There’s Power In Your Tears

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By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.” – Golda Meir

Do you have a lid on your tears? Do you also have a hard time laughing with your whole body?

Our tears are a God-given way of expressing sadness, just as laughter is a God-given way of expressing fun and joy. Both laughter and tears release stress in loving ways, rather than having to release it through anger or through holding it in your body, which can eventually cause physical pain and illness.

However, there are two kinds of tears, wounded tears and authentic, core tears.

WOUNDED TEARS

Wounded tears are the tears we express when we are feeling like a victim. Wounded tears come from the pain that we are causing ourselves with our own self-abandonment. When we do not take loving care of our own feelings – instead ignoring our feelings, judging them, and avoiding them with various addictions – we might then project on to others that they are abandoning us and are the cause of our emotional pain.

Wounded victim tears are a manipulation of others, trying to make others feel guilty and responsible for you. The hope of wounded tears is that the other person will feel sympathy and pity for you, and give you the love and attention that you are not giving to yourself. Wounded tears are a way of avoiding personal responsibility for yourself – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Wounded tears are a bottomless pit. Because they are being caused by your own self-abandonment, your misery will not go away until you choose to take responsibility for your self.

When you are at the other end of another’s wounded tears, you might feel put off by them. This is a normal reaction to the manipulation and is not an indication that you are a heartless person. When you don’t feel moved by another’s tears, there is a good chance that it is because their tears are trying to make you feel guilty and responsible for them.

AUTHENTIC TEARS

Authentic tears are the tears we express when we are feeling the loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sadness, sorrow, or grief of life. The pain behind these tears is not from how we are treating ourselves, but from the painful events of life – the loneliness and heartbreak of childhood abuse, of the loss of a loved one, the loneliness and heartache of being at the other end of another’s meanness, the fear and grief over the loss of a job or loss of financial security, the heartbreak and grief of shattered dreams, the sorrow of seeing others’ suffering or seeing peoples’ unlovingness toward each other, and so on.

Authentic tears come from an open heart. When you are in the presence of someone who is in authentic pain, you generally feel moved to comfort them. If your own heart is open, you will likely feel their pain within you as you empathize with their feelings, and tears might come to your eyes.

It is vitally important to be able to express your authentic pain. When you put a lid on your authentic pain, the pain has to go somewhere, and it often goes into the muscles of your body, causing things like neck and back pain. The repression of authentic pain can cause so much stress in the body that your immune system is suppressed, which can eventually contribute to illnesses such as heart disease and cancer.

Authentic pain and true joy exist in the same place within your heart. When you put a lid on authentic pain, you also put a lid on authentic joy. If your life feels somewhat colorless, consider learning how to open to your authentic pain and you will discover your laughter and joy.

How Deeply You Can Connect With Someone Else Is Directly Impacted By How Deeply You Can Connect With Yourself

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By Margaret Paul, PhD

Do you love it when you feel deeply emotionally connected with someone? When you feel seen, understood, valued and cherished? This is what initially draws two people together and leads to falling in love.

Then what happens? Why does the connection go away?

When most people first meet, they allow each other to see only certain parts of themselves, but they often hide the deeper parts of themselves.

Why?

Because they fear being rejected for who they really are.

They fear being rejected for who they really are because they think there is something wrong with them. Believing there is something wrong with you is called core shame – the belief that there is something inherently wrong, bad, or flawed about you.

Core shame may be governing much of what you do and how you respond in your relationships. It certainly governed much of my life until I learned how to heal it.

I learned to heal it when I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance – my higher mind that can see the truth of who I am. As long as I was defining myself from my limited ego wounded, programmed mind, I was operating from the false belief that I was somehow not good enough.

Developing you spiritual connection is not hard. Whenever you move into a deep desire to learn about love and truth, you raise your frequency high enough to access the wisdom that is always here for you. But in order to do this, you have to really want to know the truth. As long as you are afraid of what you will learn, you will stay stuck with your core shame. I assure you that what you will learn about your true Self is how incredible you are!

THE COURAGE TO BE VULNERABLE AND AUTHENTIC

In order to emotionally connect with another, you have to be vulnerable and authentic about your feelings, which you can’t do if you think there is something wrong with you. So before you can sustain emotional connection and intimacy, you need to heal your core shame. You will not be able to take the risk of experiencing the pain of rejection unless you are not rejecting yourself.

