Ever Thought About Renewing Your Vows? Here’s How!
By Nina Callaway
In this world where divorce seems to be the norm, a couple managing to stay together through thick and thin deserves some celebration! If you and your spouse have made it to a significant anniversary, or you just want to have a “do-over” wedding, consider a vow renewal.
Reasons You Might Want a Vow Renewal
-You want to celebrate your 5-year, 10-year, 25-year etc. wedding anniversary
-You only got married legally before, and now want to marry religiously
-You only got married religiously before, and now want to marry legally
Your first wedding had some element of disaster, and you want a do-over
-You didn’t have much money for your first wedding, and you want a more elaborate wedding
-You got married with only a few people present, and you’d like to say wedding vows in front of lots of family and friends
You’ve had some rocky times in your relationship, and would now like to reaffirm your commitment to one another
-You think it would be romantic
A Bad Reason to Have a Vow Renewal Ceremony
-You miss wedding planning and want to throw another party. The focus of any wedding, but especially a vow renewal, should be the promises you are making to each other, and the sacred ritual of marriage, not the party.
How to renew your wedding vows
-The good news is, there are far less rules and dos and don’ts about vow renewal than almost any other kind of ritual. It can be as simple as the two of you alone in a beautiful spot reciting vows you have written, or a fancy affair with hundreds of guests.
First Steps
Just as with any wedding planning, you should begin by figuring out what style of ceremony/reception you’d like, deciding a budget, picking a date and finding a venue. Some couples who are older will have much more money than when they wed the first time; others whose parents helped the first time will have far less. The good news is that vow renewals are generally cheaper than first weddings, and with less rules on what “should” be done, you can really concentrate on the elements that are important to you.
How Elaborate Should a Vow Renewal Be?
The answer to this question lies in your own reason for wanting a vow renewal ceremony. Many people chose to renew their vows because they were so caught up in the planning and the partying of their first wedding, they felt the focus of the day was taken off of the ceremony. Therefore, most vow renewals tend to be intimate celebrations, with only close family and friends present, and a lunch afterwards at a nice restaurant. Others who didn’t have much money for their first wedding have very lavish ceremonies and parties afterwards.
Even if you want a big and expensive celebration, there are still a few things you should avoid:
Don’t have attendants. If you have children, you can give them a special role in the ceremony, but there is no need to designate them as bridesmaids or groomsmen. You may wish to invite your original bridal party and recognize them during the ceremony.
Don’t register for gifts. This is not the time to upgrade the china. Wedding gifts are to help a newly-married couple set up their household together.
Don’t throw bachelor or bachelorette parties. This is an obvious one – you aren’t bachelors or bachelorettes!
Who Should Lead the Vow Renewal?
Since presumably you have already done the legal marriage, this ceremony will not be legally binding. Therefore, you can ask a judge or clergy member to officiate, but you can also ask a friend or an adult child to lead the ceremony. For a simple vow renewal, you don’t necessarily need an officiant at all.
Vow Renewal Invitation Wording
If you are hosting it yourself:
The honor of your presence
is requested at
the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of
Sharon and Martin Jones
Saturday, March 25 etc.
Or
Please join us
as we renew our wedding vows and celebrate 25 years together
Sharon and Martin Jones
Saturday, March 25 etc.
If your children are hosting it:
The children of
Sharon and Martin Jones
Request the honor of your presence
at the vow renewal ceremony of their parents
etc.
Wedding Vows at a Vow Renewal Ceremony
You’ll probably want to say something a little different than first-time brides and grooms would. Many people write their own vows.
At the end of the day these are general guidelines and recommendations. The most important thing is that you and your sweetheart are happy and satisfied!
BLAM Fam: Anyone out there considering a vow renewal ceremony? Has the planning being going as you expected?
Nina Callaway is a writer and event planner who has guided many couples through the complicated yet rewarding process of wedding planning. She’s had the joy of being the weddings guide for About.com since 2003. Follow Nina on Twitter.
I think vows being renewed actually renews what you value in your marriage and that you want to annouce it to your family and whole world again. I was six months pregnant when we got married so I just want to be w/o child the next time(with a big smile on my face)! But I would want it intimate and since we didn't write our own vows before, I would def want that. So maybe in a few years huh??????
Three years ago my husband & I started making plans, we found a great location & set the date for our 10th year vow renewal in June, but 6mths prior to our date my husband started backing out. The renewal was going to be small & intimate with only 25-30 family & close friends we had set a very low budget of $3000. His reason for backing out is that he didn’t want to spend money on other people that we should go on a trip instead of the ceremony. Although alittle disappointed I agreed, needless to say we didn’t take that trip, but he did buy himself a motorcycle for his birthday in March & tried to pass it off as a replacement gift to renewal ceremony & trip.
Very unhappilymarried
We've often thought about it. Hmmm, maybe it's time! Thanks.
Loving a person truly is the reason you renew your vow again. I never been married but not yet ready to get married because I am scared enough that one day, I will end up loosing the vows I promise to my partner and never renew it again.
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