Life For Rent: Confessions Of A Mistress

By Ruth Purple

The mistress, you can’t hate her enough. If you can skin and burn her alive, you know you would. You can’t help but be overwhelmed with anger.

But stop, pause and ask yourself- is all that hatred and anger worth it? “When a wife gets into all kinds of trouble to get even, she is only acknowledging the mistress’ role. The mistress feels recognized, accepted. It’s kind of twisted when you think about it, but a mistress feels fulfilled in some way when a wife confronts her. The moment you face her, she feels triumphant…” says a Sandra, a former mistress. “Never exhaust your energy on the mistress you are only wasting it…” she continues.

Sandra tells all…

“I was a mistress for three years, until I got really hurt.

At first, I was in it for the fun and excitement. I was really attracted to him. I knew he was married for 10 years, but he said it was shaky and he was not happy anymore. During that time I really felt sorry for him for being trapped in a lousy marriage. When we were together I can see that he was having a time of his life. As time went by he told me that his wife was starting to suspect and that we should lay low for a while. We saw each other under his terms… only when ‘it’s safe.’ Believe me, it was really frustrating.

I felt used. This is just one of the thousands of disappointment I had to endure.

When you are a mistress you:

• Can’t go out on public with him.

• Can’t be with him during holidays.

• Can’t help feeling jealous when he dates his wife.

• Have to get used to broken promises.

• Can’t help feeling used when he leaves you and go home to his wife.

• Can get tired of the sneaking and fear of getting caught.

• Can’t totally trust him.

• You can’t call on him but he can call on you anytime he wants.

• You are the first one to go when finances are tight.

Somehow I learned to cope with this. But what really broke me into pieces was when he sent me a text message telling me that his wife knew. ‘I can’t see you anymore. I’m really, really sorry. My wife is going to file for divorce when we continue to see each other. I can’t afford that to happen. I am really sorry. Goodbye. Please don’t reply.’ This was his exact mobile message.

I was so pissed off that I called his house asked for his wife and spilled everything about the affair. But I was stunned and shut to silence when the wife laughed and answered. ‘I’m sorry, dear. I have a husband and children to take care of. Have a nice day …’ she put the phone down and never heard from them again. I never felt disgusted in my whole life.

If you are attracted to a married man- forget about it! If you are planning to have an affair- don’t! If you are in an affair- get out now! You will always be disposable. Value your life- find a good man. Never allow yourself to get used. If you are in an affair now, don’t think that your relationship is anything special, because in the end you still end up alone… and relationships are not supposed to be that way.”

Ruth Purple is a Relationship Expert who has been successfully coaching individuals and couples in their relationships. Get A Copy of her sensational ebook on Winning Over Infidelity. Experience a Happier Love Life.  You can read more from Ruth at

61 replies
  1. read ut
    read ut says:

    A letter to his wife
    from the Mistress
    #1) I got your text today….I was so amused at the questions you asked???
    How Could i sleep with a married man???
    Do you really think i awoke one morning and said today I will ruin a marriage?
    Because if you did your dumber then your husband said you were…Does your ignorance allow you to think I approached him
    for the record I approach no man and never have.
    #2) You asked…How could I disrespect your wedding Vows?
    Ummm For the record I wasn't the one saying them with you….
    I wasn't the one professing my love for you in front of 100 guest, family and friends
    I believe this question is for the man who broke those vows not me. Let's be honest
    What do i care about YOUR vows
    #3) You asked how could I live with myself for wrecking your happy home?
    Now this will be my pleasure to respond too…Do u think i was the only one?
    Do you think I am the first? If you do… don't read any further then this…If you want the truth
    continue reading…When he took me out to dinner the waiter knew his name…
    When the flowers were delivered to my job the delivery guy said he always sends the prettiest ones
    When we went to the hotel his secret CC was on file. So much for your happy home
    #4) You questioned how do i live with myself??? Where is my self respect? Now hold on to your seat belt your about to get an earful….How do u do it? How do u look in the mirror every morning comb your hair and brush your teeth and care for his children? cook him his breakfast possibly even pack him his lunch,,,When you know in heart he is loving someone else…How do you function in life selling yourself short? why do u stay??????? For the kids???? That's a lie…You stay because you feel so inadequate to leave!!!! OMG!!!! begin again Ohhh Geez might have to get a job….O NOOOO for the love of God I might have to like me again. Where is YOUR self respect how can lay next to man who desired the flesh of another women…How do u lay next to man who told another i love u…How do look in your child's eye and let them see you settled as second best????(THAT'S RIGHT YOUR SECOND BEST BECAUSE IF YOU WERE HIS ONE LOVE HE WOULDN'T HAVE SEEKED ANOTHER) Where is YOUR self respect??? Don't blame me cause you kept him…THAT WAS YOUR CHOICE…He thought you respected your self more and was hoping you were going to be the one to walk away but instead you stayed. Now take what you get and don't judge me…Look at the man you kept.

