By: Dr. Ray And Jean Kadkhodaian
Relationships are a living, breathing entity that takes on a life of its own beyond what each individual contributes. Besides the fact that relationships progress through stages of development depending on a multitude of factors, there are three fundamental dynamics that apply to all of them.
The first dynamic is, “The Law of Attraction”. People attract each other for a reason. Your partner is the perfect person to help you learn how to change, even if you end the relationship. The good news about this dynamic is that if you do not heal what is wrong in your current relationship you will get another chance in your next relationship. You will continue to attract partners with similar issues until you learn what your piece of the destructive pattern is. Doing the work to learn from this dynamic will change all of your relationships for the rest of your life for the better!
The second dynamic is, “It is easier to see outward than inward”. Couples are often very clear about what they believe their partner needs to change, but never focus on what they need to change within themselves. The only place of power you have in a relationship is to understand how you personally are contributing to and influencing the relationship. Each person is 50% responsible for the condition of their relationship, and it is the responsibility of each person in the relationship to understand what they have the power to change and how to respond to the things that they cannot change.
The third dynamic is, “Communication”. Most people have never learned all the complexities of communication including the biological factors and learned behaviors that unbeknownst to them contaminate communication. Most people report that they feel misunderstood, unfairly judged and invisible in their relationship. Communication can often become an endless dance going round and round in circles but always end up in the same stalemate. Couples need more than to just “talk more”, but to identify the problems in their communication and learn more effective ways of connecting with one another.
In recognizing and being cognizant of these three dynamics, couples can attend to the challenges that being in a relationship evokes. Changing one’s perception of these challenges into one of opportunity versus hardship can often be the factor that makes the difference between having a healthy and happy relationship or not.