Lil Wayne & “How To Love”…. One Woman’s Commentary

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor
There’s a lot of buzz about Lil Wayne’s new video, “How to Love.” Most people agree that it is shining a bright light on several community ills. From domestic violence to molestation to HIV awareness, this video attempts to illustrate them all. Ok, enough of that. Let’s change the channel to another rump-shaking, titillating video.

Let me be clear, I am a Lil Wayne fan. I have Weezy F Baby on the ipod right now. I’m not even anti-rumpshaking. I am a fervent supporter of the 1st Amendment. I believe that GROWN people can listen to and watch whatever music/video/movie they want to watch as long as the people that made the art were consenting adults. That is a pretty liberal view, right? So what possible problem do I have with the “How to Love” video? Actually, let me answer a question with a question: What do you do after you watch the video? Do you go back to business as usual? Or do you change something in your personal life or in your community?

I know you are cringing and thinking, “Neysa! It’s just a video!” But why watch the video? Why post and comment about how important it is to see stories like this if we don’t do anything about it? Instead of just seeing great art about a tragic situation, I would rather work so the illustration is no longer needed. Doesn’t that make more sense? How many more “conscious” videos or movies are we going to watch? We turn to BET/MTV/Youtube or go to the nearest movie theater and watch the same storyline over and over again. Remember 2Pac’s “Brenda’s Got a Baby?” Or Eve’s “Love is Blind?” Luda’s “Runaway Love?” What about Precious? What about anything by Tyler Perry? I know you’ve seen at least one of these. So I got it. I understand the facts.

Fact 1: Our daughters are being stalked by predators.

Fact 2: Our sons are dying trying to define their manhood.

Fact 3: It’s our fault.

I know, I know. No one likes to have the finger pointed at them, but we can’t expect children to fend for themselves; can we? Nope. We are charged with not only providing for them, but for protecting them. We are supposed to position them to fulfill their potential. That is our job. And to be honest, lots of folks are falling down on the job. If you notice I didn’t say lots of parents, I said lots of folks. We are all stakeholders in our community. We all have to be better.
So, what are you to do? How can you be better?

Parents:
Read to your child.
Do not practice or participate in behavior that you don’t want your child to follow.
Attend an academic school function.
Know your child’s friends.
Establish boundaries.
Get your child involved in some extra-curricular activity.
Talk to your child.
Kiss and hug your child.
Don’t trust everyone with your child. Just because so-&-So is cool, does not mean they are a qualified sitter.
If your child confides in you, believe them and fight for them.
Pray for your child and with your child.

Community (This includes parents too. Yep, you have double the work.):
Mentor a child.
Speak at a youth event.
Share your story as a cautionary tale.
Be an advocate for a family member that is not parenting well.
Attend your lil’ cousins school event if their parent can’t attend.
Give to organizations that provide tutoring or scholarships.
Speak to kids you see out during your daily life.
Praise good behavior.
Pray for the community.

Here is a list of organizations that would be happy to have your time and donations:
YMCA Black Achievers
Big Brother/Big Sisters
Black Girls Rock
Girl Scouts
Boy Scouts
Boys and Girls Club

Now you have the action steps. So go ahead, watch the video. Download it to the ipod. And turn the volume way up as you head out the door to DO SOMETHING to fix the problem.

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work atwww.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com.

Ain’t No Party Like A Popcorn Party Cause A Popcorn Party Don’t Stop

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If you’re they type of person that struggles for ideas for “family time”….how’s about a POPCORN PARTY?  Check out this video where one of our newfound friends (Shamiparyah) is making popcorn with her children.  It’s an event, it’s an occasion, it’s a POPCORN PARTY!!!!!!  Enjoy!

Are You Afraid Of Muslims? A September 11th Reflection

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Courtesy of The Pastor Rudy Experience

My encounters with racism and intolerance came early in life. When I wanted barbecue, I would have to go to the widow at the rear of John Davis’ Barbecue on Shepherd Drive in my hometown Houston, Texas to place my order because the dining room was reserved for “whites only” (did I mention John Davis was African American?). When I wanted to drink from a public water fountain I would have to choose the fountain marked “colored.” When we traveled by car, my father would have to carefully choose the places we stopped because of the prospect for mistreatment in unfamiliar towns. When I was 7 years old I attempted to use the rest room at a W.T. Grants Department Store. The “colored toilet” had a coin-operated device on the door requiring a dime in order to gain access. I used the free “whites only” toilet nearby only to be confronted by a white customer who yelled and challenged my using that restroom. When I was 9 years old, my aunt and I were refused service at Wolf’s Drug Store on Washington Ave. in my old neighborhood in Houston, Texas because we sat at the wrong end of the soda fountain counter reserved for “whites only.” I understand fear. I have experienced fear. I have been paralyzed by fear and I know today that racism and intolerance which originate in fear are limiting, paradoxical, self-negating forces designed to keep the human family suspicious of one another and apart from one another.

