Constantly Turn Toward Each Other Rather Than Away

By Dov Heller, MA

When you pass your spouse sitting at her desk doing some work, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give him a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in his ear — or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of “turning toward” as opposed to “turning away.”

Happily married couples have ways to constantly be emotionally close to each other.

Marriage research shows that happily married couples do a lot of turning toward each other whenever they get the chance. They look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other. Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

One big way happy couples turn toward each other is by doing things together that you both enjoy. Taking walks together, drinking coffee together after dinner, learning a new language together, and listening to music together, are all examples of how couples turn toward each other.

Couples who “turn away” from each other don’t develop closeness. So, do a self check and ask yourself are you turning toward your spouse or away with your daily interactions?

No matter what the answer is, when you finish reading this find your boo (even if they’re not with you) and turn toward them by letting them know they were on your mind…

Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University. He also holds a B.A. in philosophy and was ordained a rabbi in Jerusalem in 1982. He is director of the Aish HaTorah Counseling Center in Los Angeles, founder of the Relationship Institute, and runs a private practice specializing in adult psychotherapy, marriage counseling and personal guidance. In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling service via telephone helping people solve their relationship challenges. Visit his website at

2 replies
  1. Tasha
    Tasha says:

    I agree

  2. Carmen
    Carmen says:

    I love this…the exact reminder I needed today.

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