Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your man. Be mindful how you speak to him. You don’t have to walk on egg shells and cater to what you believe is hypersensitivity…You do have to encourage him, support him, inspire him, and speak to the God in him if that’s what you desire to see. All men want to stand tall…all men attempt to stand tall… and most men would love to have a supportive woman beside them while they’re standing tall and being the men they’re meant to be.
Can you be that woman?
By Ilex Bien-Aime
When God created men and women, He had some serious jokes. We were made to be physically compatible and yet our anatomy’s tend to make our sex lives difficult. But sex goes beyond just the physical state, our mental state is just as important. There is always this preverbal tug-of-war between the sexes but true understanding is lacking. Let’s face it, a man will never truly know how it feels to be a woman and a woman will never truly know how it feels to be a man. I think the biggest problem is that we know this fact and yet we tend to do a lot of assuming and less communicating with each other.
For the most part, God made man’s body simple or at least more simple than women’s bodies. Think about it, a healthy man with an adequate amount of testosterone wakes up with an erection everyday. He does not have to think about sex, it’s just a simple human function for him. It does not take a lot to get a man going. If you are looking good in your Victoria Secrets, we are ready to go. If we see you in those jeans that we like that show off your sexy curves, all we can think about is taking them off. Ok let’s be real, if you come in the room wearing a moo moo, we will still want to make love to you. Sure men love visual stimulation and a moo moo may not work for him in the long run, when it comes to sex though, if we want it that won’t matter much.
It takes men a long time to grasp the concept that women are not built the same as we are. Not only are we not built the same, we do not think the same way. Men don’t need all day interaction, hand holding, kissing, and sweet nothings. We could be sitting downstairs watching football all day and when we come upstairs we can be ready to make love on the spot. A woman can be upstairs watching Basketball Wives marathons and she may not need to say two words to us, if she comes downstairs and is ready for sex, we will not turn her away. I will admit, that as a married man, I am starting to understand this concept a lot better. Growing into a man can be made difficult when you have developed bad habits as a younger man. Many men are used to making booty calls but your wife does not want to be treated that way. We don’t do this out of disrespect, we just see the situation from a totally different angle.
Men define intimacy differently than women. A woman may like to be told that she is beautiful and desirable. Men on the other hand like for you to show us that you think we are desirable. Nothing makes a man feel better than when his woman can’t keep her eyes and hands off of him. I know that women think that sex is mostly physical for men but we believe sex is very intimate for us. Often times men feel rejected by their wives because they feel that their wives do not desire them as much as they should. A man does not like feeling that he has to bring sex to the table all of the time. Sure you may never tell him no when he attempts to make love to you, but if you don’t initiate it, he will start to resent that.
Most men won’t say this out loud but it is discouraging to hear women say that they are thinking about other things during sex. I thought that sex was supposed to be enjoyable and some women claim to be thinking about bills, the kids, or whatever else may be on their minds. Let’s be real, sex is on average 3-13 minutes long, so can’t your man have your body and mind for that amount of time. Don’t think that we just walk around the world aimlessly, we have things on our mind also but when you are naked in front of us at that moment, you are all that matters to us. The bills will be there, the kids will be ok, and you can think about every thing else when we are done.
My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By Ayize Ma’at
Recently I was invited to a high school in the Washington D.C. area to speak to a group of 11th grade boys about what is required to make relationships work. To my surprise the majority of the group was engaged and appeared to be fixated on what I as the speaker represented. As I spoke to them, I watched them look at me with curiosity, hope, and comfort as I invited them into a sacred space to explore vulnerability, commitment, fear, and courage in front of their peers. These young men opened up and shared things they’d never considered sharing with their peers. They willingly walked with me along a journey where they learned it’s o.k. to be afraid…it’s o.k. to take risk…..it’s o.k. to let your guards down and be vulnerable……IT’S O.K. TO LOVE.
When I finished speaking….several of the young men came up to me and said thank you. One young man in particular said, “I knew true love was possible….that’s what I’m going to have”.
I asked them how they felt after opening up and taking a risk to enter into a space of transparency.
The overwhelming majority of them said…….”STRONGER”
To schedule a session with therapists’ Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.
By Py Kim Conant
From the earliest days of dating your man through years of marriage to him, it is inherent in his being a man that he constantly risks rejection by you. Early in the relationship you may turn down a date, not want to go to the restaurant or movie he suggests, refuse his good-night kiss (even on the third date, as I foolishly did to the man I later married), not let him come into your home, not want to have sex. Your man has the courage to keep taking the initiative with you, proposing things to you that you might turn down, thereby rejecting him in the process of rejecting his idea or suggestion.