America has always been a land prone to fear. From a time prior to its inception as an organized union of states, the driving force behind development has been a form of fear. Whether it was the fear of losing power, the fear of being overcome by another people group, or the fear of dying at the hands of others there has been a consistent theme of fear permeating both politics and policy for centuries. So maybe we do have a phobia. The word phobia originates from the Greek word phobos which simply means “fear.” In psychiatric terms phobia is defined as an abnormal intense and irrational fear of a given situation, organism, or object. There are approximately 530 known phobias making fear an inclusive experience. There is one phobia Americans don’t have in large numbers and that’s Chrometophobia. Its is an exaggerated or irrational fear of money where sufferers experience undue anxiety that they might mismanage money or that money might live up to its reputation as “the root of all evil.” (A Thought: What would happen if we began to fear the misuse of money as much as we fear each other?)

Is America Islamophobic? In the September 2, 2011 Issue of the New York Times, Eliyahu Stern offered a perspective on the recent controversy surrounding the outlawing of certain aspects of Shariah law entitled “Don’t Fear Islamic Law in America.” The passing of a prohibition concerning Shariah law could drastically interfere in Muslims ability to navigate cultural necessities such as dietary laws and marriage. More than a dozen states in the U.S. are considering following the state of Tennessee, which recently drove another wedge in inter-religious relations in the U.S. and created another level of fear and suspicion. On the eve of the commemoration of the anniversary of the September 11th attacks, the signs of harmony are not looking good as a recent Gallup poll reported only 56% of Protestants polled think Muslims are loyal Americans.

Stern states in the article, “America’s exceptionalism has always been its ability to transform itself — economically, culturally and religiously. In the 20th century, we thrived by promoting a Judeo-Christian ethic, respecting differences and accentuating commonalities among Jews, Catholics and Protestants. Today, we need an Abrahamic ethic that welcomes Islam into the religious tapestry of American life.” The “9/11 Memorial” located at the site of the former World Trade Center complex in lower Manhattan will be dedicated on September 11, 2011 the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks in a ceremony for victims’ families.

I have often wondered since becoming a Christian whether or not the people who advocated for separate water fountains, rest rooms, and entrances during my childhood were Christians and what were they afraid of? I have also wondered how Christian devotees could know the effects of religious oppression and the suppression of religious freedom, yet advocate for the suppression of rights for Muslims or any other faith practitioner who desires to worship freely? Regardless to how this matter ultimately plays out in media, I believe the people who consider themselves Christians must defend the rights of others to worship in freedom. Walter Wink puts it this way; “When the church refuses to live out the costly identification with the oppressed it is like saying to the lion and the lamb, “let us mediate your differences,” and the Lion replies, “sure you can mediate my differences with the lamb after I finish my lunch.”

How would Jesus respond to Islamophobia? Don’t ask someone for the answer to the question; look into your own heart and respond accordingly.

Pastor Rudy is a man who once hung in the streets, then transformed his life to become a Pastor whose primary mission is to touch and heal harts.He is the author of a book entitled “Touch: The Power of Touch in Transforming Lives” which profiles his unique brand of faith sharing and radical hospitality and a music project (the book’s sound track) entitled “Touch: The Pastor Rudy Experience” on Spirit Rising Music (2006). Visit him on Twitter

Bet You Didn’t Know: Pregnancy Rate Down 44% Among Black Teens!

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By Team BLAM

I couldn’t believe it when I read it. I read it again. Say what? African American teens have seen a decline in the pregnancy rate? This is EXCELLLENT! In the last several years there has been a more concentrated focus on examining and restoring the black family, moms and dads and children in our community. This statistic is encouraging to say the least. It says that with persistent and unwavering dedication we can begin to slowly but surely turn the statistics around in our community. We can educate and liberate ourselves out of dysfunctional thinking and patterns and into a more balanced and healthy reality.

So, everybody keep doing your part. Let’s continue to talk to our young people, accept them for who they are and challenge them to be all that God would have them to be at the same time. Each One. Teach One. It really does make a difference. Check out the report from ESSENCE below.

