By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try certain connections are just not meant to be. Breaking up is hard to do, but it’s healthier than staying in an emotionally vacant relationship out of the fear of being single. Here are some tips to get you through the rough times and help you to enjoy this temporary juncture in your journey through life.
- Adjust your attitude. “Single” is not a bad word. Celebrate your new status by changing your focus and doing things for yourself.
- Take a personal inventory. Write down all the great things about being you and then make a list of all the things you want to do.
- Don’t make any major changes. Quitting your job or moving is not going to heal the hurt. Instead, take a vacation to somewhere wonderful.
- Don’t isolate. Spend time with people who think highly of you. Being reminded that you are cared for will help you to rebuild your self-esteem. You will need some solitude, but lonelinessis not your friend.
- Do some rehearsal dating. These aren’t real dates, they’re just practice for getting back into the world. Be up front with the person you’re going out with and let him or her know it’s just for fun.
- Remove reminders. For some, visual memories of the past make it harder to heal. Take down pictures and put your mementos away for awhile. Once you are able to take a deep breath again you can choose to look at the past.
- Remember that rejection is protection. If you are the one who was left, accepting that breaking-up may be the best thing is hard but sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise.
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