By Audrey Dawson
I intentionally picked our Featured Future Wife for today because she’s so honest about where she is in her singleness. She’s very aware that there are some things she needs to let God fix before becoming a wife, and makes no excuses about them. Her feature is very honest, real, and encouraging. I’m sure her story will bless you, too.
Name: Angela Oliver
Hometown: Atlanta, Ga
Church:Word of Faith
What do you like to do in your spare time?
I enjoy reading, spending time with my family and close friends, and traveling (would love to do more)
What is your favorite scripture?
My favorite scripture is I Corinthians 13:4-11. I LOVE First and Second Corinthians.
What does the term future wife mean to you?
It means I will be a wife when God thinks I am ready to be a wife. I have accepted it could be two or twenty years down the line.
One of the reasons I wanted to feature you is because of how honest you are about where you are in your singleness. Can you share a little of where you are in your singleness right now?
Well I am single and happy. This is the first time I have been single in about eight or nine years. I am what you call a serial monogamist. My relationships normally happen because I despise dating and the men kind of pressure me to get in a committed relationship. Now I am currently enjoying not having to worry about anyone but me. Are there times I get lonely? Yes, but it is not worth my peace of mind at this point.
What are some things you feel you need to change about yourself before becoming a wife?
Well I can be mean, selfish, controlling, I am not a fan of cooking , I don’t like to be talked to all the time, I also don’t like being touched all the time and I have a bad habit of tuning things out that aren’t important to me. I can be bossy. LOL. I would like to stop cursing and being harsh with my words. I don’t get offended easily so a person can say pretty much anything and it rolls off my back. However everyone is not like me so I have learned/still learning to pause and pray before I speak. The last thing I want to do is disrespect my mate with my tongue. I try to focus on Proverbs 15:1.
This is not something I need to change but it is a huge reason why I am not married: I will say the thing that has affected me the most are the men in my life (father, grandfathers, uncles and friends). These men are awesome. They are God fearing, providers, affectionate, etc. I can go on and on about them. However I would like to focus on my dad for a second (tearing up thinking about him). My father is the best dad in the world. He adores his children and his family. He provides, he loves, he listens, he judges (he is working on it), he is the first man I fell in love with. The bar that he has set is so high that I have not met a man that has a fraction of the qaulities he possess. The potential my mother and stepmother saw in my dad I have not seen in anyone I have dated.
What is something you struggle with the most in your singleness?
One thing that I struggle with is sex. I know full well I should not engage in those activities. However it is much easier when you are single/unattached to abstain. It is also easy when you really don’t like the person you’re with. The difficult part is when you are dating/in a relationship with someone you are interested in.
Next I struggle with growing old alone. I know several elderly women who never married or widowed young. That scares me! I want someone to help me get dressed, lotion me up the way my grandfather does my grandmother.
Most importantly I struggle with will I have children. If you ask any of my friends/family members I am the baby lover. I love kids especially babies. The thought of being childless scares me way more than being single. I had convinced myself that at 35 I would just go and get a baby. Why not? Everyone is doing it. Then one Sunday I was at church and my Bishop preached on Abraham and Sara (Genesis 16). I believe verse 12 states Ishmael would be a wild boar/man. My Bishop explained that when you go against God’s orders and don’t trust him you may get what you want but there will be consequences for disobeying him.
You mentioned in one of your tweets that you had a list of qualities that you wanted in a mate. Why did you throw it away?
LOL I threw the list away because my list was developed based on failed relationships and disappointments. Example: I may break up with a man that was not close to his mother so I may add ‘I want a man that is close to his mother.’ My list included the typical Christian, God fearing, no kids, etc. To be perfectly honest my last boyfriend met the requirements on the list (at least his representative did). In fact I remember being so glad I was able to go down my list checking it off. Well my list back fired and at that point I tossed it because it was not working in my favor. To be honest if he had not changed, I didn’t love him so (as I shrug shoulders) what is the point?
To me not having a list does not mean I will accept whatever comes my way. For me it means I am 100% trusting God to send me what I NEED and WANT because He knows. I also pray that I am able to receive the person because he may not come in the package I would like. I just want to make sure I have no broken pieces when he arrives and if I do I would like God to heal them ASAP.
Another reason I chose to feature you is because even though you have your struggles, you’re not making excuses about them, and through all of that you genuinely want to trust God to bring you and your future husband together. How did you get to that point?
I got to this point after my last two relationships. I also look at some of my friends who got married for the wrong reasons, staying married for the wrong reason, cheating, unhappy etc. So at 31 I rather be single than to be in a bad marriage. Then I see marriages that are working and ALL of those marriages are centered around God. If I have to wait until I am 50 years old I am willing to do that because I want God all over, in and throughout my marriage.
What would you say to a single woman who is where you are now, who wants to make a change in her life?
Pray, watch “No More Sheets”, listen to Jamal Bryant’s “I Had to Date Them”, surround yourself with as many people who are single and happy, read scriptures that focus on love, marriage, etc…Most importantly don’t settle!
Audrey Dawson is the owner of Chronicles of a Future Wife, a Christian-based blog that often does features spotlighting single, Christian women and weddings. She is currently taking a break from her blog and will be contributing fabulous features of beautiful engaged and married couples who are defying the odds and rebuilding our community one commitment at a time.