It takes courage to be authentic. You cannot be authentic without the willingness to be vulnerable to being hurt, and you can’t connect on a deep heart level without vulnerability and authenticity.

It is only when you deeply value who you are that you have the courage to reveal yourself authentically and risk being hurt. This is what creates deeply connected relationships. What it takes is two people who have done the work of healing their core shame so that they can share their heart and soul with each other.

HEALING CORE SHAME

* Start with noticing how judgmental you are of yourself. Every time you notice yourself judging yourself, stop and say to yourself, “I’m not going there.” And do not judge yourself for judging yourself! Just keep noticing and stopping each time. You will find yourself judging yourself less and less and feeling better and better.

* Practice opening to learning with your Higher Self. Keep asking your Guidance with a sincere desire to learn, “Please show me what is wonderful about who I really am.” Over time, you will learn to love and cherish your true Self – your essence – for qualities such as kindness, compassion, generosity, curiosity, creativity, humor, playfulness, gentleness, inner knowing, determination, loyalty, integrity, honesty, and so on.

The more you value your true Self, the easier it will be for you to be vulnerable and authentic with the important people in your life, and create the emotional connection that we all long for.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Visit her at innerbonding.com.

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Why Don’t You Get A Real Job?

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By Skye Thomas

How many of us have had that question hammered into our consciousness? I would bet that most musicians, artists, actors, writers, missionaries, athletes, entrepreneurs, stay-at-home parents, and inventors have all had to deal with this question. After we are successful and the big money and fame is rolling in, then everyone says how brave and tenacious we were. After we change the world with our art, our incredibly successful children, our spiritual teachings, our new ideas and business concepts, then people say we are “lucky” to be one of the chosen few as if we didn’t really work all that hard to get to that successful place. Until that day when we are fabulously wealthy and our industry grants us superstar status, we are deemed dreamers, unrealistic, illogical, and without real direction as we diligently toil away at our work until it’s worthy of acceptance as a “real job.” They see us as an overnight success or as complete failures. Until we are winners, our work is deemed as a hobby, a luxury, or as simply frivolous.

Look into the history of our famous artists, Olympic athletes, inspirational novelists, and others of this nature. Unless they are born into extreme wealth, they typically have a benefactor who puts a roof over their head, feeds them, and subsidizes their efforts until they can get to a place where their work is able to pay for itself. Many famous painters, sculptors, classical music composers, and such were never acknowledged during their own lifetimes for the work that they did. They were independently wealthy or someone paid their way. Sometimes benefactors do it because they have a simple love of the arts, a love of athletic games, a love of good books, and such. Other times they do it from an investment perspective. Should the person develop their craft to a point that it is profitable, then they are promised a percentage of the proceeds. In either case, a benefactor typically will support the artists, missionaries, and athletes that show the most promise.

The benefactor and the artists have one thing in common, they both see the world as a better place for the gifts and talents that are shared. A woman who works two jobs and raises the kids so that her husband can focus all of his attention on his entrepreneurial efforts is doing so because she truly believes in him, in his business, and that some day it will all pay off financially. Even if he fails, she believes in the dream and will most likely cheer him on to try again. Parents will pay a fortune to get the coaching and training their child needs, if they show the potential and passion of a future gold medallist. Why? Because they believe in the dream.

Do not forget the gifts of those who would give their gifts to the world even if it means that they will live in poverty for doing so. The couple that chooses to live off one income so that their children can have one stay-at-home parent is making that decision with their eyes wide open. The folks who travel into Africa to give aid to the starving and the dying do not see their lack of monetary gain as important enough to quit. The entrepreneur lives on a shoestring budget so that he can create a business knowing that the world is a better place for the goods and services that his company will provide. There is a spiritual lesson and a truly heartfelt joy that comes from knowing that giving our gift is so much more important than driving a large SUV while wearing the latest fashions. Yes, we would have liked it if a wealthy benefactor had shown up in our lives, but their absence will not stop us from moving forward with our dreams.