Respect your man’s courage in the lifelong journey of risk-taking that he embarks on with you. It takes balls to be a man. Real nerve. Respect that. Even after you are together, even married, his risk-taking continues. A man’s life always involves a risk of rejection. It’s bad enough that he faces that risk at work (as do you, too, of course), but he also faces it at home, even from you, his woman who loves and respects him.
At work, a man may risk rejection (of an idea, a project, a request, a report, an opinion) that could negatively impact how he feels about himself as a man. However, a man’s greatest psychological vulnerability is not the risk of rejection at work, but the risk of rejection at home, from you, his woman. A man’s ego is most vulnerable when, after you have established a sexual relationship, he tells you that he wants to make love to you. At that point you hold his ego in your hands.
If you refuse his invitation or request for sex, you may think that you refused for some objective reason, such as the late hour, illness, chores that need doing, your own distractedness, not enough time, hunger, the baby’s diaper, not in the mood, or a hundred other reasonable scenarios that preclude lovemaking at that moment. If he were to ask why, you’d say, “Nothing personal; it’s just ___________ (fill in the blank).” You probably wouldn’t see it as a big deal. “We’ll make love later,” you’d probably think, if you thought about it any more at all.
“Wait a minute,” you might think, “I’m tired/it’s late/we have to leave in twenty minutes. That’s why I said no. I’m not rejecting him. I love him and I love his manhood.”
For him, when you refused his (brave, risky) offer to make love, you refused his manhood. Translation: You refused him as a man. He feels bad about himself as a man, refused by his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, rejected by the woman he loves, his manhood rejected by the woman he loves, his manhood refused and rejected. It doesn’t feel good to be constantly rejected.
Valentine’s Day is a magical time of year where we are given the opportunity to share our love with the one who truly gives meaning to our lives.
All over the world, couples are planning on extravagant adventures, romantic excursions, getaways, and unbelievable date nights that will put the spark back into their relationships and leave their partners absolutely breathless.
But there’s a problem for many of us out there..
We’re “romantically challenged”.
We’ve never felt comfortable being romantic. We don’t experience a rush of creative and original ideas when planning out a romantic event, heck, we’re barely able to pick out a decent greeting card at times.
We find these times of year overwhelming, and we sometimes need a bit of help coming up with thoughtful ways that we can express our love for the one person in our lives that we can always count on.
But while we WANT to be romantic, and we know that there are times (like on February 14th!) where we’re EXPECTED to be romantic, it doesn’t always come so naturally.
You’re not alone.
There are thousands of us all over the world who need that extra guidance when planning out a romantic date, and with so much pressure to create the perfect Valentine’s Day, we find ourselves dealing with can intense stress and anxiety.
After all, we can’t all be born natural Casanova’s!
But here’s the thing. You are on this website because you know how important Valentine’s Day is to your partner. You don’t want them feeling left out, neglected or unappreciated.
Your partner does a lot for you, and she (or he) deserves to be treated like the centre of your world, because they are.
So, if you truly want to give them a day they will always remember, and show them that you put your best effort into celebrating the love you share.. We’ve got you covered!
This year, you are going to make it a day they will never forget, because as of right now, you will have more than enough creative and affordable ideas to melt their hearts and leave them breathless!
Even if you are on a shoestring budget, have kids to deal with, or can’t whisk your sweetheart away on a romantic getaway, it doesn’t matter! There are ideas for EVERYONE and EVERY lifestyle FOR ONLY $14.95!
