By James Walsh
Marriage is a social institution that has been very successful because it has many dimensions that affect a person at various levels, such as legal, social and personal. It is the best way to get close and intimate with another individual and face all the life’s challenges together.
Indeed, it has been proven in research that due to the emotional support provided by the partners to each other, married people tend to live much longer and suffer from less health complications than individuals who have never married. Not all marriages are successful, however.
There may be many reasons for this, such as emotional and physical abuse, alcoholism and substance use, infidelity of the spouse, infertility, lack of financial resources and just plain boredom with each other. Most of these problems that afflict a marriage are irreconcilable and the partners either grin and bear them for the sake of keeping the family intact or they decide to cut their losses and file for divorce.
How Divorce Damages You Emotionally
Divorce, like marriage, has many aspects to it. It is not merely a legal separation of two married individuals. With divorce, the marriage dissolves and ceases to exist, with all its implications. There is a division of marital property – assets, bank deposits – as well as debt such as mortgage and vehicle loan. One of the partners has to evacuate the family home and look for another residence. Single mothers particularly face money problems and are forced to take up a job to meet their lifestyle expenses. The partners find themselves alone again and there is no shoulder they can lean on.
Divorce inflicts considerable emotional damage, especially on sensitive people. Some partners blame themselves for what has happened and go on a long guilt trip. This leads to a chronic depression and they become listless and lose interest in day-to-day happenings. Many start shunning human company and create a wall around themselves, shutting out others. A feeling of rage and having been betrayed is common among many recently divorced couples. Really, for many people life after divorce is never the same again and life takes a turn for the worse.
Why a New Relationship Helps
The big question is how to get out of this rut created by post-divorce trauma. Taking professional help is one solution. A psychiatrist or counsellor is a specially trained individual who can delve deep into your hidden emotions and get to the root of the problem. However, the cheapest and quickest way to come back on tracks is to enter into a new relationship.
This has many benefits. For one, you get back the intimacy and close relationship with an individual that you had before marriage. Now, you can again share your innermost feelings with your partner and look for some crucial emotional support. Your financial problems also end to an extent because you and your partner can pool your resources again. You become less busy as there is a functional division of labour in the house.
The man goes out to earn while the woman stays at home and takes care of kitchen and laundry as well as rearing the kids. Single parenting is really a tough job. It makes upbringing of children lopsided, as they need both the affection and tenderness of the mother and the discipline and guidance of the father. Establishing a new, stable relationship is the biggest favour you can do to your kids.
Finding the Right Person
It is essential for you to find the right person for a long-term relationship. There are many ways to go about it, such as online dating sites. You can also join divorce support groups where recently separated men and women meet and share their experiences. These groups are a great venue for you to find interesting people who are in the same situation as you and coping with the same challenges. Romances can also blossom in office situations where the colleagues closely interact with each other daily.
You should make it a point this time to not repeat the mistakes of your previous relationship. Usually, those relationships last longer where the partners are equals of each other in terms of education, earning capacity and family background and share the same tastes, aspirations and goals in life.
Getting married quickly after divorce to a partner who complements you in every way is a sure-shot solution to coming out of your divorce blues. It is the start of a new chapter in life where the possibilities are endless.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor who has contributed to numerous online publications in the area of marriage and divorce.