Affair Recovery 101: Build New Memories Through Dating

By Charles Calvert

Somewhere down its path, your nuptials went south, and may even have been furthermore rocked by an affair. If your marriage is in this predicament, you know all too well how your once-happy “union” can begin to feel like unpaid, overtime work.

There isn’t a way to not do the work when it comes to recovering from an affair and saving your marriage. But take heart: it doesn’t have to be all hard work.

In this article, I’ll help you consider whether or not you’re taking advantage of one critical tactic for saving and  re-building your marriage.

Nobody kids themselves that recovering from an affair and saving a marriage in crisis will be effortless. Who wouldn’t honestly feel some sense of dread when faced with an unappetizing menu such at that to look ahead to?

But, don’t sell yourself or your marriage short. Yes, the difficult work of compromise and repairing the damage brought on by an affair must go on.

Just remember an additional critical element that goes into building your marriage: Fun.

The Survival of Your Relationship Demands It. You may be thinking: Fun? Did I just read that correctly?

Fun has probably become a distant memory in light of the latest events in your marriage. Trying to rescue a sinking ship doesn’t appear to go along with making time to strike up the band.

But in an effort to move forward as a couple, you and your spouse really need to rebuild your bond. By focusing on building pleasant memories again, the bad memories and grief may begin to lose their dominance and hold over your relationship which is a giant step in recovering from an affair.

You need to reignite the spark that once brought you two together. In order for this to occur, you need to work together to prepare fertile ground for this to take place.

And where have partners always created and expanded their mutual spark? By indulging in dates with one another-time set aside to simply “be” as a couple, relax and have a good time. Here I will discuss some steps to help you prepare to reignite:

Step 1: Develop a Date List

For weeks, months-and maybe longer-you and your spouse have been cataloging and reviewing the hurts and slights within your relationship. And if there’s been an affair, the misery produced is rarely far from your consciousness.

Take a step with a positive idea: discuss with your spouse and brainstorm date ideas. Or, agree that you will each brainstorm 5 ideas, and then combine the lists.

Step 2: Choose and Plan a Date Idea

From your list you and your spouse have created, select one date idea-and calendar it right away, in ink. To be able to improve your marriage, you need actions which may propel the relationship forward.

This doesn’t mean all hurt and anger disappears. What it shows is really a commitment on the part of both spouses to take the necessary steps to build positive memories.

Step 3: Put Aside Conflict for your Date

Your “first date” on your quest to save and build your marriage could possibly be a tense time. It won’t be the jitters you had on the initial first date you and your spouse had when you first got together. Below the surface of this date might be jitters about the best way to behave, what to say, what to discuss.

Agree that for this date, you’ll both commit to relax, and not point out any conflicts or points of contention during this time you’ve set aside. You will both need to be mindful of the hot-button issues-and steer clear to begin recovering from an affair.

BLAM Fam: How important do you think it is to be intentional about creating new good memories after an affair so that the bad memories lose their dominance?