He Said. She Said. You Be The Judge.

We receive tons of questions day in and day out here at Blackloveandmarriage.com. Some of the questions that come in are from couples so we’ve decided (with their permission) to present both sides and allow you to be the judge. Weigh in by voting below and leaving a comment letting them know what you think.

Should We Buy Christmas Gifts For Extended Family?

Couple In Conflict (…and working it out) 🙂

  • Anonymous from Brooklyn, NY
  • Married for 5 years
  • 2 Children
  • He Says…

    The holiday season is a massive sales pitch on steroids. Everyone ….including my wife is so hypnotized by the commercialization of Christmas that they seem to WANT to dig themselves into more and more debt. This year I don’t want to buy gifts for my extended family (in-laws, siblings, grandparents) because I feel like I’m being pimped by some imposed obligation. Purchasing gifts for my wife and children is frustrating enough. My extended family knows I love them and this year I would like to focus more on spending quality time vs. spending money. Spending money on this is unnecessary.

    She Says…

    When the holiday season approaches I brace myself for an argument about money. I think my husband forgets the feelings of joy he experienced as a child on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I want to recreate the same feeling for our children. When it comes to our extended family….What is the harm in giving a token of appreciation? What’s the harm in showing some gratitude to your parents by giving a gift? You say it’s unnecessary… but what if your parents felt the same way when they were stuffing your stockings on Christmas Eve? The gifts don’t have to be expensive. But he feels like any amount that we pay above and beyond what we’ve already paid for the gifts for our immediate family is too much. He feels like it’s unnecessary. And, I’m tired of living with a scrooge!

    Ok, B Intentional Family, weigh in. Should they buy Christmas gifts for their extended family?

    8 replies
    1. Terrence
      Terrence says:

      I agree with Paul. I actually love pictures so that's a great gift for me. I have this problem with my family as well. I started a gift exchange among the extended family 3 years ago, and it's been a tremendous blessing for everyone. There's about 40-50 people on my mom's side alone that gets together, so you can imagine how much money we're all saving. The kids are being taught that you don't have to go broke over Christmas too.

      • Kandi
        Kandi says:

        Kudos to you for starting the gift exchange. Great example.

    2. K.O.
      K.O. says:

      Christmas isn't supposed to be about digging yourself into debt and using your taxes to pay it off. I like Harriet's idea…sit down together and set a "cash" budget and stick to it. It's okay to buy gifts for people as long as you're staying within your means. And gifts don't have to mean spending lots of money. What about handmade gifts, baked goods, a family photo, spending time with them or doing them a favor? Sometimes we have to get thoughtful and remember what Christmas is really about…it's not what's under the tree.

    3. Cheryl
      Cheryl says:

      I've got a husband just like him who gripes about spending money during Christmas. It's never unnecessary to purchase XBOX games…..but it's always unnecessary to purchase gifts for extended family. P-L-E-A-S-E

    4. Ivy
      Ivy says:

      There is no need to be buying gifts for the extended family specially if he is already expressing his financial situation, the wife needs to understand that and stand by him..If they don't get anything this year, thus ok maybe next year they can get a box of chocolate.
      Its all about understanding each other. Complimenting not complicating each other.

    5. Erica
      Erica says:

      Stop being a Grinch. Smile a little laugh a little and always remember the reason for the season.

    6. Harriet
      Harriet says:

      I tried to hit vote, but I think my computer wasn't happy with it. I agree with Paul…purchasing gifts for extended family members is unnecessary unless you're just rolling in dough like that. A great compromise in my mind would be that if the gifts can be purchased cash only, and that cash won't break the budget of the household, go for it.

      That would challenge both parties to save their change throughout the year as opposed to pulling out that piece of plastic that makes a great slave but abusive master.

    7. Paul
      Paul says:

      We don't do extended family. We send a card with a picture of our family and our well wishes. That's it and that's enough. I say don't spend what you don't have to.

    Comments are closed.