No Longer Broken: Ready For Love
By Divine Merritt
Little boys will mishandled and break a perfectly good toy (woman), grow tired, bored and leave it (her) laying there in pieces to go find another shiny new toy (woman) and play with it until it (she) is also broken. Emotionally broken women will start a new relationship with this spirit of brokenness unaware that because of the past hurts this relationship is doomed before it has begun. The relationship doesn’t have a fighting chance. It’s a vicious cycle.
It would be fantastic if instead these brothers would evolve and grow into men who learn to fix things that are broken before going on to the next one. Ideally, they’d just learn how not to break things to begin with.
Women play a major part in this atrocity as well. Many times a broken woman will jump right into another relationship for fear of being alone. After a devastating break-up we must allow our broken hearts time to heal, lick our wounds and fully recover before loving again. Why put a band-aid over a sore without cleaning it first? Putting a patch over the dirty wound not only blocks the sun from shining on it, it blocks fresh air from reviving it and it festers under the shadow of the bandage preventing proper healing – complete healing. The bandage smothers the wound, causing it to scab.
Women have to learn to love themselves past hurt and heal properly avoiding bitterness and repeated relationship mistakes caused by baggage and hearts damaged with scabs.
After a tumultuous relationship we must keep in mind that we are valuable – worthy of love and capable, willing to receive it. We must love ourselves enough to make time for us. Get our minds right. Restore joy. Let our hearts heal before allowing another man in.
The recovery may at first seem daunting. We feel as though this is the last heartache that our shriveled little hearts can bear. The end of this relationship means the end of the world as we know it. How will we go on? Who will want to settle for a broken toy?
You can love and be loved again. You have been made whole…God created you a complete being capable of bearing heartache, healing and loving completely. A loving relationship enhances your wholeness like a fabulous bobble compliments a beautiful dress.
What should I do after my heart has been broken?
Expressly take time to appreciate you. Love on yourself. Recognize your God-given talents and abilities, use them to help others; which will also become a source of joy and fulfillment. Concentrate on loving on you like you did loving him. You deserve it! Make quiet time for yourself. Meditate and rehearse affirmations to your spirit daily. Frequent your prayer closet. Dance to your favorite music. Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to accomplish, take them one at a time. Take yourself on dates. Finally, take self-inventory. Could improvements be made on your relationship behaviors? Do you lose yourself when in love? Do you rush in without taking the time to evaluate if this is even the kind of relationship you desire?
Realize that proper recuperation after any trauma allows one time to regain strength, to build fortitude and prepare for the next assignment. If we begin to bring ourselves to relationships with the awareness that we are already whole, we’ll experience a turn around in the breakdown of loving relationships our community as a whole suffers from. There will be less broken women walking around with missing pieces.
Divine Merritt, amateur writer/blogger from Detroit, MI
One thing that I think can't be stressed enough, is learning to be alone. Not only learning but accept being alone. Once we get past the idea of being alone as some type of solitary confinement I think we all (men and women) will learn that the best time to prepare for life in general is when we are alone. How can we give our all to others if we are afraid to explore and realize what our "all" is?
Good overall advice. Taking time to heal and process the lessons and personal growth resulting from a failed relationship is essential for the mental & emotional health of an individual. Oftentimes people tend to be so focused on moving forward thinking that by doing so, they are will get over the past. Not realizing that in order to truly get over the past, one must become introspective and process.
Good write up.
Amen! Thank you!
This was right on time