But what does it matter if we have artists, actors, athletes, and such in the world? Isn’t it all technically just a pleasant luxury of life? Do we really need sporting events, rock concerts, art on our walls, Broadway plays, and books that are not factual scientific textbooks? Yes! Yes, we do NEED them. These things keep us sane. Imagine for a moment what the world would be like without any music. Imagine the world without any movies, plays, and fairy tales. Imagine the world without mystery novels, romance novels, self-help books, autobiographies, or children’s storybooks. Imagine the world void of art, beauty, fashion, rose gardens, water fountains, birdbaths, and wind chimes. Imagine the world without entrepreneurs, where everyone works for large well-established organizations and you can never break free of that rule. Imagine a world without priests, ministers, rabbis, monks, nuns, and other spiritual healers because they cannot PROVE that their work is actually a necessity. Imagine a world without comedians, clowns, and toy makers. In a world where everyone went out and got a ‘real job,’ these things would be no more. Imagine a world where the only ‘work’ that was acceptable was work that was practical, logical, and earned a stable income.

We would drift into such a darkness of the soul. We would sink into a horrible depression without these beautiful gifts of the heart. Throughout the history of mankind, we have entertained ourselves with the arts, athletics, spiritual and philosophical debates, and with forms of laughter. It is through these creative arts, intellectual arts, fine arts, and physical arts that we maintain the sanity of the human race. Laughter is the best medicine. Happiness and a joyful heart are the purest of spiritual gifts that the universe has to offer.

We are not born to become super logical serious analytical worker bees. We are here to manifest the spirit of love and inner-connectivity throughout the world. We are here to design and play at building cultures and belief systems. We are not here to be some greedy corporation’s salesmen, paper pushers, and clones of those in the next cubicle over. We are here to be the expression of the human spirit in its greatest form. We do that through the arts. Not everyone is called to be an artist, a musician, an athlete, a minister, an actor, a stay-at-home parent, or an entrepreneur. However, everyone does benefit from the fact that they are here leading us to the belief that there is something inspirational out there. There is something more to life than just work. There is also love, beauty, mental health, spiritual health, and laughter.

I cannot write music, make films, run a 4-minute mile, or ice skate like a ballerina, but I am healed, inspired, motivated, and touched by the passion of those who can. What a dark and cold place this would be without those passionate ones who refuse to get a ‘real job?’ The world really is a better place because these passionate artists, motivational athletes, and inspirational ministers chose to break free of the mainstream normal lives that others would have expected of them. Somewhere in the hearts and souls of these people, they had to find the answer to that question…. “Why don’t I get a real job? Because the world needs my gift as much as I need to give it.”

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. As an entrepreneur, she understands just how difficult it can be to continue chasing a dream when everyone else is telling you to give up and quit. Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. Webmasters interested in generating more repeat traffic to their websites are invited to check out the secret of Skye’s success at www.TomorrowsEdge.net/horoscopes-generate-website-traffic.html. To read more of her articles, free previews of her books, and her astrology forecasts, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net. To read more about Skye and to sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, go to www.SkyeThomas.com.

7 Things Black Men Over 40 Can Do To Make Sure They Live Longer Lives

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By Marcus Williams

After 40, men’s leading causes of death include familiar standbys: heart disease, cancer, unintentional injuries, stroke, diabetes, respiratory disease, suicide, and Alzheimer’s disease.

To reduce your risks of dying from these preventable killers, make these crucial changes in your everyday life:

Get Married

Numerous surveys have shown that married men, especially men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s, are healthier and have lower death rates than those who never married or who are divorced or widowed. Never-married men are three times more likely to die of cardiovascular disease, for example. After 50, divorced men’s health deteriorates rapidly compared to married men’s, found a RAND Center for the Study of Aging report.

What’s the magic in the ring? The social connectedness of marriage may lower stress levels and depression, which lead to chronic illness. (Women tend to have more social ties outside of marriage.)

Unmarried men generally have poorer health habits, too — they drink more, eat worse, get less medical care, and engage in more risky behaviors (think drugs and promiscuous sex). Exception: It’s better to be single than in a strained relationship, probably because of the stress toll, say researchers in Student BMJ.

It’s never too late. Men who marry after 25 tend to live longer than those who wed young. And the longer a fellow stays married, the greater the boost to his well-being.

Eat Better

Poor nutrition is linked with heart disease, diabetes, and cancer — leading causes of death in men over 40. Younger midlife men often over-rely on red meat, junk food, and fast food to fuel a busy lifestyle, which leads to excess weight, high cholesterol, hypertension, and other risk factors. Older men living alone and alcoholics are vulnerable to malnutrition, because they tend not to prepare healthy food for themselves.

