By Steve East
No marriage is perfect. That is a given.
Yours might be “on the rocks,” with an additional burden of discovering that your spouse “cheated” on you! It might seem hopeless at the moment, but there is one method that really “works” to save the whole situation.
I will propose a special plan that will include one crucial bit of advice.
First, are you experiencing the following symptoms?
Tense “discussions” over and over again
Playing the “silence” game
Avoidance of intimacy
Let me share this observation (about saving a marriage). It is NOT going to happen overnight. It will take some effort to make it work.
But, it can still be FUN!
There is almost no other way, let me explain.
You might be thinking to yourself ” how can this possibly be something enjoyable?” Like as if you are on the sinking “Titanic” and decide to dance to the music being played by the doomed band!
So, bear with me here. After weeks (or months) of negative emotions and miserable relations, here is what has to be done to rekindle the romance. Don’t forget, when you first met, something had to be very special between you two to convince each other to get married.
Have a drink, then after that, sit down together on the sofa (each with a piece of paper). Write down five ideas for a special “date” to do something really interesting and exciting that you would truly enjoy sharing.
Then, compare and take the best ideas from each of you.
With the “best agreed idea,” start to plan right away how to put it in action. Grab a calendar, circle the date and commit to following it through. Don’t let anything get in the way of this. Drop everything, and make this priority one.
This is extremely important right now. This seemingly simple action will help to move things forward instead of backwards!
It will show that you are both serious about rebuilding your relationship despite the ugly setbacks.
The rules for your secret date are as follows.
A) Only the two of you are allowed to participate.
B) Commit to make a real effort to relax.
C) For this one night, do not bring up any potentially explosive issues. Be aware of the sensitive topics and forget about them for one evening.
D) Have some fun, smile, laugh and try to remember what it was like on your “real” first date.
E) Touch each other and try looking into each others’ eyes.
To summarize, it is crucial to inject “fun” into the complicated equation of restoring your marriage into a permanent union. That is the one ingredient necessary for this to work out. When you experience the joys of your early days over again, it will seem less traumatic to “forgive” the mistakes that were made before. The past cannot be changed, but the future can be wonderful if you both move on.