Do Unto Women As You Would Have Men Do Unto YOUR DAUGHTER

By Ilex Bien-Aime

Karma, Fellas… Do You Reap What You Sow?

“Karma” – Hinduism, Buddhism. Action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.

Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”

I am sure that if I did a word study that I would find other similar definitions of what happens to a man when he makes certain decisions. When you are younger and foolish, you may not think about the consequences of your actions. Maybe it’s the pursuit of getting what we want that keeps us from paying attention and/or maybe we feel that we will take our punishments later?

It’s so crazy to see what I have become and what my friends have become. We are now husbands, fathers, uncles, and God fathers. Our views of the world seem to be different than they were a few years ago. These guys used to run the streets with me and do some crazy things but now we are different people. Some of us however, have not had the good sense to change.

Most of us men are peculiar creatures. We like to dish out evil stock but we really do not want the return on our investments. You see now we are afraid of having daughters because we look back at some of the things we used to do. When we think about our war stories, they suddenly  don’t seem all that funny anymore – at least not when our little princesses or nieces come to mind.

When men are younger, we feel no sense of responsibility and ties – we felt that we could do whatever we pleased. All we wanted was to fulfill our needs and so some of us lied and did all manner of evil to get what we wanted from women. It didn’t matter that she was someone’s child. At this point in time, our Vulture mentality was at its absolute peak.

It’s crazy but I hear my friends talk about what they are going to do to men if they try to disrespect their daughters and nieces. The running joke that most men make is that we are going to buy our shotguns for these little boys trying to pursue our pride and joy. What is sad about this in many cases is the fact that some of us are disrespecting the mothers of our daughters even to this very day. We want our child to have a healthy dating life and yet we are sowing a terrible seed in our own lives.

Think about what some of us are doing fellas – I know it sounds crass but I know of girls in college who have been recorded having sex with a guy and then have that tape blasted all around the school. I know of naked pictures and compromising situations in which many of my friends have had women.. Though I was probably the most tame of my friends, I was definitely no saint.

Maybe if we realized that these women were someone else’s children and family members, we probably would not have been so eager to disrespect them. It’s crazy how most men don’t have a problem with seeing a woman’s behind jiggle in a thong while tossing dollars at her, but let that be his daughter and someone has to die. It seems as if no one has a problem with watching someone else’s daughter do filthy things for money but when that kid is ours, we will try to sue the distribution company so that no one will be able to watch the tape. Now we seem to care about what we call women because it’s not too kosher to hear knuckleheads calling our babies out of their names.

Have we doomed our daughters by our own foolish actions? Clearly this is not always the case but this does make me reflect on my disrespect of women. When you look into your little girl’s eyes, you think about all of the things that you hope she will become. We often forget that the women that we hurt and disrespected are daughters themselves. Maybe if we think about what our future princesses will mean to us, we wouldn’t be so quick to hurt other peoples’ princesses!

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.

11 replies
  1. A Hadiya Staley
    A Hadiya Staley says:

    Well written piece. I quite liked it!

  2. 20 and Engaged
    20 and Engaged says:

    When it comes down to it, it's about role models. Better parenting, more people getting involved and not putting up with young men and women disrespecting each other. My mom was/is a great role model, and I kept that in mind with everything I've done. I had my dad around (and my stepdad) who showed me how a man should treat a woman. My brothers (while I've never been around them with random women, but just basing how they treat their significant others) have been chivalrous, respectable, and great men to their girlfriends/wives. Yes, I agree, young men should do unto women as they would want their future daughters / god daughters / nieces to be treated, but some just don't think that far ahead. I don't think this article is playing the blame game; it's just an "open your eyes" piece.
    My recent post Marriage Speed Bumps: Cleaning the House

    • Lync
      Lync says:

      Ok to answer to this (but some just don't think that far ahead) Ok these boys which are kids really it takes a man to put away childish games and then some. But to try and point some light to be express then topic here, there are not a lot of roll models that their age group can look up to. These kids that are disrespecting women relate to rapp idols and ball players that flash their money around. Not all ball players do this but when you have shows like Pimp my Rid and shows like this. It's become their role models. I am sure this sound in sane, However go to some of the places where they hang out and do a personal survey and just ask them. You will find out just how out of it they really are. Idols of today times are on TV that work for network that are after ratings and within the rating system ignorance sells for what ever reason. Call all of this crazy but there truth to this after effect that a lot young boys are exposed to. Ok where are the YMCA clubs around America, Or social groups that they can feel a part of and belong to something that can also teach morals along with the parent OR A CHURCH GROUP OF SOME SORT. These things teaches responsibility, not Rapp videos or watch Shaq show off his crib and how much money he's spent on a superman bed. All of these negative images effect a young boys mind and all he's about is making the money and screwing. sorry to be so blunt but ask them if you do get around to talking to random boys. However first you have to get past them flirting with you. Again young men these days are misguided by money, Bling and the idea of a women half naked that shows it all. The Television Stations and Network all know about this, However sex sells these days and our youth is paying for in the long run. Bling does not promote safe sex. "Pimp My Crib" does not promote being responsible. you have young men with grills in their mouths ok where do you think they oick that up from or the baggy pants down to the ground, where do you think this all come from. Ok the same thing with the disrespect to women from what they see, therefore it to them is normal, not all boys but most of them who are lost with nothing else to feel a part of. Again you also have girls whom are a part of this industry showing all. So young men are already horny ok, lets be real here and in their mind if as they say "shuoty" is shakin it on the video like she don't car and you have girls dressing the part, there you go all confusion rapped up in one bag and so they end up hooking up and there you go.

