My Man Wants To Marry Me…But I’m Concerned Because He’s Not Self Sufficient
VIDEO: I’m so glad I came across your channel on you tube. You guys are great. Here is my situation. My bf and I have been dating for close to three years. He is 35 and I am 34 and we do not have kids. We are both college grads. I want to be engaged this year. I gave him an ultimatium-if we do not get engaged this year we are over. He has agreed, but his mother is a real issue. See, my bf still lives at home with his mother. Bascially she has manipulated him to a T. She pays his car issurance, cooks his breakfast, washes his clothes etc. I have been the one to lift the veil off and he has come to his senses recently-and realizes he needs to man up and do for himself-each time he does his mother puts a guilt trip on him. He recently informed me he wants to move out and move in with me. Now, I have reservations about that. I want to be engaged before we live together? PS Should I embrace his way of growing and becoming his own man or should I bail?
PS Background we met when we were in the fourth grade. I transferred out of the school a year later and never saw him again, until 22 years later on a busy street in Manhattan. I feel we are kindred, but I don’t get why our relationship is so slow to get to the next level. He says he’s saving for a ring, but most of the time his money goes to Mommy dearest. Also, my parents feel that I am wasting my time and I can be dating and perhaps meet someone else who is ready. They feel as though my clock is ticking away!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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RUN like the deuces!! I was engaged to a man like this and the rachet from Moms is only going to get worse if and when you go to the next level!
Love is a beautiful thing. However I do think if he loves you and I believe he does… then he has to live out in the world on his own. If he doesn't spread his wings, you will essentially become "The Mother" You will come to resent all the things you love about him. He needs to prove to himself that he can "Man UP" and handle his business without the loving arms of Mama.
Love waits on welcome not on time…A Course in Miracles. So if he loves you today, he'll love you tomorrow. Allow him to become the Man you know him to be and not the child still at home under Mama. If you love him you will allow him room for self discovery and growth.
There is no need to rush down an aisle. Take your time and grow together.
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m sorry there is no excuse you are 35 years old!!!!! Its more respectable and acceptable if he had 2 roommates but at least he was on his own. As a man if he didnt see that this was a problem before now and you had to make him realize it, then you're already gunna have problems cuz he's blind to independence being a core value. As far as the treatment from his mom, that? is RIDICULOUS! As as for her, I understand her clock is ticking but that is no reason to lower your standards to this…RUN!
I agree with wall that you said but I would just like add in is important to have love for each other to the point where you know each other goals that you what to see meet . I would therefore say over the time you should have been setting goals together making sure that they are met. That would see the type of man that you have. There men out there that do know how to or even get? the chance to go and do things for them self for some mom just wont let go .What a relationships is about is US WE OUR . Together you are strong so to the young lady I will say if this my is ready to give you his life. Just work with him a give him goals with a time spans on it. It could little this like. Take the insurance off you mom , and you him to do it before the month is out stuff like that .. I say if? a may can do the little things he can do the big things . Working together is the key .
looks like he wants to run from one mommy to another mommy. he should have been saving up so he could get out from under mommy and get? some independence. bio clock ticking but it looks like she's looking to pick up a 35 year old baby!!!!!
She needs? to RUNNNNN and don't look back…sorry but that's foolishness, he needs to grow up. He is in 30's and he hasn't demonstrated it yet, it isn't going to get any better.