By Shaquan Lopez
It’s been said that women are too nitpicky about their men. That women pick their husbands apart and expect them to hold themselves together. Could it be that almost anything men do is wrong and that there is someone who can do it better? The truth of the matter is, women are not as well put together ourselves.
We have to learn not to be too hard on our husbands. Besides, they are the ones that have to provide and protect us. If we always break our husbands down by our words, they will shut down on us. Some of the women reading this may say, “I don’t do that. I build my husband up all the time. He won’t shut down on me.” Let’s help the women who aren’t quite there yet.
Have you ever asked your husband to take out the trash for days at a time and instead of him taking it out, more trash just began to accumulate? When you became frustrated of him ignoring your request, did you began to tell him how upset you were? Did you also add how lazy and irresponsible he was being, how you were growing sick of cleaning up behind him and how he was only thinking about himself?
If you have answered yes, it’s ok. There is an easy solution to the problem. Are you ready? Ok, here goes. Be quick to love and slow to speak.
Women tend to go off of emotions. The smallest thing can upset us and send us into a rage. There are times when we cannot control what comes out of mouth. If we learn how to control our feelings and our words, we can love our husbands past the meaningless things that causes us to nag at them.
Let’s reverse the role for a quick moment. There are many times when our men want to tell us off and correct us but they don’t. It’s not because they don’t want to hurt our feelings but it’s because they decide that it’s more important for them to love us then pick us apart. Most of our husbands understand that we may have a lot on our plate so there may be a reason why we didn’t cook, fold the laundry, or clean the house. They also know that we are emotional and we would probably cry or argue in response to them being nitpicky about us. Just like us nagging would make them shut down or run the opposite way when they see us coming.
Let’s think, what if our husband came home and dinner wasn’t prepared. Then, all of sudden they starts to complain and say that we aren’t being a good wife, we’re being lazy, and we are not meeting up to their needs. Life can be so much better if we learn how to let the little things that probably won’t turn into a big thing go. Trust me you’re not alone. I had to learn this too. I would always complain when the trash would pile up outside or when my husband left the toilet seat up, or even when he wouldn’t hold me when I sat next to him. These were little things that I was making into a big issue.
I learned how to be quick to love and slow to speak through a stament my husband made. He and I were arguing about the dishes. I was telling him how I would like for him to help me more with the dishes if he knew that I would not be able to get to them after dinner. I also added in some unpleasant words and even bought up things from the past that had nothing to do with the dishes. My husband looked at me and said, “You nag all of the time. You pick me apart and act like I am supposed to listen to you and do what you say. I am not your puppy who you train and discipline. I am your husband!”
I stood there in awe. I didn’t know he felt that way. I never knew I was treating him in such a way. All I could do was apologize and tell him that I would try my best to not nag him anymore. I had to examine myself and say, “What is it that is making me say mean things to my husband.” I knew that I wanted my husband to help me more in the house but there had to be a better approach.
Here is what I did, instead of nagging him about the trash, I took it out if I knew that he would be home late or if I was already cleaning up and had time to spare. Instead of getting upset when he did not hold me, I learned to put his hand around me. Eventually he started taking the initiative in doing what he knew would make me happier and cause less arguments. I learned that it was better to just love him through what ticked me off instead of arguing about it.
We have to learn that if we have a hard working man and he provides for us, protects us, loves us, and spoils us, then its ok to take the trash out once in a while. He may be too tired or may have forgot. Its ok for us to serve our husband a nice warm meal for days at a time because he is working hard and you want to serve him. We also have to understand that men don’t think as deep as we think. They only see the surface of things while we look deeper to see what’s underneath the surface. It’s what separates us.
The most important thing to remember is that our words can hurt our husbands more than a stranger slapping him in the face. Just think of the better days we will have if we give more love and more encouraging words. Besides, life is too short to always argue over trash.
My name is Shaquan Lopez. I am 24 years old. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Charles Lopez, for four years and we have a beautiful three year old son. I was raised in the southern part of Georgia, raised by my mom. I am the youngest of three. We are triplets. Yes, I am a triplet! I aspire to write and capture the attention of young married women like myself to help them succeed in their marriage.