    • Kim
      Kim says:

      You are just as much the blame if you knew that he was married. However, the wife has made a choice to stay with him not necessarily because she is inadequate to leave because he is the man that she loves. She could have left and still could if she wanted to. He should take most of the blame since he decided to go outside his marriage. I hope that you have learned from being a mistress can be a risky occupation. Do your self a favor and seek another occupation.

  2. sutoposeo
    sutoposeo says:

    This is a wonderful article, Given so much info in it, These type of articles keeps the users interest in the website, and keep on sharing more … good luck

  3. TheMrs
    TheMrs says:

    I recently took the blinders off and found out that my husband has been cheating. At this point I don't know how long and anything about the mistress and frankly I haven't really thought much about her. I'm sure he is lying to her just as much he has been lying to me. I actually feel sorry for her because after 20 years, I know what she has to look forward to when she gets more that than the fun and exciting part of him that I take care of on a daily basis, paying bills, supporting our children, tuition, illness, supporting his expensive habits, she'll soon miss me even more than he will. They deserve one another. He's been lying to me and hiding it from me so surely he was trying to keep me around for some strange reason. The children are grown and gone and so there isn't much to hold on to for me anymore. Thanks again for the article at this time when I needed it most.

    • Emily
      Emily says:

      Hi, I am so sorry that u are going through this. I know exactly where u are coming from because I went through the same thing not too long ago. Honestly, woman to woman, I would have ran for the hills if I didn't have young children. You do not deserve to be disrespected by someone who took a vow to love, protect, and do everything that he is supposed to do as a respectable man. Wrap a bow around him and hand him over. Travel and live life to the fullest! God bless!

  4. JustTrena
    JustTrena says:

    Truth is, the sideline piece may in fact get the cheating husband but it won’t be because he left his wife; it’ll most likely be because the wife left him. And in the end, the mistress will only be getting what she’s been messing around with, a man who cheats. The relationship will be one of mistrust and insecurity because, hey, he’s a cheater, right? Lucky girl, huh? Yeah, some mistresses will act like she’s happy with the arrangement but any woman saying she’d rather be second (or third) priority, is a fool and is only fooling herself. Even you deserve better.

  5. sowillia
    sowillia says:

    I have just ended my 2.5 year relationship with a married man. At first I didn't know he was married. Then found out that 7 months prior to us dating his wife was incarcerated. He's raising his 4 grandkids. Two of the grandkids don't live w/their mother and the youngest 2 their mother is incarcerated. I've been helping him care for his youngest grandchild since she was 16 weeks old. She is now 2. His wife is now out and she claims that they are sleeping in separate rooms and that he hopes she moves out. A few people that we both know have indicated that the wife was making over 200,000 a year running a home daycare in which she was licensed to care for only 14. A child died in her care as she had 24 kids. When she turned herself in, the house foreclosed, the luxury cars were repossessed and he managed to move into a place that he can afford. I have helped him in many ways and said that now that his wife is out to give him 6 months. The two younger children's mother will be getting out at the end of the year. Since he has fully custody of this kids, I managed to let him pacify me. I have pretty much told him that I am done. I don't trust him, and make it perfectly clear that I was not going to help him since his wife is home. She will never be able to care for daycare children and does work at some restaurant. But, he still wears the ring. To me that means he has not intentions of leaving her. She did tell him that she had several thousand dollars stashed away, but if the was the case, as a woman why would you tell your husband that you have so much money that he doesn't know when your husband is struggling, pawing his rolex and diamond ring to make ends meet? If she does have the money, that's her business and its clear she is making sure he doesn't get any. She doesn't know about me, but his children and older grandchildren do as well as his brothers. He seemed so sincere but now I have finally realized he's full of crap! Worst thing is not leaving him, but leaving the baby that I cared for. She calls me mommy because I am the only woman and mother she knows. My heart is broken. I feel like I lost a child.

  6. Kris
    Kris says:

    I want to reply to this:

    Ladies, God will never send you a man that is someone else's husband. You can marry the man you're in an affair with and all you did was legalize the adultery.

