A Message To Black Women…My Name Is Aiyana And I’m A Recovering Aggressoholic

VIDEO: This is a message to Black Women everywhere. But, more than that this is a Declaration for myself and a Call to Black Women everywhere to take a step back, chill out, calm down, and…shut up…Yeah, I said it. Talk less. Listen more. Stop acting as if the world is conspiring against you! Whoaa! Harsh??? Well, I am black. I am a woman. And, I am loving discovering the softer side of me…

21 replies
  1. BlackButterfli
    BlackButterfli says:

    I love this website! You all are helping me to be a better wife to my WONDERFUL husband. I never saw a married couple as a child, I saw a single woman that was headstrong. So I brought that baggage with me to my marriage. Thank you Thank you Thank you!

  2. Estherz Mantle
    Estherz Mantle says:

    Very straight forward, truthful, cutting like a two edged sword yet still spoken in love. I truly appreciate you! Thanks!

  3. Briana @ 20&Engaged
    Briana @ 20&Engaged says:

    I'm recovering too. I was told by several friends that before we became friends I was just extremely intimidating. I've worked on toning it down a lot. I still find myself snapping at hubby every now and then but I work on identifying it and working on it. It's rough out here LOL
    My recent post College Dropout No More

    • Aiyana
      Aiyana says:

      For me I know it comes from unresolved anger that had never been dealt with and, I believe, a subconscious feeling of "You will not GET me, take advantage of me, hurt me, fool me, etc. When you've been deeply hurt in life this way of being can come about as a survival mechanism and as a way of defending your heart from so much pain. Until we deal with the pain, forgive the offenders, and truly let go this flawed personality trait will stick around.
      My recent post You Need To COMPLETELY Commit In Order To COMPLETELY Connect

  4. Jakki
    Jakki says:

    Lol…Shut Up!!! Sometimes that is the only word that will make a person really hear you, or you hear yourself. I've told myself, Girl just shut up, you are talking to much about nothing, ain't nobody scared of you. I have definitely learned to dial it back some digits, listen more and let my man take the lead, he really loved that…I can definitely say once I put my baggage down and allowed the beauty in me to shine through, I have better relationships period, be it a man, my child, sisters, and/or girlfriends; my spirit is at peace~ Thanks for the message Sis~

  5. Dorcas
    Dorcas says:

    Thanks for that video sis!

  6. girlenergy
    girlenergy says:

    I totally AGREE! Embrace your feminine energy ladies and you will be amazed at all the positive results. If you are single and keep attracting men with bad behaviors try this and your whole dating climate will change. If you are married or partnered watch how attentive and affectionate your man will become. Every person you come in contact with will be drawn to you simply because you accept your femininity and wear it with pride instead of bitterness.

  7. Etrina Gatheright Atterberry
    Etrina Gatheright Atterberry says:

    Thanks for posting this Aiyana! Such great advice and said with much wisdom. I look forward to saying I'm not yet where I should be but I'm not where I used to be and I am a Recovering Agressoholic!

  8. Candice
    Candice says:

    Wow. This really hit home!! This week alone, I had two confrontations one with a female security officer at my daughter's school and the other a male New York City cab driver. I am indeed an Aggressoholic. My fiance has mentioned to me that I give off this attitude to where people don't want to be my friend or get to know me because I don't immediately show what kind of person I am. I walk around with this defense wall and I guess I've always felt the need to keep it up. As I type this, I'm realizing I need to make a change so I may soon say I'm a recovering Aggressoholic.

    You guys continue to amaze and inspire me. Thank YOU, Thank YOU, and Thank YOU for your wisdom.

  9. Tamara
    Tamara says:

    Ilove this so enlightening! and I agree it so eay for us sistas to put this wall like we have it all covered. The issue is trust I agree and we must come to terms because then no one will want to be around us with these type of attitudes. I am guilty sometimes myself but not as bad as I used to be I owe it all to my Personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ he has set me free from some of the negative behavior.

  10. Dee
    Dee says:

    Oh Lord!!!! This hit home. I am an Aggressoholic who’s a work in progress (with my hunny, my friends, family and coworker). I’m trying to let go and let God.

  11. PeachiePW
    PeachiePW says:

    Fantastic! Thanks Aiyana for this message. I am not an Aggressoholic. However it is difficult to “police” my own attitude when I come in contact with so many Aggressoholics. – You have encouraged me and reassured me that it is ok to move in a spirit of soft power. Thanks again my sister. Keep pushing!

  12. Aiyana
    Aiyana says:

    I hear you. Trusting again can be very difficult to do especially when our trust has been betrayed. But, contrary to popular belief most of the time “trusting again” is NOT a feeling we will have at some point….we won’t necessarily feel ready to trust again. We have to make a decision to trust and then move forward…basically you fake til’ you make it. That’s how you get your gut to line up with your head….
    .-= Aiyana´s last blog ..A Message To Black Women…My Name Is Aiyana And I’m A Recovering Aggressoholic =-.

  13. Ruby GRIFFIN
    Ruby GRIFFIN says:

    Very good article,I have comment on so many post about black women of very high standard of themselves,that good to be a strong black women…but you must realize,you going to need somebody,or someone to love you,in some time in life…If you fall down on reality,pick yourself back up,if you don’t open your heart to love and trust,then love can’t come in…Stop fighting against yourself,you’re a women,you was creative,to be a companion for a men ,so stop worrying about what has been,and think about what is now….How long black women,are you’ll going to rub your forehead,before you realize life is what you control, maybe love to you has been, a box of promise and let down.but remember,everyday is not going to be a sunnyday,there going to be some cloudy days,so get back into the race of life,now you can really enjoy love,and happiness, cause you have experience,the feeling of heartaches…now slow it down…take your time,for self,to focus on what you want in a relationship,don’t be so quickly in saying i love that men…..if you’re afraid,to take a leap in love,you’re afraid to breath,and if you stop breathing you will die,what is life without love,what is love without death,what is breathing without air,all these thing combine together,so what is a heart that can’t be broken…,

  14. Stacy Australia
    Stacy Australia says:

    I agree that is me. I just deleted my initial post because I had a lot of personal information out there (guess I was venting). It is hard to trust, I am single, educated, with no kids and I got that way BY MYSELF. I just had a boyfriend (ex) this last year of graduate school that I trusted and would have never thought he would do anything to hurt me but I was wrong. It is hard when you fully trust someone and they disappoint you to trust again. I know we must give up our power at some point but it is just easier to be “Superwoman” and do it yourself. I know I am not going to let me down or if I do it is okay-no one to blame but myself.
    .-= Stacy Australia´s last blog ..Two-fer Tuesdays =-.

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