By Starla Muhammad

Despite challenges facing many Black couples and families during the economic downturn, now is the time to work on strengthening the ties that bind. The foundation of the Black community has always been family regardless of the pitfalls of high unemployment, financial strain and interpersonal conflicts. Cash strapped times can even affect physical and mental health. Instances of child abuse and domestic abuse increased during the recession noted several counseling and health websites.

Spiritual renewal and rejuvenation is a key component to facing and overcoming the obstacles many families are facing today say marriage and family advocates.

“There are several ways that we’ve found that we’ve been able to help couples as it pertains not to just their financial well-being but just the well-being of their families.  One of those ways is strengthening your spiritual foundation,” said Ayize Ma’at who co-founded blackloveandmarriage.com along with his wife Aiyana.  The couple said maintaining a spiritual connection in tough times is like having an anchor.

Whether it means going to a religious or spiritual service, engaging in devotion or evening prayer as a couple and as a family, that connection can help weather the difficult storms, they said.

The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam teaches that a strong home and strong family produces a strong community.

“The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says to us that the solution to our problems is a divine solution. Therefore the problem and the solution in terms of what is the biggest challenge, it’s a spiritual challenge,” said Student Minister Robert Muhammad of Muhammad Mosque No. 45 in Houston, Texas.

The second challenge is one of communication or lack thereof, added Mr. Muhammad, who has been married 31 years, has four sons and serves as the Southwest Regional Minister of the Nation of Islam.

“In order for a family to communicate, survive and prosper, they must be able to communicate, particularly in this information age. Because of technology we are actually less connected in a human kind of way than we were when we didn’t have the technology,” said Mr. Muhammad.

“Texting is so impersonal and everyone having their individual iPod, iPad, individual television, individual telephone, we have a tendency even within our own household not to sit down at the dinner table and discuss the day’s events or to plan tomorrow’s events,” he added.

Mr. Muhammad described communication as a “loop,” meaning there is call and response. He added that the Supreme Wisdom Lessons of the Nation of Islam is a perfect example of this.

“There are questions and those questions are followed by answers. Questions by Master Fard Muhammad, answers by the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad. So we should listen, become great listeners as well as people who can express our thoughts,” he added.

Financial stress and strain has led to a breakdown of marriage and family. Money disputes are one of the leading causes of divorce.

Unemployment rates for Blacks in America are still bleak, adding further stress for men and women wanting and needing to support their families. The overall unemployment rate in May was 8.2 percent but for Blacks it was 13.6 percent, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Financial planners said families must become more disciplined in handling what little they have in terms of finances and stop making unnecessary purchases. Communicating often and effectively about a budget and sticking to it are key, add family and marriage experts.

Identifying what expenses can and should be readjusted or cut is something couples and families must discuss, they point out.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a life and relationship coach and regularly contributes to blackandmarriedwithkids.com, an online marriage and family support site offering suggestions and solution, oriented advice.

“Planning ahead with schedules and bills will ultimately avoid stress in those areas altogether. We, along with our spouse can budget and put a plan into place that will allow us more time in the areas we have previously neglected,” wrote Ms. Cunningham-Sumter in her March 2012 article, “Stress Less, Love More”.

Dr. Alonzo Peters is founder of mochamoney.com, a personal finance and money management website that provides tips on helping Blacks reach financial independence. It is not how much you make, but how much you save that matters, Dr. Peters wrote. Anyone can build wealth regardless of the size of their salary, he added.  The median wealth for Blacks in the U.S. is $4,995 versus $110,729 for Whites according to 2010 Census figures. The widening disparities are blamed on the severe economic downturn. Yet, even with these grim figures, the capacity to save even a little something is attainable.

If a single parent saves $50 per month, at the end of one year, he or she has accumulated $600 and after five years, $3,000. With a budget, individuals and families can track where their money goes and with discipline, can take necessary measures to save or invest.

In his 1965 book, “Message To The Blackman In America,” the Honorable Elijah Muhammad laid out a practical financial blueprint that is just as relevant then as it is today.  “The first step the so-called Negro wage-earners should take is to spend only when necessary and according to their income. They should save as much of their salaries as possible – weekly, biweekly or monthly. We as wage earners should always plan to save something from whatever we are paid. Do not become extravagant spenders like the rich, who own the country and everything in it. It is sheer ignorance for us to try to compete in luxury with the owners,” Mr. Muhammad writes.

Despite hardships, spending time together as a family is a must. “We always encourage couples to have date night,” said Mrs. Ma’at. “We tell people all the time whether it’s weekly, monthly, you have to have date night but maybe you need to think about the date night looking differently, because we can’t always go out, spend money and have dinner and wine and dine,” she said.  Families must be creative in cutting back, said Mrs. Ma’at. “We’ve got to sit on the floor. Maybe we’re going to have PB and J, I don’t know what you’re going to have but we gonna do what we gotta do! Have some spaghetti and we’re going to sit on the floor and put a little picnic blanket out and we’re going to have date night in the house with a dollar movie maybe from the Red Box instead of going to the movies that these days can cost you 50 bucks,” said Mrs. Ma’at.

By Skye Thomas

I will never forget the day that my daughter’s sixth grade friend told me that. We had been discussing someone who had recently lost a fortune and had become very bitter as a result. She suddenly piped up with that all knowing scowl that only a twelve year old girl can truly master while proclaiming, “God don’t like rich people!” She said it as if it was a mortal sin worthy of an eternity in hell. She immediately made a snap decision from that point forward to dislike the person we’d been talking about. I’ve met her dad. He’s a nice enough guy and from what I can tell, he agrees with his daughter. They are very regular attendees at their church. I don’t know what church they go to, but all I could think to myself at the time was, “Who in the world is teaching her that!?”

For my daughter’s sake, I bit my tongue. I wanted so badly to quiz her friend and find out the roots of that belief system. How does one logically come to that conclusion? I was under the impression that God was known to shower you with riches if he liked you. Solomon was extremely rich and God liked him. I thought that God’s opinion of us had more to do with our character, not our bank account. I could even see that how you amassed your fortune could be important in God’s viewpoint. I think about Job and how he was tested to see if money was the reason for his devotion to God. Upon passing the test, didn’t God dump piles of money back into his lap again? And what about the father in the prodigal son story? He had money and God liked him.

Just as ridiculous to me are the people who spin it the other way around, as if God don’t like poor people. They act like they’re closer to God because they have money. Funny thing money, it can buy a lot of things, but I was under the impression that God wasn’t for sale. Rumor has it that some churches and individual clergy can be bought, but not God Himself. Nowhere in the bible did I ever read that you could bypass the rules and just pay an entrance fee to get into heaven’s gates.

I thought that money was a tool sometimes used for testing us. Do we remain spiritual while humbled and poor or do we become bitter and turn our back on God? Do we remain spiritual while spoiled and rich or do we become self righteous and turn our back on God? And what about the way we treat each other? Does the amount of money we have dictate how much love we are to receive from each other? “Congratulations on that job promotion you worked so hard for, buddy! But hey, you’re too rich now, so me and God aren’t going to hang out with you anymore.”

What a silly concept that money would have anything to do with one’s spiritual self-worth. I’m sorry for those children who have been raised to believe that the amount of money they do or do not have dictates whether or not God will like them. Personally, I’ve raised my kids on the idea that you behave yourself as best you can, and I do mean ‘best.’ Heed your spiritual calling. Love one another. Everything else will fall into place as it’s meant to be. Oh, and be thankful for what you have. God don’t like people with bad manners.

Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go towww.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books. 

By Margot Carmichael Lester

“Money is one of the biggest power struggles in a relationship,” asserts Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Financial Infidelity. That’s why experts say it’s important for daters to pay attention to their financial compatibility. “Financial issues are the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship. It is important to understand your differences so you can integrate them to create harmony.”

Do opposites attract?
Each of us falls into one of two categories: spenders and savers. And the old rule about opposites attracting holds true with money, too. “I know that’s true with nearly every client I have, and it’s true of my wife and me,” says New Orleans-based financial planner Jude Boudreaux, who founded Upperline Financial Planning. “It’s challenging at times, but I think we’ve both learned from each other and reached a happier middle ground because of [it].” Adds Weil: “Eventually, couples neutralize each other if they learn how to communicate effectively about finances. You must respect each other’s different spending styles. However, some attitudes are deal-breakers … signs of lifestyles and beliefs that go against your own values.”

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By Todd Bavol

A spell of unemployment, or even just a cut in salary for one or both partners, can put the most unbearable strain on a relationship. In an attempt to come to terms with all the feelings associated with being laid off, the series of disappointments which comes with the subsequent job search and the financial constraint that inevitably follows, it becomes the easiest thing in the world to lash out at your nearest and dearest. Even the simple logistics of being ‘under one another’s feet’ all day can lead to even the closest of couples and families driving one another crazy.

So, what can a couple do to make sure that they get through such fearful and uncertain times?

Don’t play the blame game

This works both ways – neither blame your partner nor yourself. Unemployment or financial insecurity has not come about through the deliberate choice of an irresponsible partner, it has arisen as a consequence of world events. If you ever feel tempted to play the blame game, just stop and think whether either of you would have wished for this situation and then resist the temptation to strike out with hurtful words. At the end of the day, you both still want the same things, but blame will only pull you apart.

Support one another

They say that ‘no man is an island’, and in fact, no man wants to be. Having somebody to believe in you, and whom you believe in, is a basic human need and when times get tough a united front becomes all the more important. Support one another – it is you two against the world.

Communicate

Men in particular are renowned for not talking about their feelings, but at times like this it becomes all the more important to let your partner in and to ask for help. It is so easy to behave distantly when your mind and your heart are full of fear, but unfortunately distance engenders mistrust. Your partner might understand rationally what is causing the new behavior, but when faced with it day in and day out, it becomes all too easy to fill in a different interpretation of events. Keep talking!

Be patient

However hard it might be to see your partner apparently doing nothing more than sit around watching daytime TV and failing to pitch in with the household chores, try to be patient. The feelings associated with losing a job are akin to those of bereavement. Try to be patient and have trust in the fact that when he or she has worked through whatever it is that they need to work through, they will find the strength and courage to get back out there.

Give hugs

If either of you can feel yourself getting stressed or irritable, stop and reach out for a hug. The close physical contact and comfort of a hug helps to make us feel safe and secure and not only does it reduce the feelings of stress, but it also reminds us of what is really important in life.

Switch off from your job search

When you have done what you can for the day, switch off the computer, tidy away your resume and that pile of business cards that you have been wading through and try to relax and spend some quality time with your partner. Spending every waking minute of the day on your job search will not only leave you feeling mentally and physically exhausted and stressed, but will leave your partner feeling pushed out too.

Change your lifestyle/spending habits

Just because there is less money coming into the household does not mean to say that you cannot still enjoy yourselves. They say that the best things in life are free, and this is a good opportunity to reunite yourself with the simple pleasures in life. Cuddling in front of the television, playing a board game, a walk along the beach or through the countryside or park all cost nothing. A simple picnic beside a river can be one of the most romantic activities a couple can enjoy and a night (or an afternoon) of exquisite passion between the sheets will not only bring you closer together but will make you feel like a caveman (or woman), ready to go out there and take on the mammoths of the job market the next day.

Treat yourselves occasionally

Money might be tight, but if possible, try to put a little aside for an occasional treat. A nice meal out somewhere, or even a takeaway meal at home in a candlelit room can work wonders to lift your spirits and give you a feeling of togetherness.

Never forget that when the recession has passed (which it will) and life is looking rosier (which it will), the last thing you want is to be looking back and realizing that you have lost the most important thing of all – your relationship. Be kind to each other!

I am committed to providing people quick access to job search and career information. Over 20 years of experience in the HR and Career Coaching field has given me a vast amount of information and resources to share with you.  You can visit me at http://www.integritycareertransitions.com/blog