also open up the possibility for there to be real talk in your relationship that in the long run builds a more solid connected couple. You can talk about it and 9 times out of 10 your relationship will be strengthened as your partner gains confidence in your commitment to be honest with them.
AVOID: So, this means what is says—Make a concerted effort to minimize your one to one contact with this person. Be cordial and keep it moving. Just save the “I would never cheat on my husband/wife.” and “That’s not necessary to do.” comments. Invest more in being smart then trying to seem as if you are. Plain and simple. Lee Bailey’s Electronic Urban Report shared Tribbett’s interview and we have an excerpt for you below.
The Associated Press: You and your family have been through a lot of drama. How did you fall into the trap of cheating on your wife?
Tribbett: I thought it was something that’ll never happen. I saw infidelity with my mom and dad who was a pastor, which made them split. I told myself that I would never do that. So when it happened in my marriage, it was like “Whoa.” God broke down my self-righteousness, my pride.
AP: How did you feel when she did the same to you?
Tribbett: As a husband it is PARAMOUNT to be there for your wife emotionally, and I blew it and I wasn’t there for her, which opened her up to fall into the same trap and commit the same sin as I did! I’m just so grateful that it wasn’t the end for us!
AP: What led you to cheat?
Tribbett: (Televangelist) Joyce Meyers gave the best explanation of what my situation was about. She said lust has no conscience. It doesn’t care if you’re married, doesn’t care about your responsibility, doesn’t care if you’re a pastor. It wants what it wants when it wants. It doesn’t have to be because of lack for lust to take hold.
AP: How was it for you when you and your wife took a break from each other?
Tribbett: When I was between my house and mom’s home, I was contemplating suicide — almost every day.
AP: Like any other gospel artist, you preach against what you and your wife have done to each other. Does your approach change on how people should live their life through your beliefs?
Tribbett: I still have to say the same thing as before because it’s a sin. I still say it’s wrong. But my approach is more compassionate. It’s not as militant. It’s easier to preach against something that’s not your struggle. Through this situation, this humiliation has made me walk in humility.
AP: How do you expect people to listen to you now?
Tribbett: I don’t know. It’s been very difficult to face people who look up to you. … But this situation made people see that leaders are not above what they teach. I’ll never choose this again, but I’m grateful that it happened.
AP: How much has your relationship with your wife changed?
Tribbett: Every second, it’s like we are texting each other. We’ve been married for 13 years, but it’s kind of like we are dating again. Personally, this is a fresh start for me as a husband and a father.
AP: What type of advice would you give to someone who is toying with the idea of cheating?
Tribbett: Don’t trust yourself. You’re thinking to yourself, “We’ll just text.” Your limits are going to keep getting broader and broader. That’s how we deceive ourselves. You need to flee. Run!
AP: How about the ones who have followed through with the act?
Tribbett: I will say it’s tough, but restoration is possible. … God is able to restore your marriage and bring it back to life. I’m a witness to that. I thought it was a wrap! I wasn’t concerned about my career. It’s all about total submission, total surrender. The temptation will come back only to show your deliverance.
Ok, so B Intentional Family, what do you think about this? Could ACKNOWLEDGE & AVOID work in your relationship?
Bryce. Don’t use people to interfere with your personal relationship with God. No preacher will be there to defend you and plead for your soul when the time comes. Jesus will. We go to church to worship, pray, praise God and hear what the spirit saith unto the churches. Not to see or worship the preachers, although we should hold them accountable. God uses people, Moses, Solomon, David, the list goes on and on who were SINNERS. The gospels were written to include GRACE which preachers need the most. If God forgives who are we not to. God restores relationships and marriages. I am gonna take this time to THANK HIM for that…. Hallelujah!!!
