By Aiyana Ma’at Yesterday, while on the way home , I came across the Michael Baisden show on the radio and happened upon an interesting conversation that had a lot of women hot—as in mad. Michael Baisden talked about the fact that women need to compete for a man before they get him and once they have him. When I got home I got on the phone with some single & married sista friends to see what they thought—my idea of a quick little survey. Most of them made comments like this: “Compete? What?! Why? This ain’t no competition!” or “I want to feel as If I’m the only one, as If I’m special—I wouldn’t feel like that If I had to compete for my man.” or “This is my husband. I already got him. Ain’t no need for all that!”
So, I’ll be honest when I first heard the word compete it just rubbed me the wrong way. As women I think we like to focus on the lovey dovey sweet romance of our relationships rather than the nitty gritty, come with your A game, “do what you did to get him even when you got him” part of our relationships. But, if I’m honest a little healthy competition can only help not hurt my marriage. Keeping my game tight and handling my business is a responsibility and a privilege. If men have to compete for women then why do we feel as if it’s beneath us to “compete”? It’s all in how you look at it. For me, personally, it means just a few of the following things:
- Continually work on listening more and talking less.
- Make it a point to express my support of my husband in my words and actions.
- Make sure sex is not some theory in a dusty book on a shelf that never gets opened—give him some regularly.
- Continue to expand my horizons and my mind so I have something to bring to my relationship intellectually.
- Keep it honest with him like no one else can—that means I consider his growth by keeping it real with what I say to him and I consider his feelings with how I say things to him.
- Make sure that I give him space to just be and don’t crowd him out with wanting to have things my way all the time—I’ll admit it—I can be quite self-centered at times.
Again, these are just some of the things that I do to compete for my man. So, sistas, you can get caught up in the word compete and talk about what we shouldn’t have to do or what we ain’t gonna do. But, remember this: What you won’t do—somebody else will.