My Wife Is The Worst Workout Partner In The World

By Ayize Ma’at

I love my wife dearly. My wife is my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant, my lover, my cheerleader, my everything. My everything EXCEPT a good workout partner. My wife is the WORST workout partner in the world. I love you Queen, but I’m putting you out there cause there’s some things I need to get off my chest.

Yall are probably thinking “C’mon Ayize, is she really that bad?” YES!!! Whether it be her flat out refusals to do anything we agree on in our workout OR using her body as a weapon of mass distraction, in my mind my wife easily captures the title WORST Workout Partner In The World. You don’t believe me? Let me tell you how a workout usually goes.

Ayize: Baby you wanna go outside and workout?
Aiyana: Yeah, we can do that. How cold is it?
Ayize: Whateva the temp is we can dress for the weather?
Aiyana: You might be white, but I ain’t white…and if it’s cold I’ll pass?
Ayize: What?
Aiyana: What’s the temperature?
Ayize: (Sigh) 64 degrees
Aiyana: That’s cold
Ayize: Put some damn clothes on and c’mon
Aiyana: What?
Ayize: C’mon Boo
Aiyana: Ugghhhhhhhhh

So eventually we get outside yall (I’m in my T-shirt, Aiyana’s in her trench coat with the collar pulled up around her neck)

Ayize: Boo what are you doin’….put on something different
Aiyana: It’s cold out here mutha freaker
Ayize: Ughhhh

So we start walking……and on a 3 mile route we’re probably about 6 blocks in

Ayize: Can we run 1 block?
Aiyana: No
Ayize: C’mon Boo…just 1 block
Aiyana: No
Ayize: Boo
Aiyana: We’re walking fast enough
Ayize: I’m not sweating…I need to get a good sweat on
Aiyana: I’m not running…u can run but I ain’t running
Ayize: Ughhhhhh

So we end up walking the remaining 3 miles BECAUSE MY WIFE REFUSES TO RUN!!!

When we’re inside and it’s warm and Aiyana is comfortable I ain’t gotta worry about Aiyana being dressed in winter gear in 64 degree weather. My issues are slightly different when we’re working out at home. For instance:

When it’s time to workout, Aiyana enters the family room in a pair of tights that of course get my attention. She usually has this smirk on her face that lets me know that the workout I intend to have is not the workout I’m gonna have. I’m serious…I’m focussed….I’m determined to get a good sweat, burn some calories, and lose some pounds. Can I do that….NO…at least not when my wife is around.

Ayize: Baby let’s do some Tabatas
Aiyana: What n the hell are Tabatas?
Ayize : several rounds of exercises consisting of 20 seconds of activity and 10 seconds of rest
Aiyana: How bout Billie Blanks instead?
Ayize: No Boo…follow my lead…we’re gonna start off with front kicks
Aiyana: Ughhh

So we start off with front kicks and midway through the first set Aiyana’s front kick begins metamorphosis and somehow ends up becoming the 2 Step.

Ayize: Boo..it’s a front kick NOT A DANCE STEP!!
Aiyana: Look at me boo look at me…. do it with me.
Ayize: Aiyana STOP PLAYIN Man!!
Aiyana: and 1and 2 and 1 and 2 and 1 and 2 …..u gotta move your shoulders like this when you do it
Ayize: Boo…You blowin’ me.
Aiyana: Why you getting’ mad?
Ayize: (silence)

So we move to squats. Now mind you I’m tryin’ my best to keep a straight face and be serious HOWEVER toward the end of our squat routine Aiyana’s squats begin looking like she’s auditioning for T Pain’s BootyWork video. She just can’t be serious.

This is what I go through yall when I’m trying to get a good sweat on. This is why my wife is the WORST workout partner in the world. The workout I have in mind ain’t the type of workout she wants to have…she’s not serious, she’s on joketime, she’s satisfied with being silly, and she’s seeking a different type of sweat. #Weapons of Mass Distraction

Despite the frustration I feel when I’m working out with my wife…she’ll always be the first person I pick to work out with. And then I’ll move on to someone else…LOL.  I love my wife dearly. My wife is my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant, my lover, and my cheerleader.  Simply put….she’s my everything.

Ayize Ma’at is Co-founder and President of B Intentional, LLC, the Relationship Education company that owns and operates Blackloveandmarriage.com, the premiere cutting edge Marriage and Family web publication with the largest collection of love and marriage advice videos for African Americans. He is a Marriage & Relationship Educator certified in various Singles and Marriage Education curriculums and has a passion for inspiring others to grow and gain a deeper understanding of love. He is a devoted husband and the proud father of 4 amazing children.