3 Cures For Marital BOREDOM

By Dr. Tina Tessina

The old folk songs say it:

Oh, love is handsome, love is fine
Love is a jewel when it is new;
But when love’s old, it waxes cold
And fades away, like morning dew.

Folk wisdom says it: If newlyweds put a penny in a jar for every time they make love in the first year, and take one out for every time after that, the jar will never be empty.

Although most of us hope for our love to last forever, studies show that many couples who have been married for several years actually feel quite hopeless about keeping love alive, or at best resigned to boredom.

Avoiding Boredom
Boredom in a relationship is usually the result of avoidance — of each other, of change, of responsibility, or of life.

Boredom is a signal that the two of you have begun to take each other and your relationship for granted. Perhaps your activities have become too routine or you are avoiding facing a problem. Counter the boredom by taking necessary risks — for example, have that scary discussion about sex, aging, your in-laws, or dare to suggest a change in your routine. If the cause of boredom is a too-regular routine, the problem is easily fixed. All you need to do is… anything different. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s different and can be shared.

Use the following three words as your key to avoiding boredom: celebration, play, and laughter: 

Celebration: Just as you used celebration as an important ingredient of your marriage ceremony, work promotions, your children’s birthdays and graduation, you and your spouse need to continue celebrating your love throughout your lives to keep your energy high and maintain your motivation. Frequent celebrations demonstrate your love and appreciation for each other.

Organize festivities with friends, or celebrate alone together. Go away for the weekend to mark a special event or simply to celebrate the fact of your continuing love. Plan a special evening at home or at a restaurant; attend a concert to go to an amusement park together. In short, don’t stop dating because you’ve been together a long time.

A celebration need not be expensive. The point is to acknowledge that you’re celebrating something. Ginger ale in a champagne glass, a lit candle and a bubble bath may be all you need.

Play: Playing together can help you to avoid boredom. It’s during play that we re-create and renew our individual and mutual energies. Make recreation, play, and fun a priority in your relationship, setting aside time for play on a regular basis. Filling all of your spare time with overtime work, volunteer work, or other such activities can translate into an avoidance of your partner. Get over any reluctance you have to appear silly, and throw a frisbee, blow bubbles, get on the swings in the park, play a cutthroat game of Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit, or just read silly jokes and funny stories to each other.

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