Would You Dump A Good Guy Over Bad Sex?
By Nathan Hale Williams
Actress, Meagan Good recently wed studio executive, DeVon Franklin. Nothing noteworthy about an actress getting married, except the fact the newlyweds made it clear that they were waiting until their wedding night to have sex. It’s definitely a changed time because more people thought it was more ludicrous than virtuous. It begs the question whether, in this modern society with evolved notions of relationships between men and women, how important is sex?
The wedding sparked a discussion between one of my best sisterfriends and a brotherfriend regarding the issue of waiting until the wedding night. Surprisingly, my sisterfriend was the most adamant about it not being a good idea to wait. In her, words, “You wouldn’t buy a Mercedes without giving it a test run; sex is too important to a relationship not to know.” On the other hand, my brother-friend found it romantic and refreshingly traditional.
We were then joined by another brotherfriend who thought it was completely preposterous that they’d waited that long to have intercourse. In fact, he didn’t believe them. In his mind, he found it impossible for a man in 2012 not to want to have sex with his fiancée prior to getting married.
At first, I was on the side of giving your intended a test drive or two before saying I do. But, as we talked further, I switched sides. I think Meagan and her new husband might be onto something. I couldn’t help but think of the lyrics of a Mary J. Blige’s “Enough Cryin’”: “Cause the sex was good you had my mind and I let you back in every time…” Sex can be a major distortion in a relationship; both good and bad.
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In my dating days I would have dumped a good guy over bad sex. And kept a bad guy with good sex. In a serious committed relationship you keep him. Sex is something that can get better. But if you are in love can sex be bad? Good sex is a part of the equation when in love. If bad sex is happening you aint in love and have married the wrong person. Love has guarantees and good sex is one of em.
My recent post WHERE IS THE BEST MUSIC COMING FROM?
All the "test driving" is leading to the journey not being taken! Let's get real, people! The ones having sex saying that they're "test driving" are "testing" as many cars as they can, with no intent to marry anyone! It's called serial monogamy.
People with a serious view about marriage should know that sex doesn't start in the bedroom. There are many things that go into making a rich and satisfying sex life (does the person have a zest for life, and enthusiasm about things? do they truly love you and seek to please you in non-sexual ways, are they creative and fun, are they playful and affectionate?) Those things can be "tested", rather than actually parttaking in premarital sexual relations.
I'll tell you what Meagan Good and her new husband didn't have to worry about! HIV/AIDS, herpes, and other sexually transmitted diseases! Their marriage bed will be joyful and undefiled by the legacy strangers left behind! What a blessed way to start a marriage!