Until around 2000, more women were obese than men — but guys are catching up. In 2010, 35.5 percent of men were obese, up from 27.5 percent in 2000, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The American Dietetic Association recommends a reasonable 2,000 calories a day for men over 50 who are sedentary, up to 2,400 for those who are active. What comprises those calories is up to you.

Drive Safer

Men generally have more car accidents than women, and men in their 50s and 60s are twice as likely as women to die in car wrecks. Unintentional injuries (of all kinds) are the top cause of death among men ages 40 to 44, the third main cause in men ages 45 to 64, and cause #8 in men 65-plus.

Among middle-aged men, fatalities are more likely to result from falling asleep at the wheel, exceeding the speed limit, getting into an accident at an intersection or on weekends after midnight — all factors that don’t have a significant effect on the injury levels of middle-aged women, according to a 2007 Purdue University study on how age and gender affect driving. Men over age 45 have more accidents on snow and ice, too.

Older men fare better than men under age 45 on dry roads, where younger drivers crash more (perhaps due to overconfidence, the Purdue researchers say).

Treat Depression ASAP

Although women are three times more likely to attempt suicide than men, men are more successful at it, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. In 2009, 79 percent of all suicides were men. Suicide rates for men spike after age 65; seven times more men over 65 commit suicide than their female peers.

More than 60 percent of all those who die by suicide have major depression. If you include alcoholics, that number rises to 75 percent. In older adults, social isolation is another key contributing factor — which is why older suicides are often widowers.

Men often equate depression with “sadness” or other emotions — and fail to realize that common warning signs of depression include fatigue or excessive sleep, agitation and restlessness, trouble concentrating, irritability, and changes in appetite or sleep.

Depression is treatable at any age, and most cases are responsive to treatment, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

CLICK HERE to read more.

SPEAK LOVE RIGHT: A Pathway To Deeper Connection & Desirable Communication

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By Team Blam

We’re excited yall!!! Forreal..we’re really really excited.  We’re excited because we’ve created an INSTANTLY AVAILABLE, DOWNLOADABLE relationship education package that is sure to have you and your partner communicating on a whole other level.  It’s a beautiful experience witnessing couples talk with each other when they rarely talk at all.  It’s a refreshing experience to hear couples say “I love you”, after it’s been months of no affection.  It’s a soothing experience to feel couples connect through words of vulnerability after years of friction, frustration, and being FED UP. We see this all the time when we work with couples…and we’ve created our Speak Love Right Package….to further help individuals and couples that are quietly suffering from communication woes, yet desperately want and deserve to experience the beautiful, refreshing, and soothing essence of what true connection and good communication is all about.  This is wayyy bigger than just helping you get your communication back on track.  THIS PACKAGE WILL ALSO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR GOOD COMMUNICATION EVEN “GOODER” : ) for those of you who are already on point.   The exercises in the workbook alone are priceless and have helped many many many folks across the country.

If you’re anything like us you’re probably thinking …how much is it?

WELL………

SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE  (E-BOOK, Mp3 AUDIO PROGRAM, WORKBOOK)

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It’s time to elevate the way you communicate yall. 

SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE  (E-BOOK, Mp3 AUDIO PROGRAM, WORKBOOK)

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How many times have you been in the middle of a conversation with your “boo” and felt like he/she DOESN’T GET what I’m saying?  How many times have you heard your spouse say, “YOU DON’T RESPECT ME”?  How many times have you sat next to your spouse, wanting to share something, but too afraid to open your mouth because you’re anticipating a negative response?  How often have you wanted to emotionally connect with your sweetheart BUT were just missing the words to make that happen.  If you’ve raised your hand to all of these questions, guess what….YOU  ARE NOT ALONE.  We’ve experienced all of these in our relationship at one point or another and we ain’t ashamed to say it.  Feeling these feelings are a part of learning to live with, be with, and love someone other than yourself.  So exhale and wrap your arms around yourself because YOU ARE O.K.

One of the ways in which we navigate through rough spots in our relationship is to constantly reinforce our spirits with positive messages and concrete strategies that keep us focussed on staying connected.  Because of this we have a phenomenal relationship even after 18 years of being together.  We are best friends.  We are soul mates.  We are in love.  We are in tune with each other like never before.  We give thanks for this and take none of it for granted.