      • Lync
        Lync says:

        People whom have issues with this on going problem are not doing the right kinds of research with the inner kids and high schools around America. Everyone wants to push the dirt under the carpet and pretend that they were never young and felt a sense of being lost.
        Today it's about make it, Money, Money, Money and more Money. Because that's the tone that s set in front of them everyday through the media, friends around them tripping about FreakNick and other events like this. I am not saying never enjoy your self ok but their enjoyment to put it frank, is laying up with as many images that they see like those girls on Tv of fast girl who act the part but are confused themselves of what's really going on or being sold to them to stimulate their imagination. Ok look at how the girls dance these days, it's inviting to a young man hormones, Boys are turned on seeing this. All men where boys once and at a young age we are fools, well most of us. Hopefully you get what I am saying and do research on your own. This is only a domino effect of a much larger problem. most boys do not even understand what this means " when I was a boy I did child like things, As I became a man I out away those things of a boy and became the man that I am to be" in the eye of the lord. Peace and I pray that this generation wakes up, meaning Young boys and young women.

  3. Ilex
    Ilex says:

    I think my point is being missed here. I am talking about young boys and men who have intentionally dogged women out in the past. I am saying that we need to be careful not to do this because we would not want for me to do this to our daughters.

    • Lync
      Lync says:

      Ilex- Young boys are driven by what? Ok who are their teachers of life? Can we change these young women who choose to sleep with them. There's this thing call swagger&bling in their group these days. Swagger translate to sleeping with a stranger just because they seem hot at the moment. Ok where do you think they get this way of thinking from, whats the answer to that.
      The chain reaction to all of this is all driven by people sleeping with strangers they really do not know which leads to two strangers raising kids, which amounts to one or the other disrespecting each other in front of the children. Ok lets back it up to the beginning before they undress. What's driving this force. Who's fault is it really if your daughter finds some kid that thuged out and think he's cool. Lets say that get involved and have a kid less then a year, he slaps her disrespect her and finally leaves. Who's really at fault here? Did she take the time to get to know Jack Swagger low pants wearing Jiggar. Are her parents guiding her, showing her how to conduct herself in front of men. Hey listen, I am on your side, But when you sit back and think, it's all about personal morals of who you let into your circle. But also have a great deal of respect for self.

  4. Ilex
    Ilex says:

    The article is written for men who have disrespected women and who hate when men try to disrespect their daughters or female family members. If this article is not about you, that's cool however many men have disrespected women and are now fathers not wanting their daughters to be disrespected. This is not about blaming going back and forth, this is about taking responsibility for our own actions. I am not sure the points that you are introducing but if you feel so strongly about the subject, please post an article with your points.

    • Lync
      Lync says:

      The bottom line is "we" or most of us in the beginning of being attracted to one another, do not take time to discover who are what we are dealing with. Where we friends before lovers> Did we take the time to court one another. And through this courtship did we talk about the "what if" someday. So once the kids did come alone we have a better idea of how to handle and conduct ourselves to one another in front of them so they get a fair shot at how men and women are to treat one another. Maybe you missed my point, and yes we do go back and forth on topics. but has the same underline meaning to it. About "self" before going forth to procreate life.

  5. Lync
    Lync says:

    Oh My God- We have this backwards again-

    This issue falls on both parties. a man and a woman ok. The conductors of any relationship has to be right with each other. There are women out there as well as men who treat relationship crappy- yo the children are watching taking notes on both of you not just men.
    However society blame the guy, when it both parties that are wrong on many fronts at how to be in a relationship. It is very wrong to stamp men whit this issue. when there are women out there that has no idea how to love the correct way. an example is and it goes like this: you have a women who's in a relationship for only the status on being in one but go to her girlfriends to gossip or complain about somebody else situation, meantime in her own house it's screwed up but on the outside of this relationship you would never see her in this light due to the fact that you are not in a relationship with her, only a friend or family member. Lets say she blames you for every dam thing ok, but can seem to look at her own faults and her short comings as a women or wife but has kids with this dude. In his mind they are to work this out between the two of them but in her mind she feels she need to run to others to hide her on bull crap. So when he point things out regarding her not wanting closeness due to her on hate towards men, but it hidden however comes out through her actions ok. Meanwhile she has two daughter that has a front row seat to all of this. who fault is it then. Ok first off you will blame the guy for this when it;s really her running away from her own relationship by not being able to deal with herself in a relationship. Ok this paints a clear picture in their daughters mind about how to be as women when they grow up. Ok who's fault is it now. So to even title a topic like this is very wrong when it's men and women shaping the ideas of how to be as adults through their own hang up related to relationships in general. This blame falls on both sides when the balance of a relationship is off. Bottom line here is before you even hook up with John Doe fine dude of Jane Doe fine women, ask your self this. what were your morals during the time when you had the chance to give courtship that leads to a solid friend a chance. Did you skip that part and just start screwing just because lust took over and now it's to late to turn back and the two of you are playing the blame game. Yeah these types always end up blaming one another when the real blame goes back to your morals on how to be friends to one another and wait on all the other things if the courtship transitioned into a real friendship. Only then you should develop the grounds that creates a solid foundation that could be ever lasting. Most people hook up with even caring about these steps. And when things goes bad the first thing that happens is society assumes it's the man fault.

  6. Rick
    Rick says:

    Most dudes aren't thinking about their daughter(s) when they're out humping someone else's. Real talk tho' i think if we thought more of our own we'd create less drama for others'. Good read.

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