    When a person marries (in the right context) you are in a COVENANT with God. If you are apart of breaking that covenant then you are sin and God sees you as no more than a Philistine. Remember Goliath? He was an uncircumcised Philistine. He wanted to defeat David and he thought he had all rights to because he was bigger, he seemed to have the upper hand, he seemed to be the logical choice, he looked like because of his position He was chosen, but GOD.. David saw that Goliath could not take what he wanted because he was not ordained by God to do so. That's why he was able to defeat Goliath. That's why he was able to defeat him with only a sling and a stone. God had given him the authority to do so and David knew his inheritance in Christ.

    My husband was in adultery 2 years ago. I claimed victory in Jesus' name knowing that the other woman was no more than an uncircumcised Philistine. I prayed daily for my husband's eyes to be open to the truth and the deception. The other woman even used witchcraft to try and turn my husband's heart from me to her.

    She thought she had him in the bag, especially when he moved out. That only made me turn up the prayers even more.

    Sin is sin. God wants to eradicate sin. We all are in SIN because we all fall short of the Lord. I may not have been in adultery but I was also a sinner. Every day we sin in word deed or action and contrary to what the world believes, God doesn't RANK SIN. I stood in the gap for my husband, for our family, for our covenant and for generations to come.

    I had lived by WORLDLY standards before this. In fact when I found out my husband was in adultery I immediately asked him for a divorce (just what the other woman was hoping I bet) but God got ahold of me and showed me THE RIGHT way to live, by BIBLICAL standards. Not worldly standards where people move from marriage to marriage to marriage and taking a hardened heart, bitterness and resentment with them the rest of their lives.

    My husband was home 3m later after he moved out. The rug was pulled out from under the other woman's legs, she didn't know what hit her. She thought she was going to have my husband, my life, kids with my husband. He came to his senses like Paul did in the Bible when God turned him from Saul and removed the scales from His eyes. He came home saying "that was the biggest mistake of my life, my biggest regret."

    There is a spirit of COVETOUSNESS abound in the world today. People who want to take things that do not belong to them. God says DO NOT COVET.

    God will judge the wicked the those that seek wicked paths. I do not hate the other person, I have forgiven her as well as my husband. Our marriage today is better than it was before the adultery because what God allows is for a purpose. Now I have a marriage ministry I manage for God's glory and I assist other women who are healing from the blow of adultery. Restoring our marriage was not easy. There were a lot of tears on our parts but God turns tears to joy and we are proclaiming HIS JOY in a restored marriage every day!

    What the enemy thought would wipe us out and take out our family and destroy our children, God used for the advancing of His kingdom.

    God is good. What he allowed brought my marriage back together for His glory. I want every man and woman to know if your husband or wife is in adultery STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR YOUR COVENANT! No other man or woman can go to God in prayer for Him to move on their behalf because they do not have claim to the promises of God in this area. Pray for them to find the man or woman that God has for them.

    God bless.

    • elle
      elle says:

      Oh, yes god will. God surely will. One could be in the wrong relationship. God will put dat behind in the right one. I had my first husband taking from me by another woman. As a matter of fact I had prayed for that man to find true love cause I wasn't the one for him. They been together for about 16 years now.

      One could be being punished. God could have given you someone. You could have proved not worthy of it or something you didn't honor. Whatever god will take that from you that he gave to you.

      One could have life interrupted for god to use him/her in another way.

      You talking bout what man should be doing,

      God's ways are not our ways, god's thoughts are not our thoughts……..

      And I repeat, God will send you somebody's husband. Get yoself togetha cause all men don't cheat.

    • Overcomer
      Overcomer says:


      I want to say that I read your response and it really blessed me. I am in the process of healing from adultery in my marriage. Like you, I was leaning to my own understanding before. This has been one of the hardest things I have had to overcome and there are days when I feel like giving up. I know that I have the victory in Jesus' name. Your post has given me strength and encouragement today. May God bless you, God definitely means for you to minister in this area.

    • Mrs. Tee
      Mrs. Tee says:

      Kris, you may want to check your husband spirit, it seems he may have a demonic spirit on him that makes him dump his wife and leave her for another women and engage in a adulterous relationship. So you might want to pray that man and his spirit right out of your house. Also, you can't temp someone who doesn't want to be tempted. Have you ever thought that he probably seeked that woman out instead of her seeking him out, or is that a way of making yourself feel better about yourself. Reality Check !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      and this is coming from a married woman who has been down this road!!!

  7. Callie
    Callie says:

    The wife "listened" to the entire story before she said, "Have a nice day". It means she was gathering all the evidence because she WANTED to hear and know every sorted detail. Believe me, there was no peace in that household for a while. But, why do we feel the wife was triumphant? The husband only ended the affair because he was caught. Believe me, there will be another.

