I Have To Holla At My Man

By Lana Moline

Tonight at about 9:15pm, long after the kids are asleep and we’ve both showered, I’m going to holla at my man. It’s been a minute since we’ve had one of these talks and I just can’t wait any longer. With all the running, working and responsibilities of life maybe I neglected to put this bug in his ear. Don’t get me wrong I tell him “I love you” every day and kiss him good morning and good night but this is something that I just haven’t said. It’s sort of an announcement or a declaration if you will. Tonight, I’m going to tell him just how much I miss my boyfriend.

My boyfriend used to send me text messages telling me how nice I look in my jeans and whisper things that still makes me blush while driving home at speeds that I am grateful no cops witnessed. He used to reassure me every day that I am the woman of his dreams and that nothing or no one is more important than me. He wasn’t afraid to be goofy or vulnerable, all in the name of love. He would sing “My Girl” with all the moves and spin and even attempt to drop down on one knee just to see me smile. I don’t know where he went but today I’ve got to get him back.

His timbs and nikes have been replaced with loafers and dress shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I love a man in a suit but there is nothing like a brother spitting game all donned in gear that says “I’m fresh off the b-ball court with like mike dreams.” Tickets to the games are replaced by business meetings filled with people with dollar signs in their eyes. No more rap sessions, house parties or get-togethers on the weekends, that’s the time to organize and plan for next week.

So when I holla at him I will not prepare a PowerPoint or pie chart. I will not give him statistics or websites that support my claim. I’m simply going to look him in the eye and tell him that I know his time is limited but I have 3 points I want him to know. I miss having fun and laughing until my side hurts. I miss the look he used to give me from across the room even if we were in church and I still want him – tonight!

Lana Moline is a freelance writer and poet who lives in Fort Worth with her husband and three kids. She has been married 11 years and understands that marriage truly is a journey that is sometimes complicated by our own thoughts, perceptions and feelings. Visit her at her blog LanaSuccess4Kids.

22 replies
  1. marcel
    marcel says:

    Well put L.M. It is always nice to have your wife give you a holla . Life is to short and the activities of raising a family are always bombarding your relationship with you boyfriend until you do wonder where and when the old boyfriend went to. I'm sure he will appreciate the assurance that he is still the one to make you laugh. Happy New Year.

  2. Vicki
    Vicki says:

    many times after work and kids, church and life, we get tired , not in the mood. Those few minutes/hours it takes to reconnect and brin git all back is worth it. We are always to be aware of where we've come from and where we are. If it was better back then or for that moment great. Let's not forget we'd all love for a little more. And DON"T be afraid or shame to ASk for what you want. God says in Matt. 7:7 "ask and you shall recieve, seek and you will find."
    Love this Lana, don't stop

  3. Jaja P.
    Jaja P. says:

    This was good, Lana…something that's definitely needed from time to time. We need to check in with each other..

  4. Ruthie
    Ruthie says:

    Enough said! I loved it! You are so on point. Sometimes we all need to stop and reevaluate it all. Throw that spice back into the relationship. When the homework is done and checked and the kids are in bed, it’s our time to be 19 again. 🙂

  5. Vincent Pruitt
    Vincent Pruitt says:

    I love it. This article is so on point. We as men and women often get so caught up in the daily grind of work and life that we sometimes forget that we were once just two people getting to know each other. Hanging out with your girl or man and just being together, loving each other. We all have to take the time and “Holla” at one another as often as we can. It make that daily grind go a lot easier. Keep up the great work sis.

    Hey Nichole! Let me holla at you for a little while.

    • Nichole
      Nichole says:

      Lanette, this was indeed right on point as my dear husband put it! I guess I need to holla at cha boy!!

      Vincent I need to holla back at cha!

  6. MSoutherngaLA
    MSoutherngaLA says:

    This post is just confirmation about how my marriage is not "by the book" all the time. Sometimes I want that man in the boots and jeans to come up to me and tell me I look fly in my 'fit. We've only been married for 4 years, but it's post like this that make me ensure we don't fall into this stale routine. Most of the people say if we can make it pass the the 7year itch, we will be fine. But there ae some who couldn't make it to 3. I know that our men have to handle business but my motto is 'Work hard, play harder".
    Keep the post coming and keep ministering to us in the spirit of love.

  7. Tara
    Tara says:

    What an awesome post! Holla at your man girl! Thanks for sharing!

  8. FACE
    FACE says:

    Loved your post Lana! I do plan on calling my wife and allowing her to hear my base of love! Your statements are so true; my weeks are filled with business travels. Long time since we had house parties or get-togethers on the weekends. I work hard to play big but sometimes we need vitamins like this to reorganize the furniture and allow for that sun to shine on both of us with a different view. To my CoCo Queen, Love you! See you within 60 for some of that “Crown Royal on Ice”!

  9. gena quest
    gena quest says:

    I love it… you are so on point. Life and all of its ups downs and day to day responsibilities have a way of making us forget what's important. We get so consumed with money and paying for the big houses and cars. The bills and material posessions become more important than what's on the surface.
    As much as I enjoy nice things I'd rather a card than a gift. I'd perfer quality time alone to a night on the town. Yes, Holla at your MAN…. Simply Wonderful

  10. Ptah180
    Ptah180 says:

    Sounds like your man has evolved into the husband. I think the biggest mistakes so many black women make is not knowing the difference between having a good boyfriend vs haveing a good husband..You want this "fun and exciting" dude but he sounds like he trying to prepare for the future. Infact the all the fun and excitment as a boyfriend will be the very thing that you will resent about him as husband. Men who become husbands have made a decision to assume responsiblity , they dont have time to be "fun and exciting" because they have folks who are depending on them to be responsible.

    He doesnt time for cookouts and weekend outings that serve no purpose other than to make you feel good (no disrespect intended)..Your man wants to attend buisness meetings to improve his quality of life and your beef is what??? After your man has handled his buisness and closed that million dollar deal THEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY. But until then let that man walk his path. You are going to miss the fruits of his labor some day because you'd rather have him sitting around holding your hand….

    Just my take on this…..Hotep.

    • Tara
      Tara says:

      I really think you are taking this waaaaay too seriously. She's just saying she wants to connect with her husband. Plain and simple.

    • Tonya Charles
      Tonya Charles says:

      Ummm…are you married? Marriage is a LIFE commitment that comes with its own set of responsibilities and the writer realizes that fully. But FUN doesn't evaporate when you sign the marriage license. I, and many other black women, not only encourage our spouses to pursue their greatness but support it financially, physically, and/or emotionally. But this is saying she wants her man to be he LOVER, the him before the bills and babies.

      Sometimes we just want our our spouse to be…our spouse. No covers, no cares for a few minutes or hours. Just the person who made us feel like the most special being on earth not so long ago.

    • Barbara Pettis
      Barbara Pettis says:

      OK seriously, dude, what is wrong with you!

  11. Jo Ann
    Jo Ann says:

    Thank you for a blessed, gentle wake-up call. Nana

  12. Tallesha
    Tallesha says:

    You said it! In fact, it's time for me to call my boyfriend right NOW to let him know …well…i"ll save that for me and him. Thanks for sharing, it had certainly fueled that dim lit flame.

  13. Barbara Pettis
    Barbara Pettis says:

    OMG! I am truly blown away by this. I kept reading and thought, who wrote this? and then I say the name. All I can say is BEAUTIFUL! PROUD! BLESSED!!

  14. K.O.
    K.O. says:

    Love it!

Comments are closed.