Your Perception Is Impacting Your Relationship

By: Linda Cattelan

Why is it that two people watching the same accident have two totally different accounts of what just occurred? They both saw the same accident-yet, they processed two very different versions.

According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the book Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience, we take in 2 million pieces of information per second, yet we can only process 134 bits per second. How then do we determine which 134 bits of information to focus on? We choose those 134 bits of information based on our values, beliefs, attitudes, past experiences, memories and how we process information.

To illustrate this point, let’s have some fun.
• Look around the room you are currently in and notice all the items in the room that are colored white (for some of you this might be easy, for others you may have to really look carefully for “white” items).
• Now, close your eyes and try to remember all the items in the room that were the color “black”. Notice how challenging this task is given that I directed you to look for the colour “white”.
• Now, open your eyes and look around the room and notice just how many “black” colored items you missed when asked to recall them. There are just as many “black” items now that you are noticing them as there was when you were only searching “white” items. The only thing that changed was the focus you were giving to the two different colours.

This is just one example of how differently two people might see their respective worlds.

How do you see the world?
• Are you a glass half full person or are you a glass half empty person?
• What is the first thing you see, hear or feel in any situation?
• Are you looking for and noticing the positive side of things or do you gravitate towards the negatives, the risks and what is wrong with the situation.

Both scenarios are present – the positive and the negative-you, the observer, gets to choose how to interpret the situation.

Oh sure, you have your reasons for seeing things a certain way. We all have baggage we carry around with us that affects how we view the world. To quote Dr. Phil, “how is that working for you?” If it’s working and you are truly happy in every area of your life, great. However, if there is any area of your life that isn’t working, look at how you might change your perception of the situation so that you are experiencing the most positive 134 bits out of the 2 million bits of information available.

Here are 5 steps to help you more positively focus your attention:
1. Ask yourself… What perspective you are currently holding as you evaluate a particular situation.
2. Ask yourself… What other perspectives are possible that you may not have considered to this point.
3. Ask yourself… Which perspective would offer you the best and highest positive potential for an optimal outcome.
4. Holding the best and highest positive potential perspective… What are some actions you could take.
5. Go ahead and take positive action!

Your world is a mirror that reflects back to you what you are seeing, hearing, feeling and sensing. Your perception truly is a projection of what is going on in your inner world. Here’s the good news-you get to choose how you interpret any situation. So choose wisely.

Linda Cattelan is a Professional & Life Coach, Certified Trainer & Master Practitioner of NLP and a Contributing Author of The Power of Women United an inspirational book on networking. If you are interested in learning more about closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in any area of your life, join our mailing list at Receive valuable information on these topics and regular updates about upcoming events and workshops.

1 reply
  1. Reggie
    Reggie says:

    This is an excellent post and very helpful. I'll definitely be using these questions when i find myself disagreeing with my boo

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