Source: ESSENCE.com

If you listen to the news, you would think that our community is the least responsible when it comes to safe sex practices and unwanted pregnancies, but that’s actually false. We’re not the worst, by far, and lots of progress has been made.

Nationally, the teen pregnancy rate is down 40 percent and the teen birth rate is down one-third among all racial and ethnic groups, but progress has been most impressive in the African-American community. Among Black teens, the pregnancy rate has declined a whopping 44 percent and the teen birth rate has declined 47 percent. That’s tremendous news! That said, there’s still work to be done. It’s still true that 50 percent of all African-American girls in the U.S. will get pregnant at least once before their 20th birthday.

ESSENCE teamed up with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy for an unprecedented survey of 1,500 black youths, ages 13-21, to better understand their attitudes on sex, dating, relationships, and the media, to look at how this affects their decisions.

Many of the results were alarming and require immediate action on the part of parents of Black children in America. For instance, although 9 out of 10 kids say they don’t want to get pregnant, 45 percent say they use birth control inconsistently. Nearly half of those surveyed who’ve had sex admit that they felt pressure to go further than they wanted to and 48 percent admit to having lied to get out of an comfortable sexual situation.

The media isn’t offering any alternatives to these unsettling statistics, the survey revealed. Seven out of 10 of the youth surveyed feel the TV shows and movies they watch portray them as sexually aggressive and deviant, and less than 18 percent believe they actually see a true reflection of themselves on screen.

Parents can help to put an end to these troubling statistics, if they put in the effort that’s needed to educate and communicate with our children now. The survey reveals that parental influences are the strongest chance we have at reaching younger teens (ages 13-15). Remember that your kids want to hear from you. Sixty-seven percent of teens felt if more teens were open to talking with their parents about sex, and could, there would be less teen pregnancy.

BLAM Fam: How do you communicate with your children about sex? Do you even communicate at all? Be honest….

Interview With The Proud Parents Of 7 Who Just Had A Home Water Birth

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By Team BLAM

Bringing a new life into the world is one of the most beautiful and life changing experiences a couple can have.  I remember the birth of each of my 4 children and I promise you–it was as if the universe shifted (as did my consciousness and awareness) each and every time. Motherhood is truly a gift and I am enjoying the presents in my 4 little ones each and every day. 🙂

In this interview you’ll get a peek inside the relationship of Isekel & Shamiparyah Banisara- El.  They will be sharing how they work together at raising their large family and how they stay connected as a couple amidst all of the responsibilities that come with being Mommy & Daddy. Visit mom of 7, Shamiparyah Banisara -El’s website for more about her experience. CLICK HERE to visit her YouTube Channel. Enjoy!

In case you missed the video of their unassisted home water birth, you can check it out below.  Enjoy!

VIDEO: Simply Beautiful! Husband & Wife Record The Home Water Birth Of Baby Number 7!

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By Aiyana Ma’at

Bringing a new life into the world is one of the most beautiful and life changing experiences a couple can have.  I remember the birth of each of my 4 children and I promise you–it was as if the universe shifted (as did my consciousness and awareness) each and every time. Motherhood is truly a gift and I am enjoying the presents in my 4 little ones each and every day. 🙂

A few weeks back one of our wonderful twitter followers sent us a video of a mom & dad of 6 (now 7) having a Home Water Birth. This family recorded their experience and shared it on YOUTUBE. And, it was moving to say the least. So, all of you mommies (and mommies to be) out there, sit back and take a few moments to take in the birth of the Ysrayl family’s newest addition Nasir Inash.

We will be releasing our interview with this young beautiful married couple later this week. You’ll get a peek inside of how they work together at raising their large family and how they stay connected as a couple amidst all of the responsibilities that come with being Mommy & Daddy. Visit mom of 7, Shamiparyah Ysrayl’s, website for more about her experience. Enjoy the birth of Nasir!

Editor’s Note: Home Birth’s are a deeply debated issue in the United States. We encourage you to always do your own research and seek the advice of a medical professional you trust. Following are some resources for those considering the possibility of a home or water birth:

Click HERE to visit Shamiparyah’s website which she says “was created out of my desire to be more effective in answering the many inquiries that I’ve received over the last couple of years. The answers and suggestions given are simply based upon my years of research and the application thereof in my personal life and in those of my household.”

Ckick HERE to read an article published in the Los Angeles Times titled: At Home Birth has Pros and Cons

Click HERE to read the American Medical Association’s Position on Home Birthing.

Click HERE to read information about Home Birthing from the American Pregnancy Association.