  8. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    Don't forget the piece of trash husband who is stupid enough to have sex with someone other than his wife.

  9. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    It's amazing how stupid married women are! You are actually defending a piece of garbage husband who would cheat on you and then dismiss the mistress as nothing. “AS A MARRIED WOMAN AND A MOTHER”, I find it appalling how insecure married women are. Common sense should tell you to be calm and talk to the other women. As my mother would always tell me, you get more bees with honey than with vinegar. Also, the women he pursues should never be blamed for his lack of respect for you. I wish you stupid "MARRIED" women would wake up and smell the coffee; he cheated on you which equals he doesn't love you. So don't take your anger out on the other women while you are still spreading you legs for him. The end ………….

    • Emily
      Emily says:

      This is what it boils down to, how serious do you take your marriage vows? Me being a married woman who was cheated on and not at all dismissing what my husband has done to me and our family have to consider several things. #1 – Being a married woman I am not "stupid" if I decide to stay with my husband. I am not going to go on a podium and "stand by my man". I have a family and everything must be taken into consideration even if he did not think along those lines. That is why women are the smarter. Being a Christian woman 1st and foremost I have to keep the stability of my home regardless of the foolishness that my husband chooses to do. This is for the wellbeing of my children and our lifestyle.

      • Emily
        Emily says:

        #2 This has nothing to do with insecurity my dear, it has to do with your beliefs or faith (Christian) as a women, a mother and a wife. Then you make your decision based off of that. I am not sure if you are married or were married but after building a family and a stable home takes years and involves children, property, love and friendships, it cannot be easily broken. (Hence why a mistress can be easily dismissed). These are spiritual and blood bonds, biblically speaking. Why should I care about her well being, did anyone consider mine and my children? I think not! This fact alone is the reason why so many women are conflicted when faced with these types of situations.

        • Emily
          Emily says:

          #3 let’s be honest here, the same way you are saying that married women are insecure can be said for the women who is knowingly in a relationship with a married man. Why would she want to share? Are you seriously going to point the finger at only married women in this position who are scrambling to make sense of the madness! Come on! Woman to women are you saying that the wife deserved this if she was doing everything in her power as a faithful wife and mother? A man cheating is on him, not on the wife. The women he is cheating with, what is going through her mind? Does she seriously think that he will leave his wife?! OoooKAY! #4 why would a wife stoop down to the other woman's level and have a conversation with her? What could they possibly talk about we already know the man is a liar and a cheat. Mystery solved! Unless there are factors involved like a child outside the marriage, then she may have no choice. I would also take it that once the wife found out she immediately went to the doctor for health reasons. Oh please! Are you the other woman?

          • Emily
            Emily says:

            #5 because he cheated does not exactly mean he does not love his wife. It means he is weak! Now respect, that you are correct about, but love is much deeper than that. How else would couples who have experienced and survived cheating be a testimony?! If you do not believe in marriage that is on you, but don't advise and insult other women to leave their marriages! Trust me honey, we MADE the coffee so we already know what this is about! Oh and one more thing…if I choose to have sex with my husband that is my God given right regardless of the situation! Emotions are high and that is what it is! This is an adult conversation, this is not for the young minded person who cannot or refuses to see the bigger picture.

            • Mrs. Tee
              Mrs. Tee says:

              I must have really struck a chord with you due to the fact that you are lashing out so viciously at my post. Also, you must not have read my post thoroughly. Yes, I'm a "Married" woman with a small child and I have never played the role of the “other woman”, due to the fact that I have too much respect for myself and I am also a Christian. So with that being said, let me address you in the simplest matter as I possibly can. As women we should learn to stick together. Have you ever heard the old saying together we stand and divided we fall. Well if you have, then you can understand where I’m coming from. If not, you may be one of those women who feel that you need a man in your household to help raise your family and pay half the bills. If so, this conversation is pretty much useless, but, If you’re not, the point I was trying to convey was your husband, my husband, and every other married man who stood before God and took those marriage vows, is, and will always be, the person who is held responsible for their adulterous behavior.

            • Mrs. Tee
              Mrs. Tee says:

              Not only does an affair destroy your family, but your marriage is pretty much a sham from that day on. In the words of Michelle Obama, when asked about if infidelity ever happens between her and Barrack, she stated that we never had anything “meaning in a relationship term” in the first place, which is so true. When will we as women learn to stand on our own two feet and begin to reclaim our families and lean on God and God only for our needs and the needs of our children. If you have a reckless man in your life that is foolish enough to cheat on you, then maybe it’s time for you and others like you to first place the blame at the feet of your spouse and leave the blame there. Although, it takes two to cheat, and yes the other woman may or may not have known about you, it’s nether here or there, or in other terms, it's irrelevant.

