By Team BLAM
Enjoy touching moments of love and tenderness from the weddings of black couples. Black folks DO get married. We DO exist….and here is some beautiful proof. These images are stunning and inspiring. Sit back and enjoy another one from our sister friend of the EbonyLoveAndMarriage channel over on YOUTUBE. Check her out when you can and tell her BlackLoveAndMarriage.com sent you. 😉
What’s up Fam,
If you hadn’t heard–we’re excited! Why? In honor of the 10 Year Anniversary of Black Marriage Day (March 17, 2013) we are releasing a FREE relationship inspiration audio program titled “Marriage Is For Grown Folks”.
As of March 17th you will be able to instantly download the single for free or purchase the CD online. The first single on the CD will be released on March 17, 2013. The full 3-CD set will be released in April 2013. But, we are releasing a clip each day leading up to Black Marriage Day. This is clip 2.
This audio is for anyone who is married, thinking about marriage, wants to know what it takes to be married, or wants to feel good and inspired about their marriage or relationship. You’re gonna feel good after listening to this. You’re gonna want to re-commit to your love after listening to this. You’re gonna want to kiss and cuddle after listening to this. Remember…Marriage Is For Grown Folks yall….and in this audio we’re gonna take you on a journey so you can experience what being in love and being married is all about. Check out the audio clip below…and see why we say “You Should Never Ever Have To Question The Love Of Your Spouse!” Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for Clip 3….that clip is really good….if I must say so myself! 😉
“Marriage Is For Grown Folks” is an audio program that sheds light on
many of the common areas that couples deal with in marriage.
Everything from parenting, communication, and managing conflict to
sex, quality time, and dealing with marital finances is explored
through the eyes of one of the most transparent marriages in America.
Ayize and Aiyana Ma’at combine personal experiences from their own
marriage along with tips, humor, and funky beats in their signature
down to earth and “keep it real” style. This is Relationship
Motivation at it’s best.
Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are the Co-Founders of the personal development
and relationship education firm B Intentional,LLC. They run a private
couples & family counseling practice and impact more than 50,000
people on the world wide web every month through their popular Video
Advice Column “Ask The Ma’at’s” and cutting edge website
BlackLoveAndMarriage.com. Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at have been featured on
and in The Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Life Changers Show, The
Michael Baisden Show, The Final Call, Empower Magazine, Roland
Martin’s Washington Watch, The Matt Mcgill Show, The Jennifer Keitt
Show, & Essence Magazine just to name a few..
By Aiyana Ma’at
I wrote this love letter to my husband about 2 years ago. I’ve been in such a lovey dovey mood lately that I decided to print this out today and give it to my boo. After seeing how much it made him smile I thought about how easy it was for me to do that. It can be so easy to make our spouse happy if we just take a minute to pause and remember who they truly are to us and what they mean to us. Decided to run this again in hopes that someone will be inspired to stop, pause, and write a love letter to the one you love…
Ayize doesn’t know I’m doing this but I just had to…. I was so inspired by a song I heard yesterday on one of my Facebook Friends pages. It just made me think about my relationship with my bestfriend, my boy, my confidante, my lover, my husband—Ayize Ma’at and I knew what I needed to do.
Dear Ayize,
I’m taking the time today to make sure you know…… I want you to be ever so clear about the depth of my love for you and my commitment to you, our marriage, and our family. I need you to know the impact you’ve had on my life. Ayize, the love I have for you is overwhelming and indescribable. I heard a song yesterday by Kindred The Family Soul. It’s called “Stars” and I just “felt” it when I heard it. But, the reason I felt it baby is because of you. It’s because of you that the wounds that my “on again, off again” father left early on in my life haven’t stayed as deep and painful as they used to be. It’s because of you that today I can say that I honestly know what it feels like to trust someone completely. It’s because of your willingness to hold on tight and never let go that I know what commitment is really about in the first place. It’s because of your cool calmness that I have been able to really look at myself and learn new ways of being and communicating. It’s because of your ability to affirm me and allow me to be me that I have the self assured confidence that I have about myself….it’s because of you Ayize. When I begin to doubt myself and feel fear creeping up from behind I now know to deliberately stop whatever I’m doing, pause, and say to myself the words you first said to me “Just be”. It’s because you aren’t ashamed to say you love me, respect me, and see greatness in me that it makes it all the more easy for me to look at myself and find the greatness too. It’s because of your honesty with me…your willingness to call me out but then kiss me on the forehead or the nape of my neck that I have been able to learn how to accept and grow from criticism instead of letting it seep into my spirit and kill my self-esteem. It’s because of your vulnerability and your sharing your secrets with me that I feel and know that I’m important enough and worthy to be trusted. I love traveling life’s journey with you baby. So much of who I am today and have yet to be is because of you. Thank you King. I love you. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.