The notion of infidelity both saddens and scares me because it is REAL. Brother Tribbett's reference to Minister Joyce Meyer's statement regarding it having no conscience couldn't be more accurate. It's not about black (or rainbow colored) men going to church or not; it's about the reality of the throws of temptation – from David & Bethsheba to the modern day couple. It is incumbant upon us to be STRONG enough to be honest about where our WEAKNESSES lie. I'm going to triple "A" this one by adding ACCOUNTABILITY. If you have a non-judgemental, non-gossping, respecful stick wit'cha through it all family member or friend – commission them as your point person for ACCOUNTABILITY, giving them permission to be all up in your grill once you confess (or they notice) your issue(s). If they meet the criteria, they will pray, support, advise and protect you from yourself! I'm just sayin'…
This is for Bryce… I truly understand your concern and comment however you can't allow what someone else go through to dictate what religion is all about. The Bible says that all have sinned and come short of His glory but what makes it so righteous is the fact that even though we fall down, God's grace and mercy always has us getting back up again! We learn from our mistakes and grow from there…. There are a lot of black men in the church and it's your humility that has you asking for forgiveness…. One thing the Bible teaches is that you must forgive in order to move on in your life and to grow…. Dont' be so critical on the leaders of the church…. They are human too and aren't without sin….. I hope and pray that you grow from that mentality and gain a lil understanding of the church…. every minister isn't slick talking and feeding you some garbage…. and the Bible again says to study to show thyself approved unto God…. Meaning gain the knowledge for yourself that way you can rightly divide the word of truth or know who's giving you crock or not!
Ok Ok Ok….When are we going to quit using the "We all have sinned" quote frome the bible. Yes we HAVE sinned (past tense), but it is time to renew your mind and replace that old person with the fruit of the spirit. Please let's stop falling back on, "We all have sinned". And start being accountable for our actions. Let's walk the walk. We are passing the "We all have sinned" excuse down to younger generations and wonder why crooked church leaders keep popping up. It's because they live with the "We all have sinned" excuse instead of renewing their minds and following God with their whole heart by being tranformed. They are holding on the a little piece of the old person and that causes them to slide back into that old way.
I don't mean any disrespect, but although it is dissapointing to see some of our black Christian leaders fall to temptation, it is also very inaccurate to say that black men don't go to church. In my life and what I've seen I have seen more black men in church NOW than my entire time growing up. My church is small, but we have a very strong representation in church and just because a few brothers fall doesn't mean that church is a waste of time. People make up the church, but we worship an Awesome God, and He has not commited these sins, people have. I don't condone the sins that have taken place, but I worship God, not TT, EL, KF, JB or anyone else who will fall. I think that acknowledge and avoid is a good strategy. Great conversaion.
awesome words and i agree…
A viewer said:
this was a great article. i know this is why i haven't married before. i just knew by behavior that i would end up being hurt if i had. i think admit and avoid is very realistic! i would imagine that having that kind of honesty would cause both parties become more conscious of their own behavior and be more willing to tweak the relationship if necessary.
My recent post Anyone Can Cheat…Even You- Gospel Artist Tye Tribett Talks About His And His Wife’s Infidelity
At any given time, a person can and will fall into temptation. It is possible to come back from something like this. It is not easy, it takes a lot of work, soul searching and honest communication. Many people go through this; it just isn't played out in the media. A "slick talkin' minister" is human too. At any given time they are not being led by God's Spirit, they screw up too. Too many peope worship man instead of God which leads to many disappointments when it is discovered that they are truly human too. Repentance is real and healing is possible. A marriage can survive the assault of infidelity. Twenty years of marriage and speaking from experience. Believe me, I wasn't falling for slick talk; results and transparency only. It can be done.
Ty Tribbett, Eddie Long, Kirk Franklin, Jamal Bryant, etc etc etc…and people wonder why black men don't go to church. I'm not get swindled by no slick talkin' minister. And after he cheats he comes back to the community with his hat in hands asking for forgivenss. Black women fall for it evry time.
Bryce don't be so judgemental! NONE OF US can throw stones because we all live in glass houses! Though I have not committed adultery physically, I do know what it is to go there in my mind or even to cross the line flirting. Emotional adultery happens before physical. More than anything people need to read the mail (the word) and not get all engrossed in the mail man (preacher)!
my brother you need to get off your high horse and stop throwing rocks you don't want to get hit with. there is no man nor woman that is perfect not even you. yea he fell to adultery but I guarantee you an ex something too, stop judging and start praying. and thats not the reason black men don't go o church, black men don't go to church because they don't want to be held accountable to nothing, and have to much pride to admit that they need help.