Anyone who has ever had sex has probably come across 1 or two or maybe even more of the scenarios listed below. Instead of simmering in a pool of embarrassment read the below post from Madamenoire.com and get educated on how to deal with awkward sex situations. You may even have some solutions yourself that you want to offer to the Blam Fam. Feel free to chime in…each one.. teach one.
By Toya Sharee
If only sex could be as seamless as it is in the movies. In the movies bra clasps are unfastened effortlessly, the kids aren’t banging at the door and there’s no wet spot left afterwards that no one wants to lie in. Unfortunately in the real world, sex has its fair share of awkward and mortifying moments that can be scary if you don’t see them coming. Take a look at a few ways to avoid and overcome sex’s little malfunctions.
You and your man are going at it hot and heavy when between your moans and murmurs you hear a familiar sound cut through the passion. No you haven’t just cut the cheese, although it may sound that way. Passing gas and queefing only sound similar because they both involve air escaping from an enclosed space. Queefing occurs when air is forced into the vagina as a result of little or no lubrication. If you’re with a guy who makes a big deal over a little trapped air, he probably has a lot of growing up to do. Otherwise, keep some extra lube handy.
2. Breakthrough Bleeding
Blood is usually never a good sign, especially during sex. Unfortunately, Aunt Flo may just decide to make an appearance in the middle of your sex session. If your period has unexpectedly just started, there’s a good chance that your flow is light and maybe you’ll notice any unwanted spotting before he does. Kindly excuse yourself and head to the bathroom just to investigate exactly what’s going on. Usually simply being honest with your partner is all it takes. Some guys will be a little grossed out, but most men understand that these things happen and a select few might even be happy to run the red light.
If you notice blood that’s not associated with a menstrual cycle, it could mean the rough sex you were just having was borderline brutal. Ask your partner to be a bit more gentle with your fragile femininity. Sex shouldn’t hurt. Repeated pain or bleeding with sexual intercourse is not normal and could be symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection or other medical emergency so it’s important to see your doctor just to rule out any injury or infection.
3. Your head was in his lap, and soon your lunch was too.
It’s no secret that men love a good deep throat, and points to the ladies who push themselves to the limit in order to satisfy their men, but when your gag reflex goes wrong things can get messy. Your gag reflex is triggered when the soft palate in your throat is touched. It’s actually the mechanism that keeps you from choking and can be used to induce vomiting. When some ladies get over-ambitious with their oral it can create a series of chain reactions that once started, cannot be stopped.
My advice: Aim right. If you’re going to throw up, there’s usually very little you can do about it, but aim anywhere but his lap. When the gag reflex is triggered the response can be pretty instantaneous. Know your limits, and don’t push yourself beyond them in an effort to prove yourself. You don’t have to be a sword swallower to give good oral. Your man might be a little pissed, but a little vomit never hurt anybody. Actually, who am I kidding, there’s no recovering after that. Clean up and make it a Netflix night because your mood is pretty much killed.
4. His penis comes out, the condom doesn’t.
There’s a reason why condoms are only about 98% effective. Sometimes the most properly used condom can lose its way, but luckily there are back up plans that can help ease your fears. Rough sex, little lubrication and too much lubrication can all contribute to a rogue rubber. Before we worry about all the possible outcomes of that, let’s focus on finding the condom and removing it, since allowing it to live rent-free in your vagina can lead to infection. Lie flat
on your back with your knees bent (imagine you are about to get a gyno exam) and have your partner help you locate the latex by inserting his fingers and attempting to pull it out. The vagina is not an endless black hole. It is a very elastic organ measuring from 3-4 inches when relaxed to 8-9 inches when aroused. Nevertheless, if a condom does get stuck in there it’s only going to come out one way. If this doesn’t work try squatting and using the same muscles you use to urinate to help push it out. Get comfortable with your vagina and insert your own fingers for additional help. If this doesn’t work, you may need to visit a doctor who has the tools necessary to locate and remove the condom.