We’re not all born with the romantic gene, and for those people who struggle to come up with creative and unique ideas for a memorable Valentine’s Day, this guide was written JUST for you! Collectively written by both men and women, it includes some of the most thoughtful, creative and inspirational ideas for planning out an incredibly romantic day that they will never forget. If you truly want to show that special someone in your life that they mean the world to you, these simple ideas provide the perfect twist to spicing up your Valentine’s Day. Whether this is your first Valentine’s Day together or your 20th, these ideas are guaranteed to impress your lover! Valentine’s Day is the one day a year set aside for us to show our partner’s how much they truly mean to us. This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t make an effort all year long to celebrate our love for one another, we should, however it’s a day where couples all over the world take a moment to demonstrate their love and devotion to the person who means the most to us. Yet unfortunately, many couples neglect to make the day a memorable one only because they aren’t quite sure what they can do to leave an ever lasting impression. Don’t let that happen to you! Your partner deserves to feel special on Valentine’s Day and with this guide, you will have as many unique and heartfelt ideas for planning a genuinely romantic day, that you will only have one problem: Deciding on which one to go with! Here are just a few ideas that you will discover. How you can give your lover a Valentine’s Day gift that no one else will EVER give them and is GUARANTEED to melt their heart! (and it costs less than $50 to set up) The #1 way to start their Valentine’s Day in an incredibly special way that will instantly put sizzle back into your love life! (and takes only 15 minutes to do) – ( Page 6) One of the most overlooked ideas yet definitely on the Top 10 for “most memorable moments” you’ll ever give your partner! (this one is a MUST if your relationship is new) – ( Page 13) The easiest way to add spark back into your relationship while using Valentine’s Day as an “excuse” to make them fall in love with you all over again (Page 10) One of the most affordable ways to show them that they are the love of your life and it only costs $20 or less! (See page 14) Looking to turn the heat up on your relationship or take things to the next level? Check out my personal favorite idea on Page 18 and prepare to walk on the “wild” side! Do you want to give your partner something that NO ONE else can ever give them without spending a lot of money this year? See page 23 for the perfect gift even for someone who is incredibly hard to shop for! (and it costs less than $30!) Shock them, impress them, and melt their hearts in a way that no one ever has before with the special tip on page 28. (this one will be at the top of their most treasured memories) And Much More! You don’t want to let the day go by with the usual hum-drum. It’s not only heart breaking, but will leave a stinging impression that can ultimately scar your relationship in a very deep way. They don’t deserve to be left out of one of the most celebrated and romantic days of the year. “Will You Be My Valentine: 18 Fool Proof Ways To Feel The Love And Experience The Passion On Valentine’s Day And Beyond” was written just for you. We want to give you as many creative, fun and memorable ideas as possible so that you can plan out the most romantic Valentine’s Day ever, easily FOR ONLY $14.95! buy
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For 19 years I’ve made my wife…my black woman smile. Yes she’s cried, gotten angry, cussed me out, screamed on me and shown all types of levels of “pissedocity” BUT more than anything else SHE HAS SMILED. Fellas I want to help you cut the bullshit and BE A BETTER YOU for you, your mate, and your family.
Click the link below to join me as I help you go to the next level.
To schedule an individual or couples counseling session click the link below:
Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your relationship. Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your man. Many men have stopped investing themselves in their relationship because the feel bullied, beaten, and bruised by their woman. Many men have given up and as a result your relationship is on life support. Check out this video when you get a sec and ask yourself….”Am I speaking life or death into my man?”
By Russell Friedman
In mid-April there are two things you can count on in the United States. One is the due date for filing your tax return. The other is the arrival of the annual brochures or emails reminding you to order those special flowers so they will be shipped on time for Mother’s Day. However, the company that sends the notices doesn’t know that my mother died nearly 19 years ago.
Needless to say, Mother’s Day has been different for me ever since.
I remember the first year after my mom died, when the floral reminder came in the mail. I stood in the den sorting through the mail and couldn’t help noticing the vivacious motherly and grandmotherly pictures in the full-color brochure. Within moments I fetched my handkerchief from my back pocket to dab the tears from my eyes.
I thought about sending a note to the flower company asking them to take me off their mailing list. After all, one less piece of junk mail would be good for the environment. Wouldn’t that make my momma proud? Her son had finally become a solid citizen – the fact that I was 51 years old at that point, notwithstanding.
That first reminder encouraged me to call my dad and my sisters and brother to talk about Mom. So I did, and we did. We talked, we remembered momma, we laughed, we cried. For me, the fond memories mingled with fresh tears in a way that made me feel very connected to my mother, even though I could not see her or touch her in a physical sense. I believe something similar happened for my dad and my siblings in our respective conversations. Openly communicating the range of feelings we had about mom felt so normal and natural and healthy.
Video: “I can’t stand my wife!” “She gets on my god damn nerves”. “She’s always in my ear but don’t never wanna lay on her back” “You ain’t married to me you’re married to our kids”. “Tonight your mouth should be used for one purpose only and it ain’t to talk”. “You seem happier with your girlfriends than you do with me”. “What happened to the way we used to be?”
I have heard all of the aforementioned quotes at one point or another while working with men in their relationships. Truth be told, a couple of these I’ve actually thought or said myself. So I understand the frustration that comes with growing and getting to know your spouse on a deep level. Trust and believe, Aiyana and I have a real relationship that has blossomed to become something very beautiful….but it’s been a process. It’s because of that process and the fruits of our labor that am truly thankful for the connection my Queen and I have.
I wouldn’t take any of it back. Along our journey I had to learn some real lessons. I had to learn some real lessons about life and about love. In this video I will be sharing with you 3 simple steps you can take to get closer to your Queen. I want to help you reduce or completely eliminate your frustration with your relationship and GET YOU MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT from your woman….AND I KNOW THESE 3 TIPS WILL HELP.
CLICK HERE to schedule a RELATIONSHIP COACHING session with Ayize, Aiyana, or both of us together.
CLICK HERE to get our SPEAK LOVE RIGHT: Real Questions. Real Answers. Real Talk on Communication (Audio Program)
CLICK HERE to get our RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT.