Are You Dating A Commitment Phobe?

By: Aaron Adams

All your friends seem to be engaged. When you see each other, all you talk about are the plans for the wedding and where the honeymoon is going to be. When you look back, you can’t seem to remember how many of your friends said goodbye to being single and embraced the blissful married life.

When you think about it, you’re not really a bad woman. You have a successful career, and you’re an overall good person. But how come all the men you’ve dated so far are afraid of the word commitment?

Your current boyfriend may be someone you wish to end up marrying. But every time you talk about marriage, or when you drop hints now and then about how happy your married friends are, he seems to blank out and stops hearing what you are saying. Talking about moving in together gets the same response as well.

If you can relate to the scenario above, then you may be dating a man who is “commitment phobe” or a man scared of the word commitment.

A “commitment phobe” doesn’t believe in the word “forever.” He may even have doubts about spending “forever” with you. This isn’t because he doesn’t love you – it’s just that he’s scared of the thought of spending his whole life with any one person
For him the mere fact that you’re together and that you have a somewhat stable relationship is enough. He’d think that committing to a more serious relationship would curtail all the freedom that he enjoys.

Being hurt in the past may be another reason why he doesn’t want to give his all into the relationship. But you can be sure that once the right woman comes along, he’ll forget about all the hurt and will gladly settle down. That woman could be you.

In reality, men are “programmed” to think that commitment isn’t beneficial for them. So it’s going to be a challenge for you to “re-program” him and make him think that commitment is something that he really needs and can benefit from.

By now you know that no amount of nagging can change his mind. So it is important for you to understand how your man’s mind works so that you can change his mindset to your advantage. He must realize his need of somebody to spend the rest of his life with. You can only do this if you stop clinging on to tightly too him and by going back to the kind of woman that he fell for in the beginning.

The change should come from him, but you can help lead him towards the change that he needs. Discover what makes your man tick and use this to your advantage. Let him see what a wonderful woman you really are and he’ll slowly see you again in the same light that got him interested in day one. Don’t be clingy, but instead be independent – the kind of woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.

Then he’ll see you as somebody he should never let go of. By understanding how his mind works, you’ll make him go the direction you want him to, and that includes a long-term commitment with you.

3 replies
  1. Dee
    Dee says:

    This is my issue. I’m at a point where I’m just not sure I’m the one that matters enough for him to want to change. I don’t want to change anyone but to be the inspiration of change. He is that to me. I made adjustments because I wanted to be better than I was. Said goodbye to my single self and welcomed a life of additions (both him and son).
    I’m at a point where I rather move on and remember him as a good man than stay involved and find myself dispising him. Never want to replace love with hate.

  2. stillsearching88
    stillsearching88 says:

    What is one to do when its the woman who seems to be the "committment phobe?"

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