Truth be told we wouldn’t be where we are today if we didn’t communicate like we do.  It’s hard to connect if your communication is all jacked up. Right?  Since you are probably like us, constantly seeking new ways to improve your relationship, we’ve decided to share with you some of what we’ve learned in our SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE. You’ll definitely be informed, inspired, and challenged to take your relationship game to the next level.  You’ll be able to learn over 25 different barriers and building blocks to effective communication.  You’ll see what’s getting in the way of you connecting the way you deserve to connect through reading our E-BOOK.

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In our AUDIO PROGRAM you will be able to get instant access to over 2 hours of insight and inspiration that has already helped thousands of people.  We answer real questions and solve real problems that people are having in their relationship …..and we do it with a little bit of “real talk”.

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 You’ll also be given 7 specific exercises you and your sweetheart can engage in to have your connection and communication on FIYAHHH …through our WORKBOOK.  We can’t tell yall the how many couples have cried tears of revelation and relief from engaging in these exercises.  For more than 30 days …you will be instructed through the workbook to do something specific to work on communication in your relationship.   Lastly, you’ll get 3 BONUS EXERCISES that will add a little sweetness to what you’ll be experiencing.  The exercises in this workbook alone are worth the SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE sale price.

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This ain’t no joke yall ….if you want to take your relationship to the next level, you’ve got to get our SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE.  We use the exercises in our relationship, we give the exercises to couples we work with, and we want you to witness and experience the benefits that come from learning to SPEAK LOVE RIGHT.

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IT’S TIME TO STOP PLAYING AND START PUSHING YALL!!

*note* if there’s any issue at all with receiving the SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE after you purchase email info@bintentional.com and we’ll take care of it A.S.A.P

For Love’s Sake…It’s Time To STOP The Religious Bullying

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By Lana Moline

With the onset of  a myriad of trends in the church, more people have gravitated to religion as a way to engage in something larger than themselves.  Over the last 15 years, there seems to be a larger number of splits within denominations and an even greater influx of individuals to join non-denominational congregations.  I even know several people who have chosen to withdraw from organized religions all together.  All of this says that every group truly believes that they are in total possession of “the truth.”

Please understand that I encourage everyone to discover and stand firm on conviction because personal truths are important.  The conflict that I see arising is when an individual is overwhelmingly impassioned with his or her beliefs that he beats everyone over the head at a moment’s notice.  I think that is wrong.  I do believe that evangelism for the purpose of introducing a new believer into your fold is great and I’ve purposely left this statement broad because the book I read says “other sheep have I” and with that I’ve learned to stay on my own task so I won’t lose focus.  However, when the attempt is to argue, belittle or minimize someone else’s beliefs then that is nothing short of a religious bully.

Here’s the thing.  Religious bullying is hypocrisy.  Think about it.  Every single path of religion, regardless of denomination, is lined with guided principles to wellness, peace, prosperity and so forth; in other words all good things.  Each one of us desires heaven on earth and everlasting life.  So it baffles me when I hear someone downing another person just because their paths are different.  What I’ve found is that if I hold solidly to the truth that I know then my actions and words will line up with that truth.

Attempting to bully someone into saying, doing, believing, worshipping or living in a way that they don’t authentically agree with is incredibly wrong and painful for all parties involved.  It seems to me that expressions of love to some extent are the cornerstones of religion and love equals respect.  A bully is a bully both in the church and outside of the church.  When you see them, call them out – in love of course.

Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her atLana Moline Speaks.

Perspective In The Middle Of It – Today Is The Beginning Of …

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By Ayize Ma’at

The past 10 days in the Ma’at house have been ABSOLUTELY HECTIC.  It felt like I was auditioning for Universoul Circus because I was wearing many different hats, playing many different roles, and juggling many different balls as we prepared our oldest son, Asante, for hip surgery Friday morning.  There were a wide range of emotions that were experienced during this 10 day period that occasionally knocked us off balance and challenged our peace.  Yes, we’re human : )….in the midst of it all we learned to BE STILL.

Prior to surgery, we prayed with Asante and reassured him that everything would be o.k.

I played video games with him to ease whatever fear or concern he may be experiencing.  Aiyana comforted him with kisses and “that’s my baby” glances.

On Friday, the day of surgery,  Aiyana and Asante got suited in their surgery gear at approximately 8:30am EST.  After I kissed him on the forehead and said “see you in a few”, I watched Aiyana walk with Asante as he was wheeled through the double doors to the operating room.

Aiyana then anxiously watched Asante go to sleep mid sentence seconds after the anesthesia was administered.  Shortly after Asante went to sleep, Aiyana returned to the waiting area, where we both sat patiently and allowed God to work through the Doctors’ hands.  1 hour later the doctor came out and said SURGERY WAS A SUCCESS.

We give thanks.

We were then permitted to return to Asante’s bedside.  Asante could hardly keep his eyes because of the heavy sedation.  He was in an intense amount of pain post operation and required doses of morphine to ease the pain.

What’s amazing is that while he was in the middle of it…post surgery, in the middle of pain, and under heavy sedation he had enough perspective to say …”TODAY IS THE BEGINNING OF HISTORY.”  Today is a new beginning.  Today I begin my journey toward being able to run, jump, and play like other 10 year olds do.

Again, we give thanks.  Asante was released from the Hospital on Saturday evening.  He is now at home recovering.  Thank you for all of your prayers.

Is It O.K. To Eat Late?

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By Charlotte Evans

Checking a clock may be as helpful as counting calories when it comes to controlling body weight.

According to experts, people who snack after 8 p.m. have higher body mass indexes (BMIs) than people who don’t snack so late, even though they don’t eat significantly more or less total daily calories.

Previous studies in animals have found that even when calories are held steady, the timing of meals and sleep and exposure to light can impact metabolism and BMI. Experts also are quick to point out that night owls tended to be late sleepers, with a midpoint of sleep that was after 5:30 a.m. Late sleepers typically logged less sleep than normal sleepers. They also started their days later, a pattern that pushed back mealtimes throughout the day.

Additionally, they had higher BMIs than normal sleepers, ate more calories after 8 p.m., and ate fewer fruits and vegetables.

“The one major thing that remains positive, that remains correlated, is eating after 8 p.m.,” says Phyllis Zee, MD, associate director of the Center for Sleep and Circadian Biology and a professor at Northwestern University’s Institute for Neuroscience in Chicago.

Night Eating: It’s Not Just Your Waistline That’s In Danger

Night eaters had almost four more missing teeth than non-night eaters even when controlling for factors like age, education, diabetes, body mass and binge eating. And gender made no difference.

“We hypothesize that consuming foods in the middle of the night, not brushing or flossing one’s teeth after nocturnal ingestions, and reduced salivary flow during the night increase the risk of tooth loss in this sample,” said Jennifer Lundgren, a psychologist at the University of Missouri-Kansas City.

Practical Advice for Dieters

Eating late affects the body in a different way than eating a larger meal at mid-day. If we consume most of our calories at night, our bodies are not able to process the food as efficiently as we do during the day.

Furthermore, unless you work the night shift, most of us are tired after a hard day of work. After dinner, we want to rest and settle in for the night. This is a good idea! It prepares our bodies for sleep and relaxation. Unfortunately, if we lie down with a huge belly full of food, we are putting a strain on our system.

This usually leads to a feeling of lethargy in the morning. We also experience disrupted sleep if the body is working so hard to digest what we ate the night before.

Red meat is an especially toxic food to consume late at night. Meat takes longer than any other food item to digest. We should particularly avoid the intake of meat late at night, as it tends to stay in our digestive track longer than grains, fruits or vegetables.

“Many of our patients struggle with night eating,” says Elisabetta Politi, RD, nutrition director at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, N.C.

Still, there are many unanswered questions about why late eating may lead to weight gain. For example, in some European countries, for example, it is customary to eat dinner at later hours, which doesn’t seem to contribute to higher rates of obesity in those countries. But ultimately, experts agree that for people trying to lose weight, it probably wouldn’t hurt to curb nighttime eating.

“It makes perfect sense to eat more when you are more physically active. You burn off the calories you eat,” Politi says, “But at the same time, we don’t want people to feel that if they eat something healthy at 10 p.m., it is going to lead to weight gain.”