Read HOME BIRTH: An Annotated Guide To The Literature published by the Division of Midwifery in the Faculty of Medicine, University of British Columbia in collaboration with the American College of Nurse-Midwives and the Midwives Alliance of North America.

Check Your Life: 13 Qualities Of A Strong Support System

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“What does it mean to build a support system? Well, most people use it to refer to the people you have around you who can encourage, understand, nurture and care about you; people who will be around to share in your good times, your accomplishments, your crisis times and your depressions.

Who should you have in your support system? That is an easily answered question but sometimes it can be difficult to find people to qualify. Support people should be able to encourage, understand, nurture, care for and love you.

Here are some characteristics of a strong support person:

1) The ablility to listen for the duration of your need to ventilate or communicate something without changing the focus onto themselves.

2) The ability to then share regarding the given topic from their own personal history and/or perspective.

3) The ability to voice at the start if they are unable or unwilling, for whatever reason, to give you the time that you need.

4) The ability to inform you if the content of the converstation is harming them. This shows you that they are taking care of themselves and frees you from that responsibility.

5) The ability to share what is bothering them AFTER you have finished. Not changing the focus of the conversation from you (if you initiated contact) until it was completed.

6) The ability to comprehend what you are saying. Even if they don’t fully comprehend, are they at least trying to understand what you are saying or feeling?

7) The ability to repeat to you what you are saying to help you clarify your comprehension and communication abilities.

8) The ability to respect your right to refuse their venting on you if you are unable to cope with it.

9) The ability to respect your privacy in regards to your property, body and mind.

10) The ability to not violate your space, body or mind. This incorporates not touching unless gaining your permission, not telling you what you should do or how you should feel, or that what you are saying, doing or feeling is wrong in any way. It also incorporates not trying to make you adopt their point of view.

11) The ability to encourage you to choose of your own free will what to do and to help you explore and discover the various choices available to you, even the negative ones. Not trying to fix things for you or run your life for you.

12) The ability to accept and encourage your participation in activities without them and with other people.

13) The ability to accept not being told everything and not being your only support person.

Having and creating a strong support system is so important. We cannot stress enough the drama reducing, perspective giving, nerve calming, sense making, life saving benefits of having a strong support system. No matter where you find yourself on your life’s path right now—take a minute to evaluate who’s in your circle of support.

Don’t have a true support system? No worries. That just means you have a little more work to do. Humans are social animals. Our brains are built for social interaction. Look for opportunities to stay engaged in the lives of others, and to include others in your life. Consider joining or increasing your involvement in recreational, leisure or faith-based groups formed around activities you enjoy. Volunteering or taking a class are other ways to get out there and interact, planting the seeds for supportive relationships to grow.

You may also want to explore networking opportunities on the internet. There are hundreds of social networking sites that cater to virtually every need, interest and age group. While socializing via computer is one option to consider, this type of communication should be balanced with face-to-face connections.

St. Louis Woman Arrested For Shooting Her 4 And 5 Year-Old Kids With A Shotgun: This Is Why We Do What We Do…

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An Illinois woman suspected in the shotgun deaths of her two youngest children was arrested in Missouri after allegedly hitting three pedestrians with her car near St. Louis’ Gateway Arch, Illinois State Police said Thursday.

Authorities said they arrested the woman Wednesday night in St. Louis as she sat with a shotgun on a bench outside KMOV-TV after the wreck. Officers in nearby East St. Louis, Ill., responded shortly before to reports of shots fired and found the bodies of a 4-year-old girl and 5-year-old boy in a bedroom of the family’s apartment, state police Capt. James Morrisey said.

Autopsies on Thursday determined that each child was shot once in the head at close range with a shotgun and died instantly of the “devastating” injuries, said Danny Haskenhoff, St. Clair County’s chief deputy coroner.

The woman’s 8-year-old son managed to escape unharmed and was in a relative’s custody Thursday, Morrisey said.

Investigators have interviewed the 25-year-old woman, who remained jailed Thursday in St. Louis, and “have an understanding” of why the shootings happened, Morrisey said without elaborating.

A spokeswoman for the St. Clair County, Ill., prosecutor’s office said no charges were expected Thursday, though they could be filed Friday.

Word of the woman’s arrest sparked celebrations among a throng that gathered Wednesday night outside the apartment where the killings took place.

“This is a horrific scene inside,” East St. Louis Police Capt. Bobby Cole told reporters before gesturing toward the onlookers. “Once we got word of her being in custody, they erupted in praise and clapping of the hands.”