            • Mrs. Tee
              Mrs. Tee says:

              Well that is one cup of coffee that I would not like to drink, and thank God for that. Also, to make a marriage work, it takes too willing participants. So therefore, if your husband cheated, which probably futher lets me know
              he pursued the woman, and told her lies about you to get sympathy for himself, so he could have a sexual relationship with her. So trust me, when you look at your husband, you’re looking at an "enemy" of yours and not your partner that you thought you had. Honey run as fast as you can, because he is laughing behind your back ,trust me on that.So I ask, who looks like the fool now, the other woman or you?

        • Mrs. Tee
          Mrs. Tee says:

          Trust me, insecurity has everything to do with it. And, I also know what it takes to build a stable home, matter of fact, I have a very beautiful one. And I also know that you don't need a man in your home to pay bills and raise children. It sounds to me that you don't want to step out on Faith and let God guide you to a man who wil treat you and your children better.

      • Mrs. Tee
        Mrs. Tee says:

        I must have really struck a chord with you due to the fact that you are lashing out so viciously at my post. Also, you must not have read my post thoroughly. Yes, I’m a “Married” woman with a small child and I have never played the role of the “other woman”, due to the fact that I have too much respect for myself and I am also a Christian. So with that being said, let me address you in the simplest matter as I possibly can. As women we should learn to stick together. Have you ever heard the old saying together we stand and divided we fall. Well if you have, then you can understand where I’m coming from. If not, you may be one of those women who feel that you need a man in your household to help raise your family and pay half the bills. If so, this conversation is pretty much useless, but, if you’re not, the point I was trying to convey was your husband, my husband, and every other married man who stood before God and took those marriage vows, is, and will always be, the person who is held responsible for their adulterous behavior. Not only does an affair destroy your family, but your marriage is pretty much a sham from that day on. In the words of Michelle Obama, when asked about if infidelity ever happens between her and Barrack, she stated that we never had anything “meaning in a relationship term” in the first place, which is so true. When will we as women learn to stand on our own two feet and begin to reclaim our families and lean on God and God only for our needs and the needs of our children. If you have a reckless man in your life that is foolish enough to cheat on you, then maybe it’s time for you and others like you to first place the blame at the feet of your spouse and leave the blame there. Although, it takes two to cheat, and yes the other woman may or may not have known about you, it’s nether here or there, or in other terms, it irrelevant. So calling these women names like “maggot” and such makes you look like a complete out of control fool. You husband probably pursued the woman, and told her lies about you to get sympathy for himself, so he could have a sexual relationship with her. So trust me, when you look at your husband, you’re looking at an enemy of yours and not your partner that you thought you had, So you may want to run as quick as you can!!!!!

        • Emily
          Emily says:

          Regarding the reference to “maggot”, if you carefully read my posts, you would have learned that the other woman is currently stalking me, my husband and my children. I consider her to be a despicable person, hence the word maggot. She already had her time with my husband, why harass me and my children after the end of their fling? Both she and my husband will be dealt with appropriately by God because of the choices they made. This is not a laughing matter at all. She is the fool! This situation is my husband’s fault. I have always made that clear!

          Being the perfect person that you are, I pray that your beautiful home stay intact and that you will never be faced with any difficult decisions regarding your faith, marriage and family. I will not respond to anything else that you mentioned in this post because it is not important. My decision has been made about my marriage and my husband. Be Blessed!

        • Emily
          Emily says:

          I do not know about what you may have learned from past relationships but YES, if I choose to marry I do expect that my husband pay bills and raise our children together. It has nothing to do need, marriage is a covenant and everyone has their role and responsibilities. If I can avoid my children from experiencing a broken home, why shouldn’t I do everything in my power to avoid it? I have to answer to God only. I am spiritually sound and do lean heavily on my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I know exactly what the bible says about divorce and I am aware that I have God on my side if I chose to go that route, but at the moment I will not. My husband and I will work through this with God’s grace and blessings! If he wants to leave, he can. I will not stop him and we will then start the divorce process. But he wants to work through this, he has made his peace with God and I will work on the forgiveness and trust stages at my own pace. THAT IS IT! You have not given any encouragement at all from a Christian standpoint.

        • Emily
          Emily says:

          Yes, you definitely struck a chord with me. First off, you started your post off with an insult! Is it because you do not understand the reasoning behind why some married women stay with their cheating spouses? As I mentioned in my previous post there can be hundreds of reasons. You also stated that we should all stick together as women. What women? Just because you are a woman does not mean you have my best interest at heart. Who are you suggesting that I stick together with? A friend I hope. The person I am sticking with is my husband for whatever reasons are decided upon. In regards to my marriage, we decided to work through the infidelity.

