To Snoop Or Not To Snoop?
By Ruth Purple
Snooping is probably one of the biggest mistakes one can make in a relationship. Most of us are guilty of it, although some would rather die than admit it. At one point or another, most people resort to digging through a partner’s personal effects, trying to find proof because of suspicions. Sure, you might unearth a 10 year-old innocent love letter to build your case on, but it won’t be the cause of conflict in your relationship—your snooping will, for sure. The evidence that you found will hardly matter, because the real crime is your snooping, which could harm and even break your partner’s trust.
Is snooping normal? Probably, because most of us are curious about our loved ones. The desire to be absolutely sure that we can really trust the person who holds our heart is normal. If our partner is not being honest or faithful, we worry that we will end up with a broken heart. Often the process of invading a loved one’s privacy is caused by a nagging curiosity and a belief so great that one simply can’t help but snoop. In order to prove that one’s intuitions are correct, he/she might go through a partner’s private papers, desk and private drawers; checking through phone call lists, breaking into his/her email and viewing one’s online activities are also common.
Rummaging through a lover’s personal belongings can automatically flip a mental switch in one’s head, and searching for an artefact that can be used as evidence that the other person has been actually deceptive becomes a goal. If one finds a proof, no matter how innocent, it can still be turned into something major. And, it’s not surprising if you find something you don’t like, because that’s what you have been looking for in the first place. Do you actually think that digging out your partner’s private life will help your relationship? Actually, no. It will only cause harm, and don’t be shocked if your significant other is completely irritated with your snooping.
If you thought that unveiling his/her “sins” would make your lover to break down, beg forgiveness and reaffirm his/her love for you, then you’re in for a shocker. Things rarely usually turn out this way; instead of being more open with you, your partner will only retreat into more isolation. So whose fault is it if you can’t go inside your partner’s emotional doors? There are no locked doors in a healthy and loving relationship. There are no hidden secrets from one another, and no cause for future snooping. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a personal life; it simply means that neither is hiding things nor keeping secrets in purpose.
As a result, trust can flourish up to the point that the other person will have no room for doubts and no desire to snoop. However, one doesn’t need intuition to figure out if a partner is up to something. There are a lot of telltale signs of dishonesty that are easy to spot. If you have reasons that urge you to snoop, discuss them with your partner. Every person deserves the benefit of the doubt anyway.
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years.
Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website http://www.relazine.com.
I think I have to agree with the "posts" on here and not the article itself. While I do understand that the "writer of the article" is trying to convey that one must have trust in one's romantic/marriage relationship, at the same time, many of us (especially us women) have a 6th sense "radar" that just goes off when our man has lied to us/is cheating on us. We just know when he's trying to be unfaithful. Lipstick on the collar, out a little late, acting stranger than usual, and GOD gave us this 6th sense because he knew we were human. Likewise for a man>I've known many women who cheated on their men and their men had a 6th sense about it. I'm sorry, but I really have to disagree with your article because I personally know, if you don't hire a detective to follow your husband around, how would you have ever figured out he was a no good cheat and you needed to leave him and take care of your kids on your own? I just can't agree with allowing a relationship to go to "unhealthy" levels and not let us figure that out for ourselves. Now, having said that too, it's one thing to become suspicious and another thing entirely to be dating Mr. / Ms. Paranoid Schizo who is constantly freaked out about everything all the time and snooping all the time…now that's another story, and you should run from that. But when our 6th sense goes off, we should listen and find out the truth, because the truth is going to hurt you, but it's also going to set you free. Thank you.
I agree with your position on this. One must be able to trust your instincts and at the same time respecting our partners privacy and our right to fedility.
Snooping is really one of the things that a woman, or every man can do…Sometimes, it really helps in a relationship…
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Instead of blaming the snooper….how about we ask why was there something to snoop about in the first place?