The suspect’s relatives told media outlets she recently had been prescribed medication to treat depression or a mental illness.

Word is that the woman lost her mind after being laid off.

Words cannot begin to really convey the deep hurt we feel in our hearts. Two beautiful children’s lives are DONE…OVER. This is senseless. How must this young mother have been feeling? I can only imagine. We read some comments across the web from folks who passionately expressed their pain and anger over this incident. Here are 2 such comments (Warning: These reactions are raw and “in your face” to say the least. We did not alter.)

“I’m sorry. But I can relate to her. I haven’t hurt my children, but I too am a single mother of 3 and I’m 25. I face many issues. Reading stories like this keep me strong kind and LOVING to my children. Because its not their fault. (Although 2 of them came from rape). It does get very hard. Especially if you dnt hv any family support(like me) or friends you trust. What we need is GOD. Anyone can snap. ANYONE. So calling her names and saying what should happen to her is not going to change WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. We are all capable of murder. We need to find our salvation in JESUS. This is the only reason why I haven’t gone crazy and killed my self. The love that God has shown me kept me. I am still very kind motivational loving and sweet. You would never be able to guess I’ve been thru what I hv. We all hv a choice. She could hv chosen differently, but look at how society deals with “emotions” now a days. We are cold and heartless. Lets be more caring and supportive for a change!!! Bet NO ONE gave a f about them kids until they were killed!!!!”

The below comment is in response to the one you just read.

“If you can relate, keep your FU*K*K*ING LEGS closed and STOP having babies with men that cant afford them! Its that ny*g*ah syndrome thats a problem within our society. Black women feel they can do rear children alone and that makes them independent and strong! Well I have news for you: it makes you STOOPID and wore out! Yes black women are strong, but why raise a child alone if you dont have to!!? Wait to you meet a decent man, get to know him, and have you thought of the word “marriage?” Look up the definition of that word! You can get a ring you know?!! Uggh.

I have an ex-friend who has two children with a man thats a deadbeat. He’s in his mid 20’s, no job, a dirtbag, petty hustler, no secondary education and no clue. He didnt want the two kids she had, which or now 5 and 7, and she constantly complained about him and his trifling ways, and how she wants to do better. Instead of doing better, what does she do? Gets pregnant with her third child by the same man,and is due any day!!! Real STOOPID… Im tired of black men’s sorry, a*z*Z behavior but unfortunately the women know they’re dealing with trashy men, but are willing to accept ANYTHING to say they have a man, which in reality THEY DONT, and the kids are the ones who suffer! So STOP being a piece of trash and doing ny*gger shy*te, use A CONDOM or all the other HUNDREDS of birth control thats available to you!! Stop blaming society for your OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BIRTHS and Hood mentality. Trifling A*Z*Zes keep breeding trash: Hoes andCriminals. Get a clue, people are sick of you! If you can afford them DONT have them. The world is over as we know it. Middle class is disappearing and gov’t money is running out. The Recession is real, dumb dumb!!”

Our question is this BLAM Fam:

How might this young lady and these childrens’ lives have played out if she had the support of a strong husband and a strong family system?

Our prayers and silent meditations are with this young lady, her surviving 8 year old son, her family and each and every man, woman, and child in our community out here trying to make it—-trying to survive.

Source: Associated Press

How To Keep You & Your Family Safe During & After A Hurricane

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By Team BLAM

Well, we’ve been to the store to stock up on groceries and water. We’ve got our flashlights, batteries, first aid kit, etc. We had our usual disagreement about what is necessary and what’s not necessary.  Ayize tries as usual to convince me that a loaf of bread is “enough” for a 6 member family during a 2 day power outage.  Whateva Ayize….lol.  All jokes aside nature is awesome and can be both inspiring and intimidating. We must respect its’ beauty and power. The best way to do this is to BE PREPARED. Check out these safety tips from freelance travel editor and writer Dawn Henthorn.

Staying Home

If you live in a sound structure outside the evacuation area and do not live in a mobile home, stay home and take these precaution:

Before the storm.

Make sure your windows are protected and your home is secured.

Check your disaster supplies kit. Make sure you have water, non-perishable food, medications and don’t forget that non-electric can opener.

Clean containers for cleaning water. Line the bathtub with plastic sheeting or a clean shower curtain, or caulk the drain with silicone caulking — it holds water for weeks and cleans up easily when dry. Plan on three gallons per person, per day for all uses (including flushing the toilet).

During the storm.