          • Emily
            Emily says:

            My apologies for the order of my comments. Hopefully you will be able to undertstand my stand.

            • Mrs. Tee
              Mrs. Tee says:

              Emily, it sounds as if you’re venting anger against the other women without realizing that your husband put you and your children in a “VERY” dangerous situation. Also, I’m betting that your husband told the other woman he loved her and that he was going to leave you, and that’s why this woman is still stalking him, you, and your children. I pray for you and your innocent children in this situation, and hopefully this situation will not turn tragic. Have you thought of filing a restraining order against this woman? If not, I hope that you think about it soon, because the more your husband ignore this woman he victimized with his demonic behavior, the more she is going to look for someone to hurt, and I hope you don’t end up being the target, because she maybe mentally unstable. God Bless you and your children

  10. Emily
    Emily says:

    This is remarkable! How is it that in this day and age people are settling for anything that is not considered marriage! I recently found out that my husband cheated on me earlier this year. He claims that this half-a$$ relationship took place a couple years, but I am no fool and I always had my suspicions and prayed for whatever was going on with him to end. Well, he just ended all ties with this maggot earlier this year because he was afraid that she would reach out to me and expose him. Well she did and she is now stalking me at the moment. There is absolutly no excuse on ANYONE'S end! None whatsoever! There is no excuse for my husband not being a man and facing the difficulties of marriage and there is no excuse why this this maggot should have lowered herself to be with a married man unless this is what she inherited in her family legacy. Some Ho-Males do not know any better! How dear any MAGGOT be upset at a wife because of course as everyone already knows, THE HUSBAND NEVER LEAVES!!! He is married to his wife for a reason MAGGOTS!

    • Jolene
      Jolene says:

      Sounds like my life.. Suspected husband was having affair, he denied. But truth was he was in fall of 2010, ended it January 2011. remained in contact till fall of 2011 for fear she would tell. She continued to send text. Then January of 2013 contacted me and spilled the beans, and is pissed that I wont leave. She had been stalking me for a long time as well as my husband. Now she is pissed I haven't left him. Sent me text that I am a fool. But the point is "she's pissed".. and I still have my life and home.

      • Emily
        Emily says:

        Hi Jolene, I will not lie and tell you that this road has been easy for me. IT HAS NOT! My husband and I are trying to rebulid and it is difficult because he is afraid that if he were to put his all into repairing us, I will reject him. I told him that is the hand that he will have to deal with if and when the times comes. But the Lord is on my side and I am wholeheartedly trying. I am more focused on keeping my promise to God of being a virtuous woman than I am about my husband's concern at the moment because man will let you down. You have to focus on other things to help you escape the madness and the constant reminders of the betrayal and total disrespect. I chose to focus on my faith and relationship with God, my children, my career, my home, my health and then my husband. It changes from time to time to be honest but mostly in that order because when the devil comes to attack it is to destroy everything that is important to you. My husband is going to have to be patient with me until I get things in the order that I need them to be for our family and that is becauise of the stupid mistakes and choices he made.

  11. Karen
    Karen says:

    To all the women who have affairs with married men, there will be a day when you decide to get married, you will maybe meet some single man that you want to spend your life with. You marry this man, then here comes the other woman who does to you what you did to someone else's marriage. KARMA…. it will happen.

    • patrice
      patrice says:

      So true…..those women need to wake up and stop dreaming!

  12. Butterflygal
    Butterflygal says:

    I have experience some of the grief of being the second woman in a relationship….And sad to say it only end in EXTREME grief!!!!!! I see both sides of the story( The guy saying he's not happy @ home but he's still there) talking to them on their terms……SMDH for 4years I endured that bullshit and Trust I have learned my lesson and if I can't be number 1 then I'm waiting for Mr.Do right…..I wish any woman who is playing second best the BEST of Luck….

  13. marie
    marie says:

    @happy mistress you talk like you are stupid. You must not be to educated. You probably are lowlife to. Why would you settle for less and let a man treat you that way..Its says a lot about your character as to how you would date some one who would hurt his family and children. Don't settle for less…get your own man…how would you like if this was done to your daughter or your mother?

    • Happy Mistress :)
      Happy Mistress :) says:

      I am well educated and happy about my position. You, on the other hand, seem very bitter. Perhaps you should have a conversation with my man's wife about how to cope with a cheating man.

