Is Your Lover Trustworthy?

By Graham White

Men and women are pretty much the same when it comes to love and sex.

Finding a life partner is difficult enough but then you also have to instill trust into your relationship. This is especially important if you intend to become intimiate with the person. Read on to see the different ways you can indentify a truthworthy lover and how to value yourself and body.

1.  Sex Is A Choice, Not A Gift 
Sex isn’t something you give away to someone else, it’s a decision you make for yourself. It’s not something you provide in exchange for gifts, guarantees or security. Making choices about sex begins with you, not them.

2.  Trust Is Based On Evidence
Naïveté & gullibility are results of inexperience or ignoring intuition and result in extending trust where evidence is lacking or questions remain. What someone says, even how they make you feel aren’t what trust is built on. It’s the degree to which you know them and how consistently their actions match their words. Explanations and excuses in any part of life are a sign of incongruence in all parts of life.

3. ‘Exclusivity’ is a Decision Not A Right 
Exclusivity is a decision made for one’s self, not a conditional demand that can be placed on another. Both individuals must make this decision of their own free will, not pressured by the other to come to the same terms at the same time.

Any decision made under durress is worth little and therefor the reality is that this is the most challenging of all relationship decisions as there is no guarantee that exclusivity will be offered in return or way to control whether they are being truthful.


4.  Choosing To Wait Before Intimacy Is A Personal One
Waitng to have sex or abstinance is not a tool to control the behavior or choices of another and no one has the right to demand abstinence or exclusivity of another. These are gifts that can only be given, not laws or constraints applied as a condition. This is true regardless of the nature or length of the relationship, they are daily choices of commitment, not irreversible milestones. The idea that someone owes us sexual availability, exclusivity or mutual abstinence is about control and an inability to manage the risks of intimacy.

5.  A Person’s Worth Is Not Determined By How Long They Wait For Sex
The value of an individual is determined by the consistency of their behavior when observed under stress particularly when demonstrates towards those who can do nothing for them.

6.  Exclusivity Is Not A Right
Exclusivity is a choice that results due to an ongoing unique benefit of partnership. For our grandparents generation this was linked to mutually beneficial survival and child rearing, today the standard is much higher as both of these are fairly achievable single.

Partnership and exclusivity today are based on the ability of two people to connect on many more levels and a much greater depth than ever before. Those who partner out of need for support or who require completion do so on a faulty foundation when one or the other matures and requires the  same new level of depth to feel a connection. High value individuals have multiple options. It would be naive to assume that because you choose not to be intimate with them at any point or for any reason that they don’t have other options.

CLICK HERE to read more.