Here are the lyrics that inspired this letter. Listen to the song below.
Listen to the song below…
As always, leave a comment or submit a video response. Anyone out there inspired to do their own video love letter to their sweetie? Send it in and we’ll put it up! Here’s the song that inspired my love letter to my husband…..
Previously published. Running again in honor of Black Marriage Day, March 17, 2013!
Sometimes your alcoholic parent was warm and loving, sometimes rejecting and hostile. Although your non-alcoholic parent told you that you were loved, he or she was so often absorbed with worry and so irritable that you rarely felt loved. There was no consistency.
This is love as you understood it as a child, and are still experiencing it. Ever wonder why you are attracted to the person who is warm and loving one day, and rejecting the next? Ever wonder why the person who says he or she will call and doesn’t seems more desirable than the one who is consistent?
If, by chance, you do become involved with a lover who is consistent, you find that sort of person very unsettling, because you have no frame of reference for this kind of behavior. I am talking about the type of individual with order in his/her life, the person who can predict with a reasonable amount of certainty what tomorrow will bring. This also is someone who will behave, feel and think tomorrow much as he/she behaved, felt, and thought today. The challenge to win the love of the erratic and sometimes rejecting person repeats the challenge of your childhood. You are grateful when the inconsistent person throws you a crumb, but get bored quickly with the one who is available all the time.
You are playing out your childhood all over again, because the only consistency you knew was inconsistency. The only predictability you had was the lack of predictability. You lived your childhood on an emotional roller coaster. And that is what you understand. Think a minute: How many times have you created a crisis in your relationship to get the energy flowing again, and bring the relationship back to a more familiar ground?
Even though this may be obvious to you on an intellectual level, bear in mind that it may take longer for you to truly feel this truth because you were conditioned at such an early age.
What’s up Fam,
We’re excited to announce that in honor of the 10 Year Anniversary of Black Marriage Day (March 17, 2013) we are releasing a FREE relationship inspiration audio program titled “Marriage Is For Grown Folks”.
As of March 17th you will be able to instantly download the single for free or purchase the CD online. The first single on the CD will be released on March 17, 2013. The full 3-CD set will be released in April 2013. But, we are releasing a clip each day leading up to Black Marriage Day. This is clip 1. This audio is for anyone who is married, thinking about marriage, wants to know what it takes to be married, or wants to feel good and inspired about their marriage or relationship. You’re gonna feel good after listening to this. You’re gonna want to re-commit to your love after listening to this. You’re gonna want to kiss and cuddle after listening to this. Remember…Marriage Is For Grown Folks yall….and in this audio we’re gonna take you on a journey so you can experience what being in love and being married is all about. Check out the audio clip below…and see why we say There Is No Back Door! Click here for Clip 2!
“Marriage Is For Grown Folks” is an audio program that sheds light on
many of the common areas that couples deal with in marriage.
Everything from parenting, communication, and managing conflict to
sex, quality time, and dealing with marital finances is explored
through the eyes of one of the most transparent marriages in America.
Ayize and Aiyana Ma’at combine personal experiences from their own
marriage along with tips, humor, and funky beats in their signature
down to earth and “keep it real” style. This is Relationship
Motivation at it’s best.
Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are the Co-Founders of the personal development
and relationship education firm B Intentional,LLC. They run a private
couples & family counseling practice and impact more than 50,000
people on the world wide web every month through their popular Video
Advice Column “Ask The Ma’at’s” and cutting edge website
BlackLoveAndMarriage.com. Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at have been featured on
and in The Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Life Changers Show, The
Michael Baisden Show, The Final Call, Empower Magazine, Roland
Martin’s Washington Watch, The Matt Mcgill Show, The Jennifer Keitt
Show, & Essence Magazine just to name a few..
Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
By Peter Dobler
In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person’s needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you’re having the relationship.
The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.
>From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships
1. Relationships Don’t Just Happen
Relationships aren’t accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.
2. Relationships are Need-based.
Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.
3. Relationships Don’t Hold a Grudge
Despite the use of terms like “perfect match,” and “perfect couple,” the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it’s important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.
4. Relationships That Endure Take Time
Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes — a life partner — are so great. In this instance, “haste makes waste” and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.
5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In ‘Em.
No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.
6. Relationships Build You Up.
“My partner brings out the best in me,” is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you’re urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.
7. Relationships Are Essential.
It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a “pack animal,” looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you’ll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.
8. Relationships Are For Two.
There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it’s unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in having one with you.
9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.
In good relationships there is energy — your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.
Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.
By Amie M. Gordon M.A.
In research by Sara Algoe and colleagues, grateful couples were more satisfied in their relationships and felt closer to each other (see this post for the details of their findings). And in our research, we found that the more grateful participants were, the more likely they were to still be in their relationships nine months later.
What do I mean by gratitude? When I examine the role of gratitude in relationships, I’m not just looking at what happens when people say “thanks” after their partner takes out the trash. My definition of gratitude includes appreciating not just what your partner does, but who they are as a person. You’re not just thankful that your partner took out the trash—you’re thankful that you have a partner who is thoughtful enough to know you hate taking out the trash. Gratitude means thinking about all of your partner’s best traits and remembering why you got into a relationship with them in the first place.
But how does gratitude help couples?
Along with several colleagues, I recently published a series of studies exploring this question. We found that gratitude can help relationships thrive by promoting a cycle of generosity. That is, that one partner’s gratitude can prompt both partners to think and act in ways that help them signal gratitude to each other and promote a desire to hold onto their relationships. So how exactly does this cycle work?
Feel more grateful –> Want to hold onto your relationship
This part of the process is very simple: Moments of gratitude help people recognize the value in their partners and a valuable partner is a partner worth holding onto. We found this to be true in a number of studies – on days when people feel more appreciative of their partners than typical, they also report increased feelings of commitment to their relationships. And the benefits of gratitude are not just in daily life – the more grateful people are at the beginning of the study, the more committed they are nine months later. So it seems that feelings of gratitude are associated with a psychological motivation to maintain the relationship.
Feel more grateful -> Work to hold onto your relationship
In addition to being more psychologically motivated to hold onto a relationship, experiences of gratitude also appear to promote behaviors that will help people hold onto their relationships. In one study, we found that people reported being more thoughtful and responsive to their partners needs on days when they felt more grateful for their partners. In another study we brought couples into the lab and had them talk about important topics in their relationships. Participants who were more grateful for their partners were observed as being more caring and attentive listeners to their partners during these discussions. A plethora of research has shown that being a more thoughtful and attentive partner is key for promoting intimacy in relationships, and these findings suggest that gratitude might help people gain and maintain that intimacy.
Work to maintain relationship -> Partner feels more appreciated
This is where the good stuff happens. Recognizing you have a valuable partner and acting accordingly can help your partner feel more valued. In the lab study of couples, we found that when people feel more grateful, they signal those feelings to their partners through their behaviors. In the lab study of couples, participants who were better listeners during those conversations in the lab had partners who reported feeling more appreciated by them.
Partner feels appreciated -> Partner more grateful
In our research we find that an appreciated partner is a grateful partner. On days when people report feeling more appreciated by their partners, they experience increases in their own feelings of gratitude for their partners. And this makes sense – what partner is more valuable than one who clearly values you?
And this is where the benefits of gratitude really take off….CLICK HERE to read more.