Howling winds, driving rain and the threat of tornadoes make riding out a hurricane a scary ordeal. Follow these tips for staying safe in your home during a hurricane:

Stay inside and away from windows, skylights and glass doors. Find a safe area in your home (an interior room, a closet or bathroom on the lower level).

If flooding threatens your home, turn off electricity at the main breaker.

If you lose power, turn off major appliances such as the air conditioner and water heater to reduce damage.

Do not use electrical appliances, including your computer.

Do not go outside. If the eye of the storm passes over your area, there will be a short period of calm, but at the other side of the eye, the wind speed rapidly increases to hurricane force and will come from the opposite direction. Also, do not go outside to see “what the wind feels like.” It is too easy to be hit by flying debris.

Beware of lightning. Stay away from electrical equipment. Don’t use the phone or take a bath/shower during the storm.

After the storm.

Typically, more deaths occur after a hurricane than during. These deaths come from people being too anxious to get outside and survey the damage where they come into contact with downed power lines or unstable trees, etc. Follow these suggestions for staying safe after the hurricane:

Remain indoors until an official “all clear” is given.

Do not touch fallen or low-hanging wires of any kind under any circumstances. Stay away from puddles with wires in/near them. Do not touch trees or other objects in contact with power lines.

USE PHONES ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES. Call 911 only for life-threatening situations.

Call police or utility companies immediately to report hazards such as downed power lines, broken gas or water mains, overturned gas tanks, etc.

Watch for weakened roads, bridges, tree limbs or porches which could collapse unexpectedly.

After power is restored, check refrigerated food for spoilage. (Spoiled food is the cause of much sickness two days to a week after the storm.)

When reinstalling a CB, TV or satelitte antenna, check in all directions to be sure no power lines are nearby. The same goes for climbing trees to clear debris.

Do not operate charcoal grills, propane camping stoves or generators indoors.

Staying at a Public Shelter

Area public shelters are for people who have no other place to go. If you must stay in a shelter, listen to news broadcasts for announcements of shelter openings. Shelter volunteers do their best to make you comfortable, but a shelter is not a very comfortable place. Stay with friends or relatives if at all possible.

Those with special medical needs (oxygen, etc.) should go to special needs shelters only. Special needs shelters do not provide hands-on medical care, only medical monitoring. Bring a caregiver with you if needed.

Only service animals are permitted in public shelters.

Eat before you arrive. Meals may not be available during the first 24 hours. Bring snacks.

Bring your identification, valuable papers and medications in their original containers.

Bring baby supplies.

Bring blankets/sleeping bags, pillows. Those are either not provided or limited in supply.

Bring cards/games/books to pass the hours.

Bring flashlights and a battery operated radio or TV with extra batteries for all.

Stay inside and follow directions that are given for your comfort and safety.

You will not be allowed outside until the official “all clear.”

BLAM Fam: How are you staying safe during Hurricane Irene?

Secrets In The Black Family

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By Veronica Wells

About a year ago my sister called me with some distressing news about one of our cousins. While she was more than willing to share, she let me know that my aunt and uncle wanted the incident to be kept secret. And not secret from friends and associates, secret from our other family members. I understand that you can’t share everything with everybody but far too often, in black families specifically, there’s an all too common practice of sweeping painful, embarrassing, hurtful information under the rug.

And apparently my family’s not the only one, many of you remember when Mo’Nique went public about the molestation she suffered at the hands of her older brother. (You can watch her interview with Joy Behar here. There are two parts. Part 1 and Part 2.) Even after she told her parents what happened, her brother denied it and her parents didn’t really address it. For years she carried that burden until her role as Mary Jones in “Precious” where she portrayed a child molester. Through Mary Jones she was able to empathize with her brother and even able to forgive him.

You’ll note her honesty lead to the most successful period in her professional life thus far. I’d argue that wasn’t a coincidence . Her healing only came after she acknowledged it.

Then there’s Tyler Perry. And as much as people have to say about his films, if you’ve seen any of them you can’t help but notice that there’s often the “family secret” component to his work. Whether you like the way he conveys this information or not you can respect the fact that he’s creating space for black families to talk about their own drama. That’s admirable.

If I had to link this propensity to hide back to a certain period I’d say slavery is a good place to start. Many of our ancestors coped with the brutal inhumanity of this period by consciously or subconsciously repressing life changing events and memories. And it makes sense. What father wants to tell his children he was owned, beaten, or  degraded by another man? It’s not exactly a memory you want associated with the family legacy.

Or is it?

Source: Madamenoire.com

Visit Madamenoire.com to read more.