By Karl Augustine
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you’re trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don’t take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a “helicopter” viewpoint. To do that, you’re going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.
The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren’t alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.
Here’s a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:
Marriage problem #1: Lack of sexual intimacy – a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.
Marriage problem #2: Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you – you need to learn to work together and you can’t do that if one of you is getting too heated.
Marriage problem #3: Being selfish – eventually this will catch up to you. You should always think of your partner when you think of yourself.
Marriage problem #4: Being dishonest – another serious issue. If you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you’re marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.
Marriage problem #5: Teasing too much – generally the husband does this but it could go either way. If there’s a little bit of truth to the teasing or there’s a greater marriage problem that incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery together. Chances are that you’ll have a lot more work to do to correct this marriage problem.
Marriage problem #6: Not respecting your spouse – this marriage problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure out why the disrespect is present. If you aren’t getting the every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not let this go on another day.
Marriage problem #7: Not being attentive to your spouse or not listening to your spouse – men are usually guilty of this marriage problem but is isn’t exclusive to the weaker gender by any means. Really listening doesn’t mean obeying, it means understanding what’s important to your spouse and acting accordingly.
Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a “marriage problem”, you have to decide what those are as they pertain to your situation.
So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are severe enough to warrant a divorce?
You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe that you need to run right out and get a divorce. You’ll be a better person for it because you will have fixed something within yourself.
However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits or behavior that you’ve identified in your spouse are ‘fixable’ in your mind…assuming of course, that your spouse will agree that you are right.
Next, approach your spouse with the information that you’ve reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, deep self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.
Of course, no one can decide this but you.
Karl Augustine Author, “A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”. *A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.