It’s About More Than “Just Sex” To Your Husband

By Kristin Alexander

In the marriage relationship, as in life, it should be obvious that men and women are very different in how they communicate. To rekindle a marriage, it is usually the woman who feels motivated and is willing to step out on a limb and shake things up. No need to complain about it, that’s just how it is.

We all know that a healthy marriage includes sex, and if your man has his way, that means lots of sex! If women really understood their men, they would see that although sex is very important to men physically, it is also important to them for other reasons as well. It is their main way of bonding with the person they love, both physically and emotionally, because verbal communication is so difficult for most men. So to fix relationship problems, sex is an important place to start. One thing to get very clear about is that when a man forms an intense trusting sexual bond with a woman he becomes emotionally dependent on her. Even though he won’t say it, this means the world to him. To use it against him out of anger or frustration can only severely damage your relationship.

I know what you’re thinking…”I do EVERYTHING! I take care of the kids, the house, the bills, the cooking and THEN he wants to have sex!” I get it. It’s overwhelming. But there is a way to change it and have your needs met as well, and it’s not as hard as you think…Just a shift in perception can change everything in a marriage…everything. Looking at your husband and his actions from a different perspective can show you things you may have never noticed. Nagging, crying, fighting doesn’t work, why not try something that absolutely does? Creating a happier marriage or possibly even saving it is worth it!

We somehow lost site of how different men and women really are by trying so hard to make everyone “equal”. Well, we are equal, but we also respond to everything differently and the real magic happens when we accept and respect that about each other. Yes, men are simple creatures but that doesn’t make them lesser, just different. This fact makes it an easy thing to restart your marriage. You just have to be willing!

Women who will put aside their hurt feelings and justifications about what is wrong with their men and instead seek to develop a strong bond with their husbands, by understanding how they think, will find they have happier more fulfilling marriages than they could have ever dreamed possible. Approval and understanding are magic when it comes to relationships! Don’t wait for him to do it! Take charge and he will become so emotionally connected to you that he will do everything and anything in his power to keep you happy. Because we all know “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

Kristin Alexander is a wife, mother, writer and works in marketing. Visit to learn more about how to bring love and passion back to your marriage. “What Husbands Can’t Resist” is an innovative blueprint to creating a wonderfully happy marriage and partnership for both husband and wife.

5 replies
  1. Andrea
    Andrea says:

    I think that is not fair, because it put all the responsibility in the female. What about them? They also needs to put all their effort in the marriage. For example, my husband is acting very rude, and I'm suppose to have sex just to make him happy???? If I'm not happy I'm not having sex!!!!

  2. Briana @ 20&Engaged
    Briana @ 20&Engaged says:

    I applaud where this article was going, but I feel like it didn't get there. I hear so many people say "you shouldn't withhold sex from your husband, it's dangerous to your relationship" but honestly, there has to be a compromise. You shouldn't just have sex just because it's a way for your husband to connect. He should learn to connect with you in ways that you love and appreciate. Sex is so much more than physical act, and if you're not on the same page mentally and emotionally, it's just not going down, period point blank. And I don't think it should be done despite you not feeling it, because you're not going to feel better afterwards. Should sex be used as leverage? Not necessarily, but it also shouldn't be treated as a reward for one if it feels like a chore for the other. There just has to be a compromise.
    My recent post Marriage Monday: We Did It

  3. Jamila
    Jamila says:

    I also feel that… I do understand that sex is a way for men to become emotional for their women, however a good conversation can go along way as well… Then can you help with the not missing him sexually? How do you deal with that part?

  4. Danielle
    Danielle says:

    I agree, something’s gotta give. I enjoyed reading this but I cannot take anything away from it. Please share some concrete things that I can work on tonight AFTER sex because after that is over what’s next?

  5. aradjani
    aradjani says:

    I know what you’re thinking…”I do EVERYTHING! I take care of the kids, the house, the bills, the cooking and THEN he wants to have sex!” I get it. It’s overwhelming. But there is a way to change it and have your needs met as well, and it’s not as hard as you think…

    Care to elaborate?

    I mean, unless he's going to take on the same responsibilities to make it easier for her to be receptive, then it isn't fair to put all of the burden on the female and then expect her to be energetic enough to want sex. So please…I'm all ears.

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