By Denise LaFrance CTA-CC
Sexual attraction is one of those things that we all want to feel with our partners. There is nothing like that electrical current that draws two people together like magnets. But when it comes to the overall success and failure of long-term relationships, how important is that attraction when compared to deep friendship between partners?
Friendship is an investment of time spent learning to communicate and assessing your compatibility. We don’t typically choose to have friends we have nothing in common with. Instead, our friends are chosen based on respect, the fun we have when we’re together and whether their values are similar to our own. When we look at just those three criteria, aren’t they the essence of what makes any long-term romantic relationship successful?
If you were to speak with a friend about the person you’d like to spend your life with, would you be apt to list qualities like “great-looking,” “makes good money,” “sexy” and “mysterious?” Or are you looking more for things like honesty, fun and similar interests? Researchers from theJournal of Social and Personal Relationships conducted a study on the longevity of couples as it relates to the key principles of friendship. One of the most important findings the researchers found is that lovers who put the most effort into building a strong friendship with their partner were less likely to break up. When important traits are valued, relationships tend to last.
Couples who start out as friends and whose love deepens enjoy a romantic love versus a passionate love. Romantic love has all the components of passionate love (intensity and sexual attraction) without the obsession that is present in short-term affairs. Relationships that begin solely on a physical level will usually fizzle out over time. Getting to know someone will either assure that you are a good match, or it will send you clear signs that you may be destined only for a sexual, short-term fling.
CLICK HERE to read more.
Trust fools you into remembering that your partner was more considerate and less hurtful than he or she actually was.
New research from Northwestern University and Redeemer University College (Ontario, Canada) is the first to systematically examine the role of trust in biasing memories of transgressions in romantic partnerships.
People who are highly trusting tended to remember transgressions in a way that benefits the relationship, remembering partner transgressions as less severe than they originally reported them to be. People low on trust demonstrated the opposite pattern, remembering partner transgressions as being more severe than how they originally reported them to be.
“One of the ways that trust is so good for relationships is that it makes us partly delusional,” said Eli J. Finkel, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at Northwestern.
Laura B. Luchies, lead author of the study, said the current psychological reality of your relationship isn’t what actually happened in the past, but rather the frequently distorted memory of what actually happened.
“You can remember your partner as better or as worse than he/she really was, and those biased memories are important determinants of how you think about your partner and your relationship,” she said.
Researchers have long known that trust is crucial to a well-functioning relationship.
“This research presents a newer, deeper understanding,” Finkel said. “It reveals that trust yields relationship-promoting distortions of the past.”
Said Luchies, assistant professor of psychology at Redeemer University College: “If you talk to people who really trust their partner now, they forget some of the negative things their partner did in the past. If they don’t trust their partner much, they remember their partner doing negative things that the partner never actually did. They tend to misremember.”
The above story is reprinted from materials provided by Northwestern University, via EurekAlert!, a service of AAAS. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length. For further information, please contact the source cited above.
Source: ScienceDaily.com
By Aiyana Ma’at
The Pleasure Principle. We heard Janet sing about it and I’m sure there are all kinds of images that come to mind when you read those two words. But, here’s what I want you to take away from this. Lean in…read this next part s-l-o-w-l-y and really try to take in what I am about to say:
I know what you’re thinking “Whoop-dee-doo. Thanks for that oh so critical insight Aiyana”. Yawn. But, lean in again read it a little more s-l-o-w-l-y and DON’T MISS THIS:
It may sound simplistic or even unrealistic. It’s easy to say but 9 times out of 10 is really hard todo.
For just one day, try to maintain a consciousness with everything you do, by asking yourself, “Is what I’m about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?”
Really. Get into it. You might even try including your boo.
To see how you’re doing in this area, each of you should make two lists:
One for all the things your spouse does to cause you pain and another which clearly identifies what you would like your spouse to do to give you pleasure.
Now, swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more mind reading!
I really want ya’ll to try this. I’m doing this with my hubby, Ayize, tomorrow (we’re writing our lists today) and I’ll let you know how it goes. Let me know how it works for you—and no excuses—your spouse doesn’t have to participate or even know what you’re doing in order for you to do it.
So, c’mon let’ take it to the next level.
Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
