VIDEO: Hi! I need some perspective from a loving married Black couple. I watch your advice videos and love the messages you put out there and the positivity. My question is , I’m newly engaged as of last month 🙂 and my fiance lost his job the same week. This is the 2nd time since I’ve known him he’s lost his job due to the recesion. (lay offs) He was out of work for a few months and found a job and now got laid off from this new job. His savings is almost run out and he said he may need to stay with me if he can’t get a job soon. (He has said he has no debt (just the cost of my engagement ring) has always paid his rent and ongoing monthly bills timely to date) To give a little backstory-We met last summer 2010 and started as friends first. By Spring2011 our friendship developed into a full blown relationship with marriage potential. We are equally yoked in our faith, values and overall goals of family etc. I’m 33 and he’s 44. He’s a godly man, my friend and love, quiet & simple guy. I’ve never married & quite old fashioned and he’s divorced no kids (the ex cheated on him) My concern is seeing how we just got engaged and planned on marrying end of the year (Dec) in a small family only ceremony (elopement). All this change is overwhelming to begin with (singledom to marriage) but also, I’m really concerned about entering marriage if I’m the sole provider. We have had discussions of our perceptions of what a mans role and a woman’s role is. He has said, he is to provide and share with the house hold with the wife. I talked with my fiancee and expressed to him , to me, it’s important he have a job before we enter marriage. We agree our household will be dual income . His response was , “if we were already married would you kick me out? I said of course not, I’d hold things down until you found work. “To him he doesn’t see the difference. However to me it’s different. Like going to the Olympics. You want to train and be at your optimium potential/performance level to play the game. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I’m a practical person and Love him too but don’t want to be a fool. He did express of course he would never mooch off me and contribute in other ways, like groceries, cleaning, cooking etc. ( He has demonstrated this- I’ve seen it) Also , he just started with very small investing that’s another way to potentially make income. (That’s his plan B) My parents don’t know about his job situation but are very observant. They are always mentioning to me and expressing their concern about me marrying my fiancee” can he provide, can he provide for you. You’ve always held it down for the family, but you should be taken care of and provided for”. I’m feeling so overwhelmed. 🙁 I know marriage is a huge step and nothing changes. I wouldn’t change anything about my fiancee, I know what I see is what I get. I know we’ll have tough times. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with carrying the majority of the load ENTERING marriage under stress. I don’t want to do something I’ll regret or have resentment toward my fiancee. It’s not my position to cohabitate before marrying either but I don’t want to see him out on the street if he can’t get a job by end of the month. So potentially I’d be sacrificing my stance for the sake of love. I’m concerned I’ll become resentful. The other side of me thinks, times are tough, the recession is taking it’s toll, perhaps this is all a test of our love? Maybe I need to change how I think/my perspective? What do you think? Is it too much to ask my fiancee to secure a job before marrying? (we can always reset the date) He’s actively looking and going on interviews, but what if he doesn’t land a job? Potentially worst case scenerio he could be living with me cohabitating and I’d be providing for us both in the next month. Please help. Any advice input is greatly appreciated. Thank you !
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