How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

By D.P. Haynes

Are you unhappy with your marital situation and searching for how to fix selfishness in your marriage? Well, I’m not sure what particular way selfishness is hurting your marriage but I do know if it’s not dealt with it can quickly ruin a marriage.

The following statement written by James Allen puts selfishness in perspective for me:

“The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; so ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; selfishness by Love.”

Selfishness has the tendency to ignite other problems in your marriage so it’s important to deal with it early on. Some of the fruits of selfishness is bitterness and lack of self control.

You see, couples enter the marriage with different expectations and ideas regarding how their marriage should be. Unfortunately, reality sets in and couples quickly realize that marriage is not as easy as they visualized. One of the hardest things to leave out of the marriage is the idea that your needs are more important than your spouses.

When things aren’t going according to our selfish desires, we can easily become frustrated and bitter. Bitterness is a good ingredient for destroying a marriage. You need to fix selfishness in your marriage before bitterness sets in.

If you don’t learn how to fix selfishness in your marriage before it’s too late it can lead to other destructive behaviors. For example, if a spouse is frustrated and bitter and wants to get his or her way they are more vulnerable to infidelity.

You see, all it takes is for someone to come along and agree with them, take their side and let them know how misunderstood and mistreated he or she is. Before you know it emotionally a connection is made and then you know what can happen next.

How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage

The way you deal with selfishness in your marriage is bring it to light. Although, it’s easy to assume that your spouse knows how selfish he or she is, it’s not always the case.

  • Make a list of the top 5 selfish characteristics that are driving you crazy.
  • Create a similar list of some selfish behaviors you may exhibit from time to time.
  • Schedule some quiet uninterrupted talk time to review the selfishness that you believe is hurting the growth of your marriage.
  • Be prepared for defensiveness or perhaps resentment or anger because selfishness is not easy to receive as constructive criticism.

The key is to make sure your spouse doesn’t feel under attack but rather that you are bringing up the issue because you are truly hurting and want to make things better.

Come up with some suggestions for fixing some of the selfish things you may do from time to time and see if your spouse can do the same.

Selfishness doesn’t have to ruin your marriage and your life. However, It’s definitely a marriage killer if you don’t fix it.

D P Haynes is the author of Saving Your Marriage. Visit him at www.RestoringRelationships.infoto access more information about saving your marriage.

2 replies
  1. Sam
    Sam says:

    How can you help your spouse realize their own selfishness? I want to share more and be closer, but my husband is extremely private.. even with me.

  2. Deborah
    Deborah says:

    It was too late 2 years ago. Right now I feel like we're both watching time pass by. 🙁

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