Why Pity Parties Don’t Work

By Lana Moline

Sooner or later we all find ourselves in the dumps, pulling the cover over our heads, waiting for the discomfort to pass us by.  Anger, fear, disappointment or misfortune may have ushered us to this point and sometimes we find it difficult to just bounce right back to whatever normalcy means for us.  So for a while, we stew!  We sit in our emotions and blame ourselves, everything and everyone for all of our life’s failures and pronounce that we simply have nothing to contribute to the world, announce the beginning of the pity party and solicit guests to attend.  The problem is, others have seen and know your potential despite what you are feeling, few are comfortable with joining in a self beat down.
Pity parties are never a good idea.  It happens when we give in to momentary feelings of overwhelming emotion caused by any of life’s events.  Complexities such as money woes, relationship or family issues can indeed be extremely devastating and how we respond to those situations matter.  Wisdom dictates that we rise to the occasion seeking whatever means of support necessary.  The same way we encourage a failing or struggling student to get tutoring in a subject, we should seek out assistance from experts or others who have overcome in areas where we find ourselves in temporary disarray.
Although a setback can feel like a long time, in retrospect it really isn’t.  Things happen.  It hurts.  We’re bruised or even injured.  But we heal, grow stronger and move forward.  A pity party will impede that process.  By lingering too long, we introduce other factors that may be irrational or even irrelevant to the issue and even go off course.  In the end, a pity party can hinder growth.  So if you want to lose the weight, get off of the couch and workout.  Don’t get upset each time someone thin passes by.  If you want to start a business then research what it takes to get your business off of the ground.  Strategize your move toward reaching your goal and then get up and do something.
I spoke with Christian Counselor, Kendra Forbes, LPC who offered a few tips on resisting the urge to plan an all out pity party.
  • Take baby steps to getting there.  Everyone knows their limitations are what that they can endure.  Think of a small immediate plan.
  • Have a support system/accountability partner because you can’t do it alone.
  • Examine the source and it’s its negative thought patterns then do positive self talk, meditation or even a mantra.
  • Pray continuously.


Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her atLana Moline Speaks.

4 replies
  1. Elishen
    Elishen says:

    I needed to read this today. I'm feeling down in the dumps right about now.

  2. Rhonda
    Rhonda says:

    I love how you say that a pity party impedes the process of growth. #wisdom

Comments are closed.