Take The Gloves Off & Stop The Tit For Tat Wars

By Debbie Manigat

It’s 9:30 AM and you’re late for work. Traffic is horrible on I-95 and you’re right before your exit. Some cuts you off and now you’re even more frustrated. You hit the gas and start the chase to get back at the other driver and then you hear sirens behind you. Dang. The police pull you over… Sound familiar?

This is a classic example of the horrible consequences of ‘tit for tat’. Going “tit for tat” means that when someone makes you mad or gets you upset, you have to get even with them, stick it to them, or make them feel the same pain if not more. Do you realize how ludicrous that sounds? In fact, it’s downright childish.

You could have driven away, turned up your music and focused on getting to work. You could have even just taken a breath and said a little prayer. But nope, instead- you led with your emotions and let road rage take over. Now you’re stuck with a $200 speeding ticket while the person who cut you off is long gone.

Let me make it clear now- going tit for tat is not worth the aftermath. Even more so in a relationship- going “tit for tat” is destructive. If your significant other has hurt you so much to the point that you feel like you need to retaliate or make them feel worse instead of communicating to them how you feel and working it out- then its official. Your relationship has crossed into the ‘tit for tat’ war zone.

When you feel the need to jab back at your spouse emotionally, mentally, or even physically- it is time to reassess the relationship. To get back into the safe zone, maybe you need to step back and take a break for from the relationship until you can forgive that person and move forward. You may even want to consider seeing a marriage and family therapist or relationship counselor. Yet if this is a reoccurring problem, then you may need to also consider going your separate ways.

In the end, there are a lot of things in life that may not go your way or may be out of your control i.e. getting cut off by another person. Yet that is no excuse to get out of control or enact an ‘eye for eye or a tooth for a tooth’ mentality because in the end that just leaves both parties hurt. Remember, there are things that are within your power such as your behavior and reaction to certain situations.

Re-evaluation is always better than revenge.

BLAM family, are you brave enough to share how you handled a “tit for tat” situation?

Debbie Manigat is a motivator. She loves to liberate people to live life in purpose. She is a proud graduate of the John H. Johnson School of Communications at Howard University, trained Marriage Mentor/ Counselor (SFACC), and certified Brazelton Touchpoints Parent Educator (CSC). Currently, she is fascinated by social neuroscience and narrative therapy and is studying to be a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Connect with her through her family owned lifestyle empowerment firm: dmempowers.com or on Facebook: Divine Motivation or Twitter: @DM_Empowers