By David Steele
Most singles are seeking a committed relationship and date with that goal in mind. Many are not ready for commitment for a variety of reasons, but they don’t want to be alone, and so they date to find a partner anyway. When their dating strategy doesn’t align with their readiness status, these singles unconsciously set themselves up for failure, complicating their lives and those of their dating partners.
Just because you want something doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for it. Many variables can interfere with your readiness for a committed relationship with someone you meet, such as being involved with someone else, going through a divorce, financial trouble, career demands, family obligations, physical health challenges, or mental/emotional health challenges such as addictions, depression, or anxiety disorders.
It would be a tragedy to meet your soul mate and not be ready for them. Getting involved in a relationship before you are ready can create a shaky foundation of unfinished business that eventually brings a relationship crashing down.
To assess your readiness for a committed relationship, rate yourself in each of the following ten areas. Try to be objective and honest with yourself. We recommend asking close friends and family members for their opinions as well.
READINESS REVIEW FOR SINGLES
Rating Scale: Rate each item on a scale from 0 to 10
8-10: This area of my life is strong and would be an asset to my next relationship
5-7: This area needs work, but most likely would not sabotage my next relationship
0-4: This area could interfere with the success of my next relationship
1.I KNOW WHAT I WANT
I have a clear vision for my life and relationship. I can envision my perfect life in rich detail that feels strong, very real, and keeps me motivated.
2.I KNOW MY REQUIREMENTS
I have a written list of at least ten non-negotiable requirements that I use for screening potential partners. I am clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for me.
3.I AM HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL BEING SINGLE
I enjoy my life, my work, my family, my friends, and my own company. I am living the life that I want, and I am not seeking a relationship out of desperation and need.
4.I AM READY AND AVAILABLE FOR COMMITMENT
I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments and lifestyle allow my availability to build a new relationship.
5.I AM SATISFIED WITH MY WORK/CAREER
My work is fulfilling, supports my lifestyle, and does not interfere with my availability for a new relationship.
6.I AM HEALTHY IN MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT
My physical, mental, or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want. I am reasonably happy and feel good.
7.MY FINANCIAL AND LEGAL BUSINESS IS HANDLED
I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
8.MY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS ARE FUNCTIONAL
My relationships with my children, ex, siblings, parents, and extended family do not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
9.I HAVE EFFECTIVE DATING SKILLS
I initiate contact with people I want to meet, and disengage from people who are not a match for me. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries, and balance my heart with my head with potential partners.
10.I HAVE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
I understand relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate difference positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.
RESULTS: Add up your scores to determine your relationship readiness:
80-100: GREEN Light: You are well on your way to the life and relationship you really want
50-79: YELLOW Light: Continue to work on the areas needed and take it slow in relationships
0-49: RED Light: Take a break from seeking a partner, focus on your life and prepare for the relationship that you really want
NOTE: We suggest that ANY area rated 0-4 result in a “Red Light” and that you consider taking a break from seeking a partner until that area is improved.
David Steele, MA, is the founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute and a pioneer in working with singles. He has helped thousands of singles and couples get what they want from relationships. His new book, Conscious Dating; Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World, teaches readers precisely how to get what they want in their own life. To learn more, visit http://www.consciousdating.com David’s conscious dating site