      • Myra
        Myra says:

        When did you decide that this was all life had to offer you? Playing 2nd fiddle. Cause even if u say he treats both of you equally, u are still 2nd fiddle because she has papers and rights! If he gets sick, who will the hospital doctors let in his room? His spouse! When he dies, who will be responsible for the funeral? His spouse. Unless he writes you into his Will, she will get everything, you 0. All because your relationship with him is not legally recognized under the law. You are technically his side ho, however u wld like to frame it. Sry! Chk out my article->
        My recent post Ladies, You Choose

  14. uju
    uju says:

    In my case,i dint plan it.infact I’m strongly against it.but he chased me and kept on chasing me plus he’s my lecturer in sch.although i was attrccted to him also,so it was rili difficult fightin i rili in a tight corner,i want out but dnt want to loose his frdship.its rili difficult.D̶̲̥̅̊ fact is Ʊ will alwys be D̶̲̥̅̊ oda woman. And he can also drop Ʊ @ anytym.

  15. formermistress
    formermistress says:

    I agree with everything this article is saying. However, what I don't like is the assumption that a woman was out and after the person that was married. A lot of times, it is not the woman who initiates the physical relationship, but the man. This was definitely in my case. He initiated everything. Could I have been the adult and say No, you are married? Sure! But the fact is that I was not chasing after him trying to get my claws in him. He wanted me and pursued me. I am only guilty of being weak. I do strongly suggest any woman in this GETS OUT. You can NEVER have anything of substance and he has all of the power. You will be kicked to the curb when things get tight. He will go on trips with his wife but won't even acknowledge you on the street. As a woman, you deserve better than that but it up to you if you want better or you want to be coach class.

    • marie
      marie says:

      but its up to you to say NO if you know he is married. point blank period.

  16. Briana 20andEngaged
    Briana 20andEngaged says:

    As a wife, it's frustrating either way. You're human, so you can be angry at the woman for intentionally going after a married man. However, I would place my anger first and mainly at my husband. I can't feel bad for a mistress, and while I applaud how the wife handled it, I just don't know if I could continue to stay married to someone who had an affair ongoing. I know people stay for the kids, and every couple is different. You can't really say how you'd react until you're in that predicament. I can just pray I'm never in that situation.
    My recent post Dropping the Hint: Tips and Tricks to Getting Your Ideal Engagement Ring

  17. nora
    nora says:

    I just have one question…..are we suppose to feel sorry for her? I’ve been down that road and the other woman wanted to tell me things my husband had said like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I had to let her know I had 11yrs with my husband and unless he wanted to leave, I wasn’t going anywhere. She tried to tell how she felt bad and my question to her was at what point did you feel bad because you knew from the jump he was married. So I asked was she sorry it hapened or sorry they were caught. She turned stalker so I don’t feel sorry for those type of women

  18. Happy Mistress :)
    Happy Mistress :) says:

    Wow, ladies… While I do agree that being "the mistress" may not yield the best public opinion, it has worked out well for me the last 6 years. His wife is well aware, like most wives of cheating men are aware. I have not endured the hardships named above, as he really does work hard to make sure that both households are maintained. He takes care of his responsibilities at both homes, and dates us both frequently. Holidays are practically split between both families.The wife has known about our relationship for at least 4 years and an understanding exists: She enjoys being married, so she's not leaving. He loves us both and he's not leaving either of us. I enjoy him and the benefits of his presence so I'm not leaving. Plus, I don't want him to leave her and would never ask him to. I get what I need and want from him. It's that simple. And really, we are happy. 🙂

    • Brittany
      Brittany says:

      "And really, we are happy." Who is the we you are referring to? I'm willing to bet it doesn't include his wife because his wife don't want you in the picture. She's chosen to tolerate you because she wants her husband.

      • Happy Mistress :)
        Happy Mistress :) says:

        Whether she is "tolerating" him or not, she accepts her husband and the three kids he and I have had since they have been married.

        • Brittany
          Brittany says:

          She's not tolerating him…she's tolerating you. It's her responsibility to accept her husband…and she's accepting you and the children by default. Would you want to live that way if you were his wife????

          • Happy Mistress :)
            Happy Mistress :) says:

            I WOULD NOT ACCEPT THE ARRANGEMENT IF I WERE HIS WIFE WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO LEAVE. She can continue to "tolerate" me as long as he still takes care of me and our kids. What goes on in their house is for them to deal with. He takes care of me and mine- so it's all good in my neighborhood.

