By Gian Fiero
The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store, and I glanced at the covers of several magazines. Many of them advertised articles on relationship topics such as “How to keep the fire burning,” and “How to Make Your Relationship Affair Proof.”
Topics such as these have their role in the repertoire of self-help materials which flood the market and feed the fears and insecurities of women, but they also contribute indirectly to something else: the belief that the woman is responsible for preventing her man from going astray. That’s foolish. It’s also impossible.
Men go astray because they choose to go astray. So do women. What both (mature) men and women can agree upon is that the success of any relationship requires commitment and collaboration…and sex…quality sex.
To that end, this article provides couples with some helpful ways in which they can achieve greater intimacy through better sexual interaction and activities.
ADDRESS YOUR FEARS: When fears are left unattended in a relationship, they grow. They also make us feel vulnerable. It’s simply not possible to be truly intimate, without being vulnerable. The fear of getting hurt, rejected, or disappointed looms large. Open and honest conversations about such fears will enable you to understand their origins, and eradicate them.
COMMUNICATE OPENLY: Most couples know the importance of communication. What they don’t know is that communication styles impact the effectiveness of that communication. To improve communication, acknowledge what was said and give feedback. This reduces discrepancies between what you heard, and what was said.
EXERCISE TOGETHER: People are not only motivated to work-out for health related reasons. Surveys show that increasing or maintaining sex appeal is just as important. Why not do it together as a couple? Healthiness and sexiness go hand-in-hand. Who will appreciate your nice physique more than a partner who was involved in the process of creating it?
GO DANCING: There’s a reason why “Dancing With The Stars” has been a hit for the last several years: It’s a sexy show! You may not be able to dance like the contestants on the show, but you can certainly enjoy the stimulating benefits of physically interacting with your partner while they are looking their best while dancing.
SPEND TIME TOGETHER NAKED: Get comfortable with each others bodies. Know where and how your partner likes to be touched. The greater the comfort level you achieve in your state of nakedness, the less inhibited your love making will be.
MASSAGE EACH OTHER: Massages are perhaps the most underutilized, and highly appreciated, sensual activity of couples. When given in an environment which is conducive to relaxation (soft music, candlelit room, etc.) a firm (or gentle) massage can relieve tension, stress, and awaken your dormant sexual desires when special attention is payed to your erogenous zones. Incorporate scented oils to maximize the sensuality of your massage experience.
GO SHOPPING: Taking your man shopping to find clothes that capture his handsomeness can be both an educational and bonding experience. But do men hate shopping with women? Yes, but it all depends on what they are shopping for. In this sexy scenario you are purchasing clothes that he has a vested interest in (such as the sexy outfits you will wear while out dancing). Watching a woman slither in and out of a dressing room in sexy clothes is very arousing.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION: A recent report found that children see more violence growing up than they see public displays of affection. Like Stevie Wonder sings, the world is in need of a little love today – show it to them! Public displays of affection tend to come naturally to new couples who can’t keep their hands off of each other. All couples should follow suit.
MAKE LOVE…SLOWLY: In a world that has become increasingly fast-paced, why wouldn’t you? This is the time when the world should slow down long enough for you to feel as though time does not exist, and your pleasure, is the most important thing in the world. After all, being sexy as a couple is comprised of moments which lead to, and come down to this.
Gian Fiero is an educator, speaker and consultant. He specializes in business development, career planning, and personal growth issues. He is affiliated with San Francisco State University as an adjunct professor, and the United States Small Business Administration (SBA) as a business advisor, in addition to conducting lectures, workshops, and counseling sessions throughout the country.