If you are already using another method of contraception such as the pill or Depo-Provera, risk of pregnancy may not be a big concern. If not, you can purchase emergency contraception (The “Day-After” pill) from a health center or pharmacy. Emergency contraception is effective up to 120 hours after unprotected intercourse, but it is most effective when it is taken early. Be sure to get tested for sexually transmitted infections as well. The same advice goes for discovering a condom that has broken during intercourse as well.
5. The kids ask, “Mom, why were you yelling Dad’s name last night? I thought he was in the room with you?”
As a sex educator, I believe that the earlier sex education starts, the healthier outlook a person has on human sexuality. Understandably, this is never an easy conversation for most parents, but it does provide an opportunity to explain to children what a healthy sexual relationship is all about. Depending on the ages of the children, this doesn’t have to be an intense conversation about contraception and pregnancy, but you could explain that when people are in love they express that love in a variety of ways. In my opinion telling children that, “Mommy and Daddy were playing a game,” is misleading and confusing and only easier for you than it is for the child. It can be tough to find a balance between answering questions honestly and preserving your children’s childhood, but your children will be better for it in the long run. Next time, wait until the kids are sleep or out the house, or yell into the pillow if you don’t want to be caught like a deer in headlights over next morning’s breakfast.
6. He’s ready, but his penis didn’t get the memo.
Many things can contribute to erectile dysfunction including alcohol intoxication, stress, certain medications, hormonal imbalances and a variety of physical and psychological conditions. The last thing you want to do is add to his frustration by complaining or belittling him since this will only help aggravate the problem. Keep in mind that it also may have very little to do with his attraction to you. Sexual arousal is a complex combination of sexual stimuli, physical reaction and mental state. If your partner is stressed or distracted because of work or other problems, this may affect his ability to perform. There are others ways to satisfy each other besides penetration. Simply talking about what may be on his mind, passionately kissing or cuddling while watching a movie might be way to get his mind of off whatever is distracting him and more on being intimate with you. If his erectile dysfunction is a result of
a chronic medical condition, he may want to seek a medical professional for medication or therapy.
7. You wet the bed, but not on purpose.
Although the waters of female ejaculation still remain mostly uncharted, most medical professionals agree that is very real. Female ejaculatory fluid is a clear liquid released from a gland in females similar to the prostate gland in males. Most doctors agree that all women possess the ability to achieve ejaculation through stimulation of the G-spot. Unfortunately, for most women the G-spot can be tricky to find (you may be able to find it by inserting the fingers inside the vagina and performing a “come here” motion behind the clitoris). Once it’s found, stimulation can be uncomfortable for many women since the feeling of an approaching vaginal orgasm can be similar to the need to urinate.
If you accomplish female ejaculation successfully, keep in mind the amount of fluid may vary from woman to woman. If you are afraid that you’ll mistake urination for female ejaculation, avoid this concern by emptying your bladder prior to sex. Otherwise keep a towel handy, and if at first you don’t succeed, try try again.
8. He came, left and got the t-shirt. You’re still waiting to board the plane.
In a perfect world, you and your partner would cross that finish line together and create fireworks simultaneously. What usually happens though, is that the male partner often leaves his lady in the dust. Biologically it’s easier for a man to achieve orgasm than a female. We women are complicated creatures who achieve orgasms a little more strategically. First things first, you might want the orgasm too much and are psyching yourself out of it in the process. Pleasure is 50% body and 50% mind. If you are looking at sexual satisfaction like the prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box, you’re missing all the great caramel coated popcorn and peanuts in between. Focus on enjoying what’s happening instead of chanting, “C’mon with the cum on,” inside of your head. Relax.
Also communicate and compromise with your partner. Maybe allow him to perform oral sex on you first and bring you to orgasm, and then he gets to have his fun. By having your orgasm first you are already lubricated making it easier for him to penetrate. Also, since you’ve had your fun, you can focus on him getting his. Keep in mind that men aren’t mind readers. If you are allowing him to roam aimlessly on your body without giving him some pointers
about specifically what pleasures you, you are just as much to blame as he is.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee.