The 7 B’s Of Healthy Relationships

By Talayah G. Stovall

There are certain principles that apply to all types of relationships, whether they are friendships, romances, business associations or family interactions. We all lose focus from time to time and can benefit from being reminded of the core tenets of relationship success. Being attuned to the Seven B’s, can help you make all of your relationships healthier, happier and more productive.

Be Realistic
Know what you want – be honest with yourself about the types of relationships you want to have and the qualities and characteristics of the people you want to play major roles in your life.
Know what is available – be realistic in your expectations. There are no perfect people.
Know where to find it – where you look for people to interact with determines the qualities that you are likely to find in those people. Determine the types of people you are looking to attract into your life and frequent the places where those people are likely to appear.

Be Authentic
Know what you have to offer – be what you seek. If you are looking to interact with people who have certain qualities, be sure that you have developed those qualities in yourself.
Know what others are looking for – people often make the comment, “take me as I am.” It is important to keep in mind that just as you seek certain qualities in those with whom you interact, others have their own standards of what they are seeking. If you develop qualities that are attractive to others, you will have no problem drawing quality people into your life.
Know how to present your “best self” – to have the best you must be your best. Be sure that the person others see reflects the best that you have to offer.

Be Open
Know how to share – communication is vital to healthy relationships. Talk, listen and ask questions. Sharing information is the best way to bond.
Know how much to share – be generous in sharing yourself, but do not overwhelm others with too much information too soon.

Be Tactful
Know when to share – handle your relationships with “kid gloves”, not a wooden mallet. Always be sensitive to how your words and actions will affect another person.
Know what to share – some things are better left unsaid. The truth should always be couched in kindness. Make sure that you have the facts correct.

Be Flexible
Know when to “go with the flow” – even good relationships require compromise. Sometimes it is good to “go along to get along.” There does not have to be perfect agreement or conformity, but a healthy amount of compromise leaves everyone a winner.
Know how to extend yourself – sometimes it is necessary to “go the extra mile” for someone you care about. This might mean opening yourself up to their friends and family, doing a little “something extra” to make that person feel special or just being a supportive shoulder or listening ear when they need it.
Know when to try something new – interacting with others can take us out of our “comfort zones”. Trying something that the other person enjoys might open you up to new and exciting experiences and could be a wonderful opportunity for personal growth as well as the growth of the relationship.

Be Accountable
Know how to be true to your word – always follow through on what you say you will do. If you find it impossible to keep a plan or promise, always let the other person know well in advance. This is the best way to build and maintain trust.
Know how to ensure your integrity – have an accountability partner, establish realistic deadlines and determine non-negotiable boundaries for the relationship.

Be Patient
Know when to wait – often, we want to rush through the preliminaries to get to a desired conclusion. It is important to recognize when a potential relationship is worth the effort to take a step back and wait for things to develop at a pace that will be comfortable for both parties.
Know how to wait – waiting does not mean inactivity. Constantly work on self-improvement and stay engaged in worthwhile activities, while giving others the amount of space they need. Evaluate the feasibility of the relationship – while you are waiting, you can again consider whether the relationship meets your needs. This takes you back to point #1 – Be Realistic.

Thus, we reveal a never-ending loop that keeps us evaluating and improving where we are in our relationships. The “buzz” is, by implementing these steps, you will build quality relationships. Here’s to your relationship health!

Talayah G. Stovall is an author and motivational speaker. Her book, Crossing the Threshold: Opening Your Door to Successful Relationships, and eBook, 150 Important Questions You Should Ask Before You Say “I Do” are available at

1 reply
  1. Relationships
    Relationships says:

    The majority of psychologists we’ve met work ridiculous hours, focusing the majority of their energy and attention on career, get their emotional, psychological (and sometimes even physical) needs met outside the relationship, and thereby neglect their spouse and their children at home. If you are interested in getting your own relationship house in order then you have to ask the hard question here, how can a counselor who needs guidance themselves provide anybody with solid advice on relationships at all? Spend your hard earns dollars in that direction if you want, but don’t be surprised if it isn’t money well spent.
    My recent post Regaining self-esteem after divorce

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