Announcement: I Ain’t Halle Berry

By H. Roberta Williams

Disclaimer: This note is for mature audiences only. I have to be 100% real about an issue I’m dealing with, and I’d love for you to pray with me (if you pray) and hold me accountable if you’re so moved throughout this leg of my journey.

I guess you all are thinking, “Wow…she’s really got a knack for stating the obvious.”

Halle = Hollywood. Harriet = Ain’t in front of anybody’s camera.

Halle = Stunningly beautiful. Harriet = Possessor of that can’t-quite-put-my-finger-on-it-but-her-looks-grow-on-me type of beauty. LOL

Halle = Short and thin. Harriet = Tall with thick athletic build.

Halle = “I’m never getting married again.” Harriet = “I’m in no rush, but I know part of God’s plan for me is to be a wife.”

And herein lies my dilemma. Halle said she’ll never marry again, but at least she’s getting some on a regular basis, yanno? I had the ooo wee on demand when I was married, but prior to that, I was celibate for five years, waiting on Prince Charming (but arguably married a frog).

And it just hit me hard this week, y’all: I’m hormonal. Lawd, sweet Jesus help Your child. You can take a guess about what I mean about that. Yeah…the first thought that came to your mind, that’s what I am. Hot and bothered. Yet I made a decision that I would once again practice abstinence until I decide to get married again.

So…me being like Halle Berry is kinda out of the question. I’m glad I don’t allow my hormones to govern my decisions, otherwise I would have hit up Vegas and got married over the weekend. But I’m cool with prayer, cold showers and averted eyes. I can handle it.

Yeah, right. I’m lying…God is going to have to keep me just like He kept me before my first marriage. Because I can tell this is a vulnerability that has the potential to derail my deliverance with one foul swoop…and I ain’t trying to have that.

My mom was telling me over breakfast how she thought I was the consummate “package.” Funny, smart, compassionate, talented, good cook, not to mention beautiful. Gool ol’ Mama…and trust me, she’s not the biased type that would just say something like that without meaning it.

I can add to the equation that I really, really, REALLY love the Lord. And I really, really, REALLY need Him to hide and keep me until His timing is right. When will that be? Only He knows. But I’m content and confident that He has the Master Plan that will be perfect once He unveils the transformed Harriet for both the world and heaven to see.

I really don’t know what that plan looks like at the moment. Does it mean I don’t date? I don’t know. Does it mean every time a man with something going for him asks me out (and it’s happened a few times in the past few weeks), I tell him respectfully that although I appreciate the offer, I’m not bringing to the table the wholeness needed to pursue anything of substance with him? That line seems to be my go to explanation…and it’s the truth!

Do I date and “play the field?” I don’t even know what that means! I’m a product of a bunch of monogamous relationships! Maybe I’ll go out just to enjoy some adult, masculine company. Blockbuster nights in the dark on a couch are out of the question, but dinner, a concert, a sporting event or something like that shouldn’t do any harm, should it? *shrug*

I’m sure God will tell me when I’m ready. In the meantime, I appreciate the fact that my hormones aren’t the governing factor in my decision making process. It won’t kill me if my appetite for aphrodesiac isn’t fulfilled.

What WILL hurt is making another lapse in judgement that will make it difficult for me to ever get married again (disease, getting pregnant, getting my heart broken and being bitter…the list goes on and on).

I ain’t Halle Berry. But I know that what I’ll be able to bring to the table in the future is a package that any man with sense would desire.

Here’s to the second time around!

Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only one that has stuck so far is “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. Her transparent style chops away at the proverbial “elephants in the living room” that no one wants to talk about. She has made her own life an open door, so others will be willing to look at themselves and their humanity unashamedly and keep pressing forward in spite of the obstacles encountered. You can read more of her work on her site MY LIFE: THE AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL  or you can contact her at


8 replies
  1. Dee
    Dee says:

    well said

  2. Akshun Jaksun
    Akshun Jaksun says:

    Wow…I stared at the pic for about 5 minutes before i started reading. Ms. Berry Ms. Berry LOL. Harriet DO YOU!!! Personally I don't see any problem in you expressing yourself sexually as long as it's done responsibly. However if you can't keep your heart in check then you might want to keep your legs closed. God gave us desire not to torture us. Desire is an expression of spirit. DON'T FALL HEAD OVER HEELS JUST BECAUSE YOUR HEELS ARE OVER YOUR HEAD.

    • @hrwilliams7
      @hrwilliams7 says:

      Yeah…I think my attention getter might have been a little TOO effective for the brothers. LOL

      You called it, bro. I'm the type of woman who cannot separate the heart from the sexual act. I love deeply, and the physical expression of that just takes me into a deeper abyss. Whether that's a weakness or strength, IDK, but it is what it is. So these heels are gonna stay planted on the ground until I get married again.

      Plus I think the expression of love in a sexual way is sooooooooooo sacred. Humanity is the only species that can use it in a way of communication and recreation, in addition to the natural by product of procreation.

      So to me, it's not about keeping my heart in check. It's more about honoring the act and joy of sex with one person. To guarantee that kind of intimacy, marriage is the kind of commitment I need. I already know I can't handle more than that.

      Unique and peculiar? Maybe. Me? Definitely.

      • Ayize
        Ayize says:

        I appreciate how you lift up and respect the sacred element of sex. It's certainly not something to be taken lightly. This was a great note Harriet. I think it will help a lot of people in their process
        My recent post Announcement- I Ain’t Halle Berry

    • Cynthia
      Cynthia says:

      Harriet and I already had this discussion. LOL …but "DON'T FALL HEAD OVER HEELS JUST BECAUSE YOUR HEELS ARE OVER YOUR HEAD" made me scream. I have got to use that one with my girls.

  3. jonest
    jonest says:

    Hi Harriet,

    Thanks for sharing. Quickly though, I will say this. Why are you comparing yourself to Halle Berry? She is perfect as a creation of God. You are perfect as a creation of God. Period. He loves her. He loves you. He loves the cheating dogs, too.

    Find the things that make you happy, whole and complete. Write that novel or stageplay. Volunteer to teach children to read. Do the things that put the wind in your sails. If the man comes, great. If he doesn't, someone else will.

    I can't deny the horniness. Lord, I know. Work it out at the gym. Take up yoga. It does wonders.

    More importantly, know that you are a perfect creation of God. Even in your own imperfections. He made you exactly as you are, warts and all. Work on what you need to, but dont berate yourself.



    • @hrwilliams7
      @hrwilliams7 says:


      Thank you so much for the commentary. The comparison was actually meant to be humorous, not self-berating. I appreciate your concern, though. I can see how it could have been misconstrued.

      All of the above, in terms of pursuing my personal passion is actually taking place. This is just a vignette about a particular challenge I've been facing.

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