Tips To Avoid Late Night Eating

  • Eat a moderate breakfast and a heavier lunch.
  • Try eating a light dinner that still fulfills a healthy emotional “nourishing” component. A good dinner food is soup. It is warming, filling, and easy on our digestive tract. Particularly in the winter and fall, it is the perfect later meal.
  • If you aren’t a fan of larger lunches, go for a larger dinner before 6 PM.

CLICK HERE to read more.

It’s Hard To Watch My Wife Cry

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By Ayize Ma’at

A couple of days ago I had an interesting early morning experience.  Aiyana had just finished a daily devotional phone call with her mom and was just laying still staring at me when I opened my eyes.  By the look on her face I could tell something was on her spirit and tears were ready to pour.  So I asked her “What’s wrong baby?”  She said, “We’ve got a lot going on, and it’s hard.”  Before  she even finished the last word she began crying.  I sat there and looked at her as tears fell from her eyes.  I listened to her release into the atmosphere the load that’s weighing heavy on her heart.  A part of me felt helpless and handicapped because all I could offer was a kiss on the forehead and reassurance that we’re gonna get through this.

Those of you who follow us know that our tag line is Stop Playing Start Pushing.   We’re all about overcoming obstacles, shape shifting, and breaking down barriers.  While this approach to life is definitely necessary, watching my wife cry and our subsequent conversation, evoked a different emotional response….simply…BE STILL.

You see, Stop Playing. Start Pushing….has it’s place. Standing still and feeling fear…..being present with the magnitude of the moment has it’s place too.  In that moment when I sat with my wife and experienced the meaning behind her tears, I too was challenged to be present and experience the magnitude of the moment….a moment which includes:

pre op authorizations, hydroxyurea, pulmonary specialist, sickle cell anemia, blood draws, albuterol 3 times/day, pediatrician clearance, singulair, bone marrow transplant appointment, pulmacort 3 times/day, avascular necrosis, blood transfusion,  and surgery….AND 3 OTHER CHILDREN.

When I sit and think about all of that and how ALL of it has been only a fraction of our hectic lives for the past 7 days….I say WOW.  I also say Thank God.  I thank God for the friend (you know who you are) who told my wife it’s o.k. to be afraid and feel overwhelmed.  I thank God for allowing me to have enough emotional insight to be the tissue for my wife’s tears and not be ashamed to shed my own.  I thank God for all of the folks out there who’ve donated to the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, tweeted the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, shared on FB the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, offered to run a post on their website in support of the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign, and said a prayer for the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign.  All of it counts and I thank GOD for all of it.

Asante is having hip surgery on Friday 6/29 to address his Avascular Necrosis. He developed Avascular Necrosis in both hips as a result of SICKLE CELL ANEMIA.  While the surgery on Friday won’t cure his sickle cell (that’s what the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign is for) he’s still very excited and optimistic because he’s hoping this procedure will enable him to run and jump with his friends again.  Please say a prayer for him and our family yall…..we really appreciate your love and support.

CLICK HERE to donate to the PENNIES for ASANTE campaign.  We need your help.

 

Roland Martin And Michael Eric Dyson Have A Spirited Twitter Debate Over The “N” Word

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From Twitchy.com

On 06/12/2012, writer and academic Michael Eric Dyson appeared on MSNBC’s “The Ed Show,” where he talked with music mogul Russell Simmons about Gwyneth Paltrow’s use of the N-word earlier this month in a tweet. Dyson and Simmons ultimately took the position that the N-word is acceptable for use in society, but with one very important limitation: the user must be black. Moreover, according to Simmons, said black individual must have a direct bloodline to a slave in order to drop “ni**a” (or some variant) into a conversation. Riiiiiiight. Simmons failed to offer any insight as to how someone’s bloodline would be verified.

In the case of the Paltrow kerfuffle, Gwyneth was given a “pass” by rapper Nas and consequently by Simmons, but Dyson asserted that it’s never any black person’s place to give a white person a pass for using the N-word. Dyson’s final pronouncement? “I would suggest to all white people, here’s an iron-clad law that will help you at all points. Here’s when you can say the word: Never.”

Roland Martin, columnist, talk show host, and CNN contributor, was less than pleased with Dyson and Simmons’ contention that N-word is OK for blacks but not for anyone else. For Martin, the N-word is never acceptable. Not for me, not for thee, not for anyone.

What followed was a very spirited debate between Martin and Dyson: CLICK HERE to see the debate.