By Denis Francis
Arguments are a complete waste of emotional and physical energy. They make us emotional and physically ill. Many people die from heart attacks and strokes while arguing. People can lose control and physically hurt or kill another person when arguing. The common physical response to stressful situations such as arguing is increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased respiration, increased cortisol production. All which contribute to illness and death. Ultimately then, arguing slowly wears on our physical well being and is certainly a waste of our time and energy
Does arguing ever solve an issue? How can it when the arguers are caught up in the emotion of anger instead of listening and resolve.
Arguing can become such a habit between couples that they can never resolve any differences, thus they grow apart. Constant arguers seek to control and dominate. They are all about imposing themselves on others. For them, logic, truth, intelligence, facts and even your point of view doesn’t really come into it. Interestingly, underneath their tough and, or, aggressive exterior, they are often insecure, fearful and weak. Just simply feel they are better than the other person and they have to win the argument.
The only person you can control is yourself. Find a better way to resolve issues. It is a challenge, but worth the effort to learn new ways to settle problems. Agreeing to disagree is always a good start. This cools the air, and allows two or more people to have a calm discussion, or even drop the subject that is disagreed upon. Another way to not argue is to just say, “can we talk about this at another time when we’ve both cooled off and had time to think it over?” Then walk away peacefully. Remember, arguing is always a waste of time.
Children are taught to argue at early ages, when that is all they hear. Babies and young children find arguing between adults frightening. Children mimic what they see and hear. They can be prone to angry outbursts if that is what they see regularly with adults. Angry outbursts between parents seen regularly can stunt psychological growth in children. Children are born to be in happy, peaceful environments to thrive. When brought up around arguing and bickering on a regular basis they will either have angry outbursts, become withdrawn, or fearful of other playmates.
Even unborn babies in the womb can feel stress from the mother. They can hear the voices that are speaking outside of the womb and of course, their mother’s voice, and can even cry before they are born. My new granddaughter came out of the womb literally yelling at times instead of crying. Her parents argued constantly while my daughter was pregnant, I am sorry to say. My granddaughter is 3 months old and is vocalizing by yelling. I had never seen a baby do this before. I can only believe that she was influenced by her parents and that is the result. ( I cautioned them about their arguing during the pregnancy, but to no avail.)
We never think about losing someone close to us after an argument. Life is unpredictable, and you never know when the end may come. I lost my late husband a few years ago unexpectedly. It was the worst traumatic experience in my entire life. We had not ever really argued, thank God. We had only been married a short time and were in our newlywed phase which probably spared us from arguing. But I thought about what if we had argued about something and then he passed away. How I would have hated myself for it. Until you have lost a loved one, you may never really ponder this, but I am here to tell you that, that is why arguing is a complete waste of precious time.
We are human beings and prone to arguments. I will not deny this. I am now remarried and my husband and I try very hard to never argue. We like to agree to disagree or settle our differences with calm resolve. If we do get angry, we forgive each other right away and do not let the disagreement linger. This has made for a wonderful relationship.
This article was written to deal with verbal arguments only. Physical violence and abuse is a totally different subject.
Arguing makes us and others feel sick. It is in reality a total waste of time and energy. There are better ways to solve problems than arguing. It is a learning process and an effort on one’s part to not argue. If arguing is your thing, get psychological help to overcome this habit.