It’s Hard To Watch My Wife Cry

By Ayize Ma’at

A couple of days ago I had an interesting early morning experience.  Aiyana had just finished a daily devotional phone call with her mom and was just laying still staring at me when I opened my eyes.  By the look on her face I could tell something was on her spirit and tears were ready to pour.  So I asked her “What’s wrong baby?”  She said, “We’ve got a lot going on, and it’s hard.”  Before  she even finished the last word she began crying.  I sat there and looked at her as tears fell from her eyes.  I listened to her release into the atmosphere the load that’s weighing heavy on her heart.  A part of me felt helpless and handicapped because all I could offer was a kiss on the forehead and reassurance that we’re gonna get through this.

Those of you who follow us know that our tag line is Stop Playing Start Pushing.   We’re all about overcoming obstacles, shape shifting, and breaking down barriers.  While this approach to life is definitely necessary, watching my wife cry and our subsequent conversation, evoked a different emotional response….simply…BE STILL.

You see, Stop Playing. Start Pushing….has it’s place. Standing still and feeling fear…..being present with the magnitude of the moment has it’s place too.  In that moment when I sat with my wife and experienced the meaning behind her tears, I too was challenged to be present and experience the magnitude of the moment….a moment which includes:

pre op authorizations, hydroxyurea, pulmonary specialist, sickle cell anemia, blood draws, albuterol 3 times/day, pediatrician clearance, singulair, bone marrow transplant appointment, pulmacort 3 times/day, avascular necrosis, blood transfusion,  and surgery….AND 3 OTHER CHILDREN.

When I sit and think about all of that and how ALL of it has been only a fraction of our hectic lives for the past 7 days….I say WOW.  I also say Thank God.  I thank God for the friend (you know who you are) who told my wife it’s o.k. to be afraid and feel overwhelmed.  I thank God for allowing me to have enough emotional insight to be the tissue for my wife’s tears and not be ashamed to shed my own.  I thank God for all of the folks out there who’ve donated to the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, tweeted the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, shared on FB the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, offered to run a post on their website in support of the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, and said a prayer for the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign.  All of it counts and I thank GOD for all of it.

Asante is having hip surgery on Friday 6/29 to address his Avascular Necrosis. He developed Avascular Necrosis in both hips as a result of SICKLE CELL ANEMIA.  While the surgery on Friday won’t cure his sickle cell (that’s what the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign is for) he’s still very excited and optimistic because he’s hoping this procedure will enable him to run and jump with his friends again.  Please say a prayer for him and our family yall…..we really appreciate your love and support.

CLICK HERE to donate to the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign.  We need your help.


10 replies
  1. Yana
    Yana says:

    This really touched me and the message about just being still really hit home for several mountains I am currently facing in my life. On Tuesday I was diagnosed with MS and I really have no clue what to think or do. Of all the advice I've heard in the last few days, being still seems to be the best. Anyway, thanks for that and best wishes for your son and your entire family. Y'all are beautiful family and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

  2. Ilex Bien-Aime
    Ilex Bien-Aime says:

    I’ve been praying for your family a lot lately brother. You guys do so much for so many people whether it be directly or indirectly. The enemy sees that and wants to break your spirit. But one thing that I was always taught is that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle which means you guys have more strength than most of us and probably even more strength than you realize. May God bless and protect your family brother!!!

  3. Stacie
    Stacie says:

    Praying for you and your family. Be encouraged, God does not lie. He will do just what he said!

  4. Mrs. Tee
    Mrs. Tee says:

    You guys are a great couple, I could only wish the African American community could be made up of more families like yours and Michelle and Barrack. God Bless !!!

  5. Brooke
    Brooke says:

    Life brings so many challenges and many tears. It really is a blessing when we have a partner to shoulder the load. Stay strong

  6. Sam
    Sam says:

    My prayers are with you guys.

  7. Ronnie
    Ronnie says:

    This brought tears to my eyes. My husband and I have been struggling for a while, and I own my part in that. But I see him struggling with his emotions, and what to do, and I just want to fix it for him. We got more bad news today, and your post reminded me that sometimes being STILL is enough. I will be praying for your son’s surgery. Thank you for all you and Aiyana do. Just by reading your sites I’ve grown so much.

  8. K.O.
    K.O. says:

    Ayize…you're such a good husband. Aiyana…you're such a beautiful woman. And Asante…you are an amazing little boy, and I'm praying for your surgery on Friday. For reals…I'm not just saying the words because they sound good. I don't have the words to express my gratitude for both you guys and your family that you've shared with us. Thank you guys for the work that you do. Thank you guys for the people that you are, and that you continue to aspire to be. You are so much appreciated and loved. I pray that God will see you through and be a comforter during this time.

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      K.O. we really really appreciate you. Thank you for your prayers and your constant encouragement. You and your daughter have definitely been a light in our lives.
      My recent post It’s Hard To Watch My Wife Cry

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