            • Yana
              Yana says:

              Y'all that are defending the wife and finding so much fault with the mistress, please for the love of God explain what responsibility the husband has for creating this mess?!? He makes a fool of his wife by creating three kids with the same woman and some of y'all are actually defending her stand by your man stance?!? Wow! No wonder so many men cheat….because so many woman allow it. I do not now nor will I ever have a stand by your man at all cost mentality, been with my husband for 17 years and the negro knows that i have standards. A woman who allows a man to have 3 children with another woman ( the same woman at that!) and does not leave, has no standards. Some women use the fact that they are married as a license to be stupid and as a cover for low self esteem and a lack of self respect. Please stop lying about why you stay, because for the most part it's not because you value your vows so much, but because you are afraid to be alone, period. Not saying I support or encourage the role of a mistress, because I absolutely don't, but at the end of the day your husband and his lies, his disrespect and his bullshit is the bottom line, PERIOD. The other woman has nothing to do with the fact that YOUR husband chooses to disrepect and make a fool out of you. Stop deflecting…..

              • anonie
                anonie says:

                PREACH!!! Wives stay hiding behind their ring, title and certificate when they suffer from the same low self esteem as the mistress.

                • marie
                  marie says:

                  that may a DAM lie. My self-esteem is very very high. I stay because i love my husband and we have built a beautiful marriage in the eyes of God not behind a wall or a motel room. Of course you should blame the husband don't waste your time arguing with someone who think she is doing her self a favor by having someone's husband.

    • Jessica
      Jessica says:

      Not to be all in your business but how and when will you explain this to your kids? You said before that you wouldn;t tolerate the situatuion if you were the wife but you are condoning being the other woman. If one of your children grew up to be in a similar situation what would you say to him/her? I know you have your feelings and what I say isn't going to affect what you have going on but where is the self esteem? On both your and the wife's part? Don't you feel you are worthy of your own man who also takes care of you and yours? Just some things to think about and trust me I'm not judging, just curious. Hope all turns out well for you.

      • Happy Mistress :)
        Happy Mistress :) says:

        We have three children together and he has two with his wife. There is no set timeline for our relationship- but we speak in terms of it not ending. I'm sure one day it will dissolve, but we don't see it in sight anytime soon.

        • Deedee
          Deedee says:

          God sees all, hears all and knows all and your pride in your sin and error can only lead to a very destructive end. Its delayed but not denied. As for the husband, his day is coming. Ive never seen such wicked pride in operating in such a manner in my life but when you do dirt you get dirt, so please dont cry about the day when you find that God rewards you and him for this wicked behaviour. ANd any mentioning of God out of your mouth at this time is pure blasphemy. Enjoy the ride while you can, it will be coming to an end soon and the life you think you have is going to take a downward time such as youve never seen. EMbrace the wickness for as long as you can, and then prepare for Gods judgement for your blatant disregard for what is right and just in his eyes.

  19. mrssays
    mrssays says:

    I'm team wife all the way. This was the best tell-off I've heard in a minute. "…I have a husband and children to take care of. Have a nice day". Not even acknowledging her relevance was a class act. It goes without saying but he was a fool to cheat on a woman so razor sharp.
    My recent post Kids and Social Media: Getcha Kids!

  20. HisMrs.
    HisMrs. says:

    Any woman who knowing carries on with someone’s husband deserves all the disappointment, sadness, and shame she gets. He is disrespectful of course but a mistress should be cut slack because her “wet hole” allowed her to be aparty to invading on the sacredness of what is supposed to be marriage. A husband vows not only to his wife but his God so he will have to deal with more than a potential divorce. I applaud hid wife for treating her like second trash after she called to inflict pain on her. She invaded her space, with his welcome but still! As a married woman with a child I understand his wife’s stance! She (the mistress) was nothing when he met her, she was nothing while he had her and she is nothing after being used for her physical goods!

  21. Yana
    Yana says:

    As a married woman I still place the entire responsibility on the person who made the vows aka your husband. Placing the blame on the mistress is simply deflection, and deflecting is always easier to do than looking within at your husband or the state of your marriage.

  22. Myra
    Myra says:

    I think they all should feel ashamed! Shameful! The name of this article should have been, "How To Argue With Your Husband's Mistress" SMH I might respect the other woman before I respect his lyin', cheatin' a**! Not 4 me! No, no! Lol!
    My recent post Ladies, You Choose

  23. 2luvly
    2luvly says:

    I truly believe that women who prey on other women's men are selfish ho's with low self esteem. As you guys said in another post "he's not yours leave him the hell alone". That the truth. Go get your own damn man.

    • marie
      marie says:

      i agree!!

  24. Karen
    Karen says:

    Side pieces are always disposable! I love it!!

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