Is He Killing You With Silence?

By: Karen Cooper Johnston

Not all verbal abuse is name calling, shouting or accusations. The stone faced quiet types can cause just as much mental and emotional distress as an out of control partner can. The flip side of a screaming, physically abusive partner is the silent selfish partner. Whether it’s never using words of appreciation to being a selfish lover, the quiet narcissistic partner runs the show through intimidation. By withholding feedback or not considering your feelings; in some cases not even caring to hear what your feelings are, the mental abuse leaves you filled with self doubt. Self doubt is the narcissist’s favorite fuel source.

Many spouses who commit this kind of mental abuse may not be aware that their behavior is hurting you. They may not have the intention to commit mental abuse but because they are so self-absorbed they rarely have the skills to behave better. Since the function of self-absorption in the narcissistic personality is to protect a shattered ego identity, NPD spouses are threatened by the mirroring partner’s needs.

If you are suffering mental abuse it is worth considering that your partner may be suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that there are steps you can take, changes you can make in yourself that you can put into action right away to begin changing the dynamics of your relationship.

Asking your mentally abusive partner to recognize himself in his bad behavior is futile. Mental abusers won’t take responsibility for themselves, preferring the blame game to self-accountability. If your mentally abusive spouse is afraid of being abandoned, he might use belittling, isolation or abandonment itself to keep you from leaving him.

None of this has to be hopeless however. Once you understand that the abusive husband or abusive wife is only acting the way they were taught to deal with stress, shame, and feelings of insecurity, you can choose words and actions that will support the underlying needs the abusive words and behaviors are cloaking.

Over time the abuser’s subconscious will perceive support and trust will build. Reading books, listening to radio shows and signing up for email support on the topic of narcissistic personality disorder are all excellent ways to train yourself how to be a smart, competent ally in the fight for a healthier relationship. Learn more at

At Narcissism Cured we help you to deal with the person who is suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the friends and family members do not have to suffer forever. There are techniques and activities through which a person suffering from NPD can be cured of this disorder. Visit our website for more information regarding Domestic Abuse