Is It Realistic To Stay In Relationship With My Husband While He Serves A HEFTY Jail Sentence?

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Okay, I am a 29 year old AA woman, my husband and i have been married for a little over 2 years now. I met my husband when we were in college, he was in his freshmen year and I was in my senior . I was fortunate in that where I had interned just so happened to have a position open and so I began working shortly after graduation. My husband (then boyfriend) had been having a hard time focusing on assignments and class work and by the end of the second semester he had decided to venture off into “other things” wholey”! It was a life style that I can’t say I was proud of, but we were comfortable. I knew what he was doing and while I didn’t like it I feel more often than not had I said something more and/or been more adamant with regards to me telling him so, things would be alot different today.

Just before our world came crashing down we decided that I would return to school to complete my MSW, and I was hopeful that my husband would be inspired and would return with me to finish up his degree as well! With my new class schedule (and i am aware that this sounds as if I’m making excuses for his actions) i had to reduce my work to part time which had, had some impact on our finances. Sufficed to say he got heavier into “other things”…   Soon there after… Karma I guess…

Fast foward, 8 years invested,  1 child not biologically his but his no less, a mortgage, A FAMILY.

My husband was arrested and received a fairly hefty sentence and it has been extremely difficult to sustain this family but we have, even in his physical absence. Now I love this man, I believe I loved him even before I uttered the words aloud. I have accepted the fact that he will be away for a while but I often times wonder if it fair or even realistic to say that we’ll last. My husband as of late has been saying to me more often than not that even though we are married he’ll understand if I need to leave him, I don’t know if he’s trying to make me leave him or what, I respond by telling him that we won’t make forever promises, I tell him of what I know. I tell him that I loved him yesterday, I tell him that I love him today and if I wake up tomorrow and feel one iota of what I feel today then I’ll stay another day.

Ma’ats,  I am not asking whether I should go or stay, as I am clear that this must be a decision that I must make whole heatedly and on my own, its just that I have been following for quite sometime and really appreciate your perspective. What i want to know is if you think it REALISTIC to stay?

12 replies
  1. toni
    toni says:

    I agree she should stay with him because she is apart of him doing that time.The pressure of trying to make the ends meet anyway necessary and I am sure it was her ends being meet too.Then there is really no better man out there for her if he truely loves her.Good men her age are more likely take.Stand by him!

  2. wow
    wow says:

    I know someone that is doing this and so far they are ok he been gone for 8 years and have 2-3 more to go so I believe it is up to the person and what they really want. She is faithful because she benefit from his hustle.

  3. Dorcas
    Dorcas says:

    I second that someone else said exactly what I was going to say which is, Great advice y'all and where did you get these t-shirt? KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!

  4. Brooke
    Brooke says:

    I know a couple who lived like this. He was in jail for 10 years. They had a baby child when he left, but they weren't married yet. While he was away she talked to him often, wrote him, went to see him all over the country, and considered him her man. However, she saw other people (I think) she was very very private about who she saw (so I'm not 100% certain of her involvement with other men). We were close friends, so if I'm not completely certain, you know just how private she was. Anyway, it's been about 22 years since he first went in. They are married, and have another child. They are happy and they continued on with their lives. They must have had some kind of understanding about how she would conduct herself because they don't seem to have any issues about what happened during the 10 years that he was away.

    I must say that she happily accepted all the gifts, lifestyle, etc, that his career offered when he was hustling. In addition, she womaned up and accepted the time he was given and stayed by his side. I respect her for accepting responsibility of her role in the illegal activity, and for being just as much as a woman as he was a man in accepting the punishment.
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  5. Terrence
    Terrence says:

    Great advice and I love the shirts too y'all!

  6. AmoreProds
    AmoreProds says:

    thats a hard decision…if the sentence was less than 5? yrs then perhaps personally i could wait…but at 29 and ur husband is sentenced to 10+yrs i dont know…wow! alot of consider

  7. Kamira Renee
    Kamira Renee says:

    aww I love the intro…ya'll are too cute!!?

  8. the 1mshbic
    the 1mshbic says:

    Hey I love the shirts. I would love? to purchase one. I love this topic.

  9. midatlantic09
    midatlantic09 says:

    It would've helped if? she stated the actual prison sentence instead of just stating that it's a hefty sentence. There's a major difference between a 5 year sentence and a 20 year sentence.

  10. ILoveToScrub
    ILoveToScrub says:

    this intro is soooo much? better than the last video when he was getting a lil frustrated because of the multiple takes, and she was (and succeeded naturally) in changing his mood 🙂

    Now she know about the hustle and turned a blind eye. she got the benefits so she should be willing to do the time with him too. she KNEW what was up!!!!

    Besides what happened to for better or worse?????

  11. ItHiNkIdEsErVeIt
    ItHiNkIdEsErVeIt says:

    Aww man I feel for her, she wants to be loyal to her husband but she has ALOT to think about…times will? get lonely but if its staying she wants it may not be hard.

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