By Ilex Bien-Aime
While watching the show Gangland the other day, I saw a group called the Traveling Vice Lords. When certain members were asked about the possibility of them leaving the gang, they refused because of the commitment made. To a law abiding citizen, hearing something like that was quite appalling but it also opened my eyes to the thinking of this world. Many of us have some screwed up priorities when it comes to what we should and should not be committed to. Often times we dedicate ourselves to things that do not matter while distancing ourselves from the things that do.
The institution of marriage is in trouble. It used to be that people would refrain from getting married because they were afraid of settling down, but now I hear people refraining from marriage because they see no true commitment between married people. Everyday someone is filing for divorce and when the smoke clears and all is said and done, the cause of the breakup was a lack of commitment. The documents may say irreconcilable differences or whatever else, but at the end of the day, it was one or both partners refusing to fully invest in something they said that they would cherish for a life time.
I have seen committed people before in all walks of life, but when it comes to marriage I see very little commitment. Seriously, I know people who are committed to sports, their careers, fraternities, sororities, and all kinds of things. They will fight tooth and nail to preserve whatever interests them the most but marriage, the holy institution formed by God Himself, is optional for them to preserve. It’s crazy how people will herald and defend a shield that is man made but will disrespect the sanctity of marriage.
It really makes me sad and angry to see just how crazy our priorities really are. I just don’t know which person is sadder, the man who is dedicated to a gang who is known for killing innocent people or the man who is willing to throw away his marriage because it has not turned out the way he envisioned it. We are more committed to tattooing the name of our spouse on our bodies than actually maintaining the relationship with our spouse. Does this not make you angry?
Maybe it’s just me who has bumped his head. Maybe I see the world in this idealistic way that is supposed to be governed with morals and standards that don’t really exist. When I talk to people about athletes who have not signed a prenuptial agreement,everyone thinks that I am stupid and naive for saying that a marriage should not need such an agreement. Sure I understand the concept but if a marriage has to have a contract behind it, it shows a lack of commitment. Marriage should not have a what if option. Maybe I am dreaming but take me back to where commitment was golden!
Ilex Bien-Aime is an integral part of the BlackLoveAndMarriage.com team. He lives in Washington, DC with his lovely wife. He writes as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. He writes as a man who wants to give his future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly he writes what he writes because his female friends are always asking his opